There's a lot of talk here at LF about the walls we put around ourselves, and how they destroy the relationships in our lives. My biggest wall is a fear of letting people see my flaws. Even writing this here makes me feel weak and vulnerable. But this is the anonymous internet, right?
The fear is bad enough that I keep everyone in my life at arm's length. I'm afraid of letting anyone get too close, or else they'll see the cracks in my amour. They'll see just how weak and insecure I really am. I know that all sounds a little silly, and that's exactly why I don't like talking about this stuff with anyone. I don't want to be judged, or thought of as being weak.
I'm preparing for a move to NY next month, which is typical of me. I move to a different state every few years. I'll completely break off contact with everyone I know here. I won't let new friends or coworkers know too much about me. And just when people start getting close to me, I'll pack up my sh!t and do it all over again.
I don't know where this complex comes from, or quite how to get rid of it. I'm writing this post here because I've made some friends at LF that have some very high walls around themselves. I just want them to know they're not alone in feeling this way.