Trying to mend 7 year relationship
After being together for 7 years we decided to have some space to find out what it's like to be independent since we didn't know anything else apart from each other... 8 months later, after seeing a couple of guys briefly and being single I have realised I love him so much and don't want to spend my life with anyone else, after telling him I cared for him a lot still, he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with ANYONE right now not just me. He still wants to be my friend though and doesn't want me to try hard to convince him or anything, don't push it blabla. He likes having no strings right now...
So now I am at this awkward sort of contradicting stage of loving someone so very much and not being able to do anything... How wonderful. It is human to want to be in control of your life, your job, everything because when you’re not it just feels like a mess.
This is from my blog: You said don’t try. You said don’t push it. Then you said you want to be my “friend”. What is that crazy talk? So I send you a casual-whatever-relaxed-text-with an open ended offer to feel free to come over and hang out whenever and I wait for your reply which comes exactly one week later. And I respect your “don’t push it” rule and WAIT patiently and go against my instincts to message you during that WEEK with pointless dribble to prove that I exist still… Then I go online every night just to see you online and watch your green available light fade to white as you go idle, then green again, then wait for you to talk to me because you told me not to try hard… Then you go offline. Every night. A week of this and I gather the courage to just say hello- where is the harm in that? We are “friends” right? 51 minutes later when I know you have been “green” that entire time, you reply. So this is my life- waiting a week (and an hour) for replies, not pushing you, being your friend that doesn’t try too hard because you want your space and love your freedom and I am respecting that. Because I love you THAT much.
