I fell in love with my best friend. What to do?

Printable View

01-02-10, 05:13 AM
justoneboy2

I fell in love with my best friend. What to do?

Hello over there...

I need your help... Sorry for this long text... it has many things to explain. I hope you will read it and give me some answers.

So here it is my story...

When i first met her i can`t even think that we will became that we are today - best friends. Now i know this girl for a year and a half and i think that it`s one of the best things that have happened in my entire life.

At the beginning we started to have MSN conversations based on jokes and laughing but after some time that kind of conversation started to last for hours and hours. It wasn`t just kidding and that kind of stuffs but very serious topics. We started to get well known eachother and after a while i realised that i can`t spend one day without having conversation with her.

Because we are from diferent cities at first we just talked on MSN but after nearly 2 months i went to study in her city so we started to see eachother very often. Once we were in one club and i have had few drinks, we were dancing and i try to kiss her but she said no and i didn`t try after that. This was at... maybe 3th month that we knowed. That didn`t affected on our friendship because i was something like drunk and...

After that we have everyday conversations, started to make big phone bills from talking whole night long... See eachother often and so on... And we were telling eachother for everything... absolutly everything in our lives... She was telling me for some boys that she like... and after few months she started to date one guy... Because they was from different relligions their relationship wasn`t ascepted from her family and her girl friends she knowed longer than me. I was one of the few people who supported her at that times and i was happy for her because she was telling me that she loves him.

I have two relationships in that time and i was also telling her everything about it. She helped me to get from first of them...

Before the end of collegue year she was having birthday and we were drunk, hugging eachother and after that hug we kiss on lips. It wasn`t french kiss but it was something that have never happened before :)

But collegue year ended, summer came, so i must go back to my city. We were also everyday in touch... on MSN, on the phone... and i was telling her for my summer dates, for my sexual experiencies...

At that time that boy started to cheeted her with other girl so she was in hard times. I was there for her...

But i was missing her all the time. More and more every day. And i started to feel something for her. One night she was with her friends and she was drunk, we were talking od the phone and she says to me that she miss me very very mutch and that she wants to be with her there... I started to think that she has feelings for me to...

Summer ends, i came back to her city and we were also often together. I was having feelings for her but i didn`t know what to do with them because she started to see that guy again. I was also having one girl but she was from my city so i don`t see her often.

Ones my best friend told me that she was having dream where she kisses me. After that i was having that kind of dream for her so i told her. After some weeks i started conversation about dreams and we agreed that dreams are expression of sub consciousness and some things that our sub consciousness want to happen. I didnt mentioned our dreams but...

There were some other tings that was asociating me that she has feelings for me to but i decided to not telling her nothing and let things happened.

So... one night i invited her at my place. We were watching some comedy, laughing... and i started to caressing her hair and so on... we were so close one to another... and she turn to me and she kiss me so we started kissing hugging and so on... but after few minutes she started to say that that is not right... that we shouldn`t do that and she wants to go home...

But i didn`t want to let her go so i tell her that i really love her like that and all the things i wanted to say to her. She started to cry because she is having boyfriend and started to say things like sorry, but my feelings are not in that way... all i want is to be best friends...

But she admit that she has feelings for me at the summertime but, like she said, that was now gone...

While we were talking and arguing (i dont let her to go home) we kissed passionately maybe ten times more... And i could see that she liked that... but...

I tell her that she is the only girl i have loved in my life so far... and is really true...

At the end she says that she need to think about everything and i let her go...

Other day she says to me that she is not have that kind of feelings for me and we couldnt be more than friends. When i asked her - than what was all that happened last night... if you dont want to, why dont you say that... She didnt know what to say to me...

Now i dont know what to do and what to mean...

I have girl for dating but its not my official girlfriend.

She is having boy for dating but its not her official boyfriend.

She says that nothing can happen but i think that she have feelings but she doesnt want to admit that to me. We agreed that we didnt want our friendship to end... so...

Anybody at simmular situation? :)

What do you think that she wants... and what to do?

Thanks
01-02-10, 05:41 AM
irrelevant_89

Hm.... this kind of situations happens so often. Personally I think the "friends before lovers" relationships are the ones that have the most chance of lasting, and I never really understood why there's always that fear that an attempt at something romantic between 2 friends will lead to a ruined friendship. At least in my country it's not like that.

That said, my opinion is don't give up just yet, because there's definitely something in there, but don't pressure her either. You can try to make her see you as more than a friend, but don't be too pushy - in the end it's her call, and you gotta respect it.

Now let's wait for the experts' takes on it...
01-02-10, 07:17 AM
gartlas

Defenitely the most posted about topic ever. You'd find a wealth of information searching the title of this post XD. Anywho I'd say she does like you...but the words "I want to go home" should flash bright red alarm bells in anyone's head. She's clearly confused about whether she likes your or not...perhaps she is attracted to you physically..but doesnt have emotional feelings for you past a deep friendship? In my experience going out with someone who's been a close , close friend for more than a year is a disaster recipe. You end up losing the relationship and the friendship..and that hurts more than anything.

Ask her for a talk...sit down when your both not busy and talk it all over. Dont kiss or get physically distracted , focus on emotions. If you both conclude it has a shot then good luck to you..if not back off and be content to have a good friend , there are few enough of them as it is ^^
01-02-10, 08:04 AM
qwertz

There is no point in wondering..you guys definately have to talk this through..but whichever way it goes(whether your together as a couple or not) IME once that boundary of friendship into sexual/relationship type has been crossed there is no going back in terms of the friendship can and will never be the same again.

Men and women can be great friends(my best friend is a guy) but i think if you start off as such good friends then relationships dont tend to last(of course there are exceptions)

Like i said, you need to talk and figure out what you both want before you lose each other totally.
01-02-10, 08:04 AM
justoneboy2

Quote:

Originally Posted by irrelevant_89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hm.... this kind of situations happens so often. Personally I think the "friends before lovers" relationships are the ones that have the most chance of lasting, and I never really understood why there's always that fear that an attempt at something romantic between 2 friends will lead to a ruined friendship. At least in my country it's not like that.

It`s because now that this happened and that i told her about my feelings... it`s not the same. If we didn`t make it together... she will not telling me all the things she used to about her boyfriend... simpathies and so on...

If we go into relationship, we are young to get married (lol), and every relationship must have some end. And ends are not for good reasons. After broking up... we might get to a sittuation where we don`t even talk to eachother...

It is very complicated...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Anywho I'd say she does like you...but the words "I want to go home" should flash bright red alarm bells in anyone's head. She's clearly confused about whether she likes your or not...perhaps she is attracted to you physically..but doesnt have emotional feelings for you past a deep friendship? In my experience going out with someone who's been a close , close friend for more than a year is a disaster recipe. You end up losing the relationship and the friendship..and that hurts more than anything.

It wasn`t like... it was "i love you" every day... many times a day... :))) after this (2 days) she have never sayed that again...

About other part... i don`t know what to think... and yes, i`m afraid of that to...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ask her for a talk...sit down when your both not busy and talk it all over. Dont kiss or get physically distracted , focus on emotions. If you both conclude it has a shot then good luck to you..if not back off and be content to have a good friend , there are few enough of them as it is ^^

I will surely do this but... i`m sure that if i have just sayed that i have feelings for her the situation wouldn`t be this "good"...

Now we have had kisses and stuff... and...

The thing that is giving me hope is that she acepted that first time... and even she was saying that she didn`t want that to happen... it happen many times during that night... I think that if she didnt feel something she wouldn`t have kissed me at all...

And kisses... they were... absolutly awesome ... it was like she was waiting all that time to happen that... :))
01-02-10, 08:11 AM
gartlas

Often we see things not as they are because we want to see them differently so badly...are you sure they were amazing kisses for her? That she was "waiting all the that time for it to happen" or that she wasnt just upset and using you to wash away her unhappiness? Just saying tread carefully eh?
01-02-10, 08:13 AM
qwertz

Agree with gartlas..some women are rather selfish about things like that, and look for the nearest 'shoulder'..which would be you.
01-02-10, 08:21 AM
justoneboy2

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is no point in wondering..you guys definately have to talk this through..but whichever way it goes(whether your together as a couple or not) IME once that boundary of friendship into sexual/relationship type has been crossed there is no going back in terms of the friendship can and will never be the same again.

Men and women can be great friends(my best friend is a guy) but i think if you start off as such good friends then relationships dont tend to last(of course there are exceptions)

Like i said, you need to talk and figure out what you both want before you lose each other totally.

It doesnt nice to hear that for future of this kind of things but...

I don`t think that making conversation is the answer...
Like i said before, she is having boyfriend and that is one of the problems in the situation...

And the thing i can`t understand is how can she say that she dont have feelings for me like i am having for her... and 5 seconds after that we are kissing... and it wasnt that i was forcing her or make that on some agresive way...

I think that... somebody can seduce you and kiss you ones... but ten or more times... while you are saying that you dont want to do that... Isnt this logic?

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Often we see things not as they are because we want to see them differently so badly...are you sure they were amazing kisses for her? That she was "waiting all the that time for it to happen" or that she wasnt just upset and using you to wash away her unhappiness? Just saying tread carefully eh?

Hmmm... i dont know what is there in her mind but... i am telling you by the reactions and passion that was in that kisses...

And i dont think that i understand the last part of your post...

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

or that she wasnt just upset and using you to wash away her unhappiness? Just saying tread carefully eh?
01-02-10, 08:30 AM
qwertz

Dont kiss her again. Not until you know whats going on. You NEED to talk to her to get any understnading of where each of you stand. You cannto expect to read each others minds. You will NOT just fall into each others arms and be happy.
You wont have any answers to any of your questions unless you talk to her.

Just be careful that she doesnt use you as a 'comforter' while she is lonely.
01-02-10, 08:35 AM
Doc Durian

Well, it sounds like you two are very close or you wouldn't be having this confusion between you. That's still a good thing. It means you care about one another. She isn't convinced that romance is in the cards for you two so let it go. Be her friend, move on with your romantic life. There's still a possibility that one day she'll be clear about how she feels... often this happens when the other person meets someone they're serious about.

Why do you think weddings have the line, "If anyone here has reason to believe that this marriage shouldn't go through, please speak up now"?

You both have choices, you both have your lives to get on with. So be her friend. She'll be your friend. You'll be good friends happy that each other is happy.
01-02-10, 08:41 AM
justoneboy2

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dont kiss her again. Not until you know whats going on. You NEED to talk to her to get any understnading of where each of you stand. You cannto expect to read each others minds. You will NOT just fall into each others arms and be happy.
You wont have any answers to any of your questions unless you talk to her.

Just be careful that she doesnt use you as a 'comforter' while she is lonely.

But... she is not lonely... she is seeing other guy...

And... we have talked... we talked that night and on the phone after that... and she says - sorry but i dont have that kind of feelings and we cant be more than friends...

I don`t think that i can expect other answer these days...

I have doubts about what is happening in her brain or heart... she sayed to me that she thought that she was having some feelings for me few months ago... and i think that she is confused now and dont know what to do...
01-02-10, 10:17 AM
gartlas

Just leave her be mate...dont see her for a couple weeks to lick your wounds clean and then go back to being friends if you can.If not move on , find someone thats actually interested without all these awful complications. And Passion and desperation are easily confused :P. And the last part basically meant what qwerty said..your the generic shoulder to cry on. or in you case Mouth
01-02-10, 05:34 PM
justoneboy2

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just leave her be mate...dont see her for a couple weeks to lick your wounds clean and then go back to being friends if you can.If not move on , find someone thats actually interested without all these awful complications. And Passion and desperation are easily confused :P. And the last part basically meant what qwerty said..your the generic shoulder to cry on. or in you case Mouth

Thanks for the advices and giving other perspective on the case... i will have them on mind but... i`m not loosing hoop for being more than friends... but i will let to pass some time first...