The Navy (I am not dissing the navy here lol)

This will be a semi-short post relative to my last few I've started.

I have been doing alot of thinking lately. Mostly about growing and getting to higher places than I am today, etc etc. College is out because I don't have the time, nor money to attend full time, or part time. I am at the highest paying job I could get with a High School diploma. I am not happy with who I am. I've lost myself somewhere in the last 4.5 years. I can't see a way of finding myself with my surroundings in my life now. There are too many factors at play.

So I got to thinking, I need out of here. I almost started to just drive as far away as I could for a few weeks then come back. But that wouldn't be enough. And on top of that I would loose everything again. My son, my job, my home.

The Navy. I thought about it in the past. I would get out of this area. I would get a degree in something. I would become a better person. And I will have served my country that I love. Most of all.. I will find myself.

But I have two main factors playing against me - this is what made me decide not to go in the first place. My kids. My job.

To keep this post short - I will not elaborate - most of you already know the little details anyways.

What would you do in placed in my shoes ? And for what reasons would you make that decision ? This is going to be by far the biggest decision I've ever made in my life. And alot of people are going to get upset. And others will be proud.

What should I do ?

why even care what others will say about your decision? so what if they get upset? it's you that's gonna get screwed in the end, if you listen to everyone. if you wanna join the military, go ahead dude. what's stopping you? you're job??? **** that! you said yourself you don't enjoi being there. and you also said you want to get a diploma but you don't have time for school and shit, join the military, supposedly they pay for schooling, and they bring the teacher to you instead of you going to the school to listen to the professors. your son, he's gonna be telling people his dad is in the military. that's something he'll be proud of. now the only catch is that you're probably thinking the military is gonna hand you everything you dreamed of. think again buddy. you gotz to work your ass off to get the goods. you can't just go there for 4 years and then think, okay i'm out, i've seen the world, i've done all i can, now give me a job. it ain't that easy, you gots to get merits and earn respect. i know a handful of people that got out after 4 years and they're still jobless, that's cuz they're lazy like they were when they got in. if you're motivated, you should do well. unless you're the only one babysitting your child, they let you live on the base with family. nothing to worry about. you're just afraid of taking risks. have some faith in yourself, or at least believe in something.

I know it's not going to be easy. Thats why I want to go.

I have 3 kids. 1 of them doesn't have my name. 1 lives with her mother. and my son lives with me, but I do not have full custody yet. I am still going thru the court processes.

I live at home with my dad and step mother. I have a babysitter during the day when I work, but the rest of the time I have him. My dad and step mother do help me when needed, but I dont think they would take care of him for 4-5 years while I'm in the service.

I am single - so thats a good thing and a bad thing. No one person to tie me down, but at the same time no one to take care of my son while I'm in the service. Even if I had family live on base it would be my son and I, no woman there to take care of him while I do my duties.

My job is a good job - i didn't say I don't like it. I said i don't like everything about my life. I hate being a single parent. I hate living at home with my dad. I hate not having any friends. I hate not having the proper education. I hate who I am, because i don't know who I am (if that makes any sence).

I want to go so bad. But I don't know what to do with my son. If I go now I will loose the custody battle. If I wait until after the custody battle, and I win, who is going to take care of him for me ? This is the main thing above all other things - and essentially, the only thing stopping me from walking out of my job right now and going to the recruiting office and telling them to ship me off.

I'd be so so careful before going into the navy.

Yes it's rewarding but it's also very demanding on your family, such as your son. You are going to be away for long stretches of time and will he be able to understand it, even adults get frustrated and upset by people they care about going away on duty and I can't even think what itwould be like for a child.

There are a couple of good sites around written from the perspective of people who are military spouses - sarah smiley does one. Also isn't Britishchick married to someone in the army & has kids. Maybe they'll be able to give you more of an idea about the strains on your family and your life.

It's a toughy, I just split from my boyfriend who was in the army & had been posted in Germany. Although we split because he cheated on me I wouldn't choose to go out with anyone in the service again it's just too hard. Then again I was immensely proud of what he did as his job and it gave him so many opportunities that he would never have had otherwise.

I guess you know all this already. SOrry to not be anymore help.

Problems are nothing but oppurtunities, remember that. I know where you are. I thoroughly checked out the Navy once before. I'd be in it right now if it wasn't for my recruitier trying to force me into a job class I didn't want, but I digress. Take a step back, keep an eye on the long term and think about what will truly better yourself. If you really believe the military to be the answer then there is nothing stopping you. Job? You can walk out. No biggie there. Kid? Now here is where I see your biggest hesitation but you included a solution in your previous posts. If you're going to be going into the Navy you don't NEED and, in fact, SHOULDN'T be fighting for full custody. Figure out exactly what you need and go for it. Worry about the route AFTER setting the destination.

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Originally Posted by Zekk_T_Strife

...Kid? Now here is where I see your biggest hesitation but you included a solution in your previous posts. If you're going to be going into the Navy you don't NEED and, in fact, SHOULDN'T be fighting for full custody. Figure out exactly what you need and go for it. Worry about the route AFTER setting the destination.

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I see what you are saying - and I would do it too. But here enlies the problem. I originally would have given him up easily to his mother. This is sad, but true. I honestly was not, and still aren't ready to handle a kid. Especially on my own. But I faught for him because even tho I will be a crappy father and can't give him everything he wants, I can at least try my hardest for him, and keep him out of bad situations that his mother would not hesitate to put him in. When making this decision about going into the service, I am not only thinking of my own well being and future, I am thinking of my son's over mine. He comes before me any day. I dont know if anyone can understand that, but it is how I feel. I can't give up the custody battle and let his mother take over. She lives a corrupted life full of drugs, and all around bad situations. She is a stripper/prostitute. She lives at night, and sleeps at day. She is hardly ever sober. She hangs around the wrong kind of people, and that will place my son in the wrong kind of environment. He will grow up corrupted. He might not even get a chance to grow up at all. With me, at least he will have a safe environment, that is drug and violence free. He is a good kid, and he doesn't deserve to go thru what his mother would put him thru. There is no way in hell I will allow his mother to get custody of him. And if it means sacrificing my own gains, then so be it. I will not jeperdise the livelyhood of my son.

An honorable stance. Go talk to the recruiter, mention your situation. If there's one thing I've learned from military recruiters (especially the Army) they can be VERY accomodating.

haha ! brilliant ! out of all the things I've thought of, that wasn't one of them... But now that its mentioned i am thinking... don't they feed you b.s. just to get you to sign up ? or is that just a myth i picked up from the t.v. ?

They won't BS you. They'll glorify the experience to make it seem like heaven, but they won't bold-faced lie to you. Just plainly ask them what kind of accomodations they would have for a single father interested in pursuing a military career.

If you're a father and you want custody of your child, then I don't think you should be running off to the Navy as soon as you have custody of him. If you told the courts that was your plan, you know they would give her custody pronto.

If you want what's best for your son - what's best for the child is to be with his parents - at least one of them, if you can take care of him. Nobody's perfectly happy with their situation. I wish I'd gotten a degree, I wish I lived elsewhere. I would move in a heartbeat but I swore to my son that I wouldn't ever make him change school districts, it affected me so badly in school when I moved halfway across the country.
I personally think that leaving your son would be very selfish. I'm sure one could say "oh but what's best for him is for me to be happy and this is what would make me happy and be a better dad" but imho that's just rationalization. If you want your son, you need to take care of him YOURSELF.

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Originally Posted by Elysium

If you're a father and you want custody of your child, then I don't think you should be running off to the Navy as soon as you have custody of him. If you told the courts that was your plan, you know they would give her custody pronto.

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Incorrect. If I have a stable home for him I will still get custody. The courts frown upon his mother badly. In fact, I am about to win this battle by default. She doesn't show to court. She misses 60% of her visitation times. And when she does show up she doesnt spend time with him. She has warrants out for her arrest in i dont know how many cities/counties now. Her blood has become acidic she has got so much shit in her system (its a figure of speech). There is no way in hell she will get custody of him. Even if I don't, he wont go to her. If for some reason the courts deide against my favor, they are going to go to the immediate family for adoption crap - and my dad and/or mother would step up to the plate quickly. My ex's parents wouldn't - in fact, Destine's mom hasnt seen bryce since he has left the hospital - and her dad has never seen him except for a few pictures. They never wanted anything to do with the kid. She will not win custody - Navy or not.

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Originally Posted by Elysium

If you want what's best for your son - what's best for the child is to be with his parents - at least one of them, if you can take care of him. Nobody's perfectly happy with their situation. I wish I'd gotten a degree, I wish I lived elsewhere. I would move in a heartbeat but I swore to my son that I wouldn't ever make him change school districts, it affected me so badly in school when I moved halfway across the country.
I personally think that leaving your son would be very selfish. I'm sure one could say "oh but what's best for him is for me to be happy and this is what would make me happy and be a better dad" but imho that's just rationalization. If you want your son, you need to take care of him YOURSELF.

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What's best for my son is to be with family. I am not the greatest dad in the world. But I do take care of him, MYSELF. But if I go off to the Navy, I am going to have someone take care of him for me. He is 1.5 years old. School is not a problem. Yeah, I will be gone for extended periods of time. Will he forget me ? no. Willhe hate me when he is older ? no. If I do leave there is only two people in this world I trust enough to leave my son with. My dad, and my step mother. The problem is getting them to actually do it. Bryce already knows them very well and is closely attached. For the past 7 months we have lived at that house. Its all he knows. Will my son notice that I am gone ? most probably. Will it kill him, or jeperdise his well being ? no.

Ask yourself this.. Would you rather live a poor life for the rest of your life, having your kid grow up not getting the things he wants, having your family struggle from pay check to paycheck to keep your home and food on the table, and remain in the biggest depression of your life ? Or would you rather have someone take care of your kid for you for 4-5 years, Go out and explore the world, get a degree, learn self discipline, gain self respect and respect from others, find yourself, and have the greatest opporitunities right in front of you that you can finally grasp onto if you truely wanted (i.e., good job) ?

I choose the Navy. And I know it will be hard for not just myself, but in the end it will make everyone happy. Especially my son and I.

Their are only three things that can stop me from joining:
1) Chance of Destine winning custody - odds of happening - next to none.
2) My father refuses to take care of my son - chances of happening - 50/50
3) Robin and I getting back together and starting things over between us - chance of happening - odds of winning the state lotto are better.

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Originally Posted by BillyGalbreath

Will he hate me when he is older ? no...Will my son notice that I am gone ? most probably. Will it kill him, or jeperdise his well being ? no.

Ask yourself this.. Would you rather live a poor life for the rest of your life, having your kid grow up not getting the things he wants, having your family struggle from pay check to paycheck to keep your home and food on the table, and remain in the biggest depression of your life ? Or would you rather have someone take care of your kid for you for 4-5 years, Go out and explore the world, get a degree, learn self discipline, gain self respect and respect from others, find yourself, and have the greatest opporitunities right in front of you that you can finally grasp onto if you truely wanted (i.e., good job) ?

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For the most part I agree with your post, it's these parts I've quoted I have a small issue with. Firstly about saying whether or not your son will hate you when he's older or whether or not it will give him any kind of emotional disturbances in the future is unpredictable. He could grow up completely fine or he could be brain****ed beyond all belief. People handle things differently and especially at such a young age you never know what kind of effects your actions are going to have. I'm not saying that going to the Navy is going to screw up your kid, I'm just saying don't dismiss the possibility that your prolonged abscenses may have quite a large effect on his developing psyche.

As for the second part that I quoted, I think you're putting a focus a little too much on money. Is money important? In a way yes but it isn't WHAT'S important. There are many families that are very wealthy but for that wealth the father is out of the home damn near all the time. Working his ass off to provide oodles of money for a nice home, good cars, everything the children and the family wants. But he's always gone. The relationship between the father and child dies and eventually turns to resentment. Doesn't always happen, depends on the degree of absence really. I'm just saying be careful how you play it, realize how sensitive he is particularly when he's this young, and know that money will never be as important as you spending time with him in his childhood, no matter what the money is for.

Zekk - your right. I need to think about this more..

The only reasons I can think of joining as of now are only selfish reasons. Degree. Time alone. Learn self discipline. Make people proud of me. To become stronger and gain the muscles I want quickly.

Yes, I know that none of these things will happen unless I work hard at them - whether i join or not. I am being selfish because I am lazy. I have no motivation in life, or at least my mind chooses not to see it if its there, and the Navy would push me and will become my own motiviation.

To be totally honest with you guys.. this is going to sound very selfish and mundane.. I just want to be recognized as something good for once. It's been a long time since I was looked up upon. A very long time. I want to win back my ex. I have for along time now. I don't know if I've mentioned it before. But its what I truely want. Sometimes I let it show, sometimes I dont. Sometimes I even act like I want anyone - just to cover up what I truely want.

I am going to end this thread on this note seeing that the Navy really doesn't seem like the correct choice. At least not now. I am going to start another thread with the topic of what I want to talk about and receive advice on now, since this topic has become irrelevant to the subject at hand.