Broke up months ago...can't get over him.

In mid-October my boyfriend, whom I had been with for a few years, broke up with me. He did it for various reasons, mostly because he is married and his wife was on the verge of finding out about he and I. ( I didn't have a problem with being with a married man, I actually prefer it).
I had told him he needed to be more discreet, but he insisted I meet his wife, and proclaim our friendship to her, and be friends with her as well. I didn't like her much but I did as he asked. Turned out I was right, she was jealous and could not handle the friendship, and basically told him to get rid of me.

Here is the thing...I am 'over' him, basically, and in fact have no thoughts whatsoever that I would ever get back with him. He disgusts me, in fact. But I cannot get over the fact that he just dropped me after a two + year relationship over the phone, without even a preemptive strike to maybe continue lying to his wife, telling her he was no longer seeing me or friends with me. I just feel very unfullfilled. Like there was no closure.

Additionally, only a couple of months after he dropped me, he got in contact with an old girlfriend he had previously. Now..tell me, if he could not see me any longer, why could he see her? This is what makes me disgusted, and feel very used. It literally still makes me sick that he did this to me, and made me so incredibly bitter.

Every time I think of him, all I think of is dirty things, mean things. I cannot look back on this relationship in a pleasant, 'hey, we had fun while it lasted' type way. Maybe because of the way it ended.

I keep somewhat track of him via internet websites, and I don't even know why. I guess i'm interested to know what he's doing, or if he's a failure now, or whatever. And I delight in any misfortune that falls his way.

What can I do to stop thinking of this waste of time guy?

What's so wrong with his wife that he keeps getting girlfriends?

Well, not that I believe what he told me in the past, but I do not think his wife enjoys sex. He likes things a bit freaky, and she's more standard and does not like to do it all the time. She pretty much only likes it occasionally, and used her cronic yeast infections as an excuse to not have sex. He told me when he had sex with her and she ate bread, it caused her yeast infection. I don't get it, never heard of that before, but whatever. He has two kids with this woman, so I assume he loves her and would never leave her under any cirumstance. Not that I ever wanted him to. He was not the type one would like to marry. He's a cheater. Ironic right?

The first thing you need to do is to realise that you deserve someone who wants to be with you and you only, who is not already married to someone else, and who is willing to commit to you. Being with a married man is like eating crumbs from the table, right? He gets to have his fun with you whenver he wants, without concern for your feelings or for his wife.

And believe me when I say that I know all this from experience. About 6 years ago, when I was still living in my home country, I had an affair with an older married man for about 6 months, and he would constantly tell me that his wife hated sex, she was bulimic and self-harming, the only reason he stayed with her was so she wouldn't kill herself etc. I ended the affair when he told me was going to court for physically attacking his wife, but even then he pledged his innocence. He claimed that she had hurt herself and then called the police, and then blamed him. But guess what, he was convicted and sentenced for abusing his wife, and I know in my gut that he must have done it. I have not seen or spoken to him since, and looking back on it I can honestly say I am really glad I got out in time.

I am not saying that your guy is a wifebeater, all I am saying is that you are so much better off without him. Now you are free to find someone who truly loves you :)

You can't really be all that surprised that this cheater didn't treat you right. It's part of the package. Cheaters aren't exactly princes, now are they?

Has anyone ever broken up with you before? Maybe you're just pissed because you didn't get to control how it went down. You keep revisiting it because it just doesn't make sense to you.

You know, Bossy, you are exactly right. I think if I had the upper hand, maybe I wouldn't keep revisiting it. So how do I fix this/ I want to stop thinking about this dirty bastard?

Wish I knew. I am STILL pissed about the wanker who played me, lied to me and disappeared after he got into my pants and that was over four years ago.

Maybe you should call his wife and tell her he's back in touch with his ex.

Expect a cheater to treat you like he's treating his wife ;)

Heh...that might actually heal me right up. I don't know....I really honestly want nothing else to do with him and that might invite him to start attempting to talk to me again. But decent enough idea. I just want him erased from my memory, and I'm still seething over his shitty way of sloughing me off. Makes me feel very icky.

This is true TJavis. I should have seen it coming. And I possibly did. I think i'm just very prideful and I hate that the control was his, and he was able to just throw me away without any thought to me..although he proclaimed I was like his right arm. He couldn't live without my companionship..bleh.

How about, learn from this and start dating single guys? I have no remorse for something like this. How can you possibly expect to come out of something like that with a happy ending? Or even closure for that matter? You must have know this going in.

No I did. That's why I don't understand why I feel terrible about he fact that he was able to just discard me like trash. I guess it's not that i can't get over him, I can't get over that he made me feel like a piece of trash.

I know what you mean. That's a feeling you'll probably never forget. It's probably for the best, too. Like a scar, it's there to remind you to be more careful in the future.

honey you were just a booty call to him and nothing more.

Dr your in love with a man who cheats and lies for a living. For gaweds sake let it go and find yourself someone who isnt married. I dated a married woman once, that lasted an entire week. My schedule revolved around her schedule which revolved around her husband schedule. You'll always get the short end of the stick in that relationship. Let the other girl deal the crap he's dishing out, guaranteed you'll be happier once that loser is out of your life.