2 years, 4 months, no more..

Well, just as the title says, I'm now single after over 2 years in a good relationship. And its rough. Thought I'd post here and talk to people instead of calling her or doing something stupid.. I don't have close contact with many of my friends anymore, so not many people to talk to. I live in a small town, and there are very limited options when it comes to spare time. And to top it off, I have to go to work every single day in an even smaller town, sit on the couch doing nothing, and all I've got to entertain myself is my laptop and unfortunately Facebook...

As in most relationships, we've had our ups and downs. Downs mostly related to me getting jealous about her dancing with her ex and such. This last time, he was rubbing all up and down on her, and I got upset. Again. But when I told her, she only got mad at me, which she so often did. Every bad thing was always my fault. Anyways, after our last fight, things got weird. She started to get emotionally cold, and it didn't take many days before she told me that she didn't know whether to break up or stay with me. She wanted to wait for a while and see, but now, after 5-6 days or so, she did it. It was one ****ed up night. No arguing or nothing like that, but she had to stay at my place over night or she wouldn't get to work in the morning (no car). Imagine that night, me devastated as I more and more understood where it was heading. We were hugging and telling each other how we'd always care for one another. (I cried, Im good at that). We slept in the same bed, and in the morning, after some more crying and feelings, I dropped her off for work. Now imagine that feeling I had while driving away after I dropped her off, thinking about that I'd never hug her again in the way I used to, stroke her hair, hold her and talk to her the way I've been used to for the last two years. It was, without doubt, the worst feeling I've ever felt. Even worse than the last time she broke up (!) a year ago. That feeling still tears inside me, and I feel like there is nothing to do. I'm stuck in the same little town as her for another 4-5 months. As said, the spare-time alternatives are few. Very few. I can run around and work out, or I can go snowboarding the two nights I can make it after work. No cinemas or nothing like that. Another issue is that I don't have too many friends right now. My world consisted of my girlfriend, and almost her alone. I didn't maintain my friendships well, and as a consequence, I don't really have anyone to talk to.

I feel panic when I think about it. I knew that it would come to an end sooner or later. It was me pulling to make it work, all the time. I try to think about that, and that I cant let this take over, but the situation right now feels so hopeless. I'm hopefully leaving for Australia in 4-5 months, but until then, what do I do?!

Most of you probably know how it feels, but seriously, its so gut-wrenchingly painful, and that panic that comes every few minutes is horrible. How am I really supposed to just walk away and forget everything.

I completely know exactly where you're at. Ugh... 5 months ago I was freshly-heartbroken and boy I'm glad I'm not in that lonely place anymore.
Time... time time time. Thats all. There's no magic formula, no spell, no words or wand that make it go away, speed up or become easier.

Coming on here helped me more than anything I think. I had zero friends. I would suggest gym and to have the snowboarding is surely a massive plus? Something really energetic to take your mind off things.

I think the best piece of advice I can give you is: no matter how bad you feel, how lonely, how desperate, make sure you make the effort to go out. You wont 'feel' like it at all but just do it. Its horrible dwelling.

My heart goes out to you, its a horrible position to be in.

Thanks for replying. Really helps just to communicate. I will try getting out as much as I can. Will probably stay away from parties and such though. Cant stand the thought of running into her on a party. Or even worse, seeing her flirting. I know guys will be lining up for her considering that she's very good looking. It kills me to think about that.. And thinking about that is just what I do during the hours I'm at work. There is seriously nothing to do other than wait for closing time, and its truly just horrible. Isn't it amazing how your feelings can make you hurt more than anything physical?

How did you go about when you were in your rough spot? Seems as if you're pulling through allright?

I keep worrying all the time, and I'm so scared that it will continue like this, and that it will hurt this bad when I think about it. I've never been good at leaving hurtful feelings behind..

Anyways, thanks again for responding. Means a lot

You have a computer so you have the world at your fingertips. Get into something new. Learn something difficult and time-consuming, like Mandarin Chinese. Get a guitar and learn how to play it. Read a hundred books. There's plenty to do.

Take a break from Facebook. That's only going to feed your heartbreak.

It's something we all go through...those are pretty much the only words that give me comfort in a time like that. It's part of the human experience. It's some f-cked up deal we agreed to when we were born. I won't try to create a battle of the sexes argument, but I don't think most girls realize how deep a man's love runs for them. It's more comparable to the love a woman feels for her child. You want to provide for her, take care of her, make her smile, and put her happiness before your own. And when it's taken away, there is a feeling of uselessness that follows. Like any sadness or tragedy, you will have a mourning period that is appropriate for you.
As hard as it is to let go, you should start focusing on the future. You say you have 4-5 months left? That's really not a whole lot of time. Wherever it is you are going, you should be thinking now on how you want to be then. You will meet another girl soon enough, and she will be crazy about you....and you her.

4 months for me, and like everyone will tell you time time time, now what you do with that is really up to you, you can either sulk and cry about it but sooner or later you gonna have to move on why not start now. as for me as soon as it's over it was over i enrolled myself to go to school, been going to the gym/boxing/running 4 miles a day, found a 3rd job, id make sure the only time im home is when im about to sleep. sure i still think about her, i think about her everyday but its getting less and less and you surprise yourself and say hey wait was this the first time i thought about her.

i know its rough in the beginning and you'll probably start doubting yourself don't. improve yourself. this is the time when you can actually grow, do something that you've been wanting to do. you said 4-5 months you might be leaving for Australia? start preparing for that. get that mindset that your free, and remember your an individual person, a great person before her and im sure you can be that same person after her. if you need some confidence boost start writing some goals you want to accomplish, nothing too difficult but something you've been wanting to do, like for example for me getting A's for my first semester in school and i did.

go out and meet new people, meet new personality and different perspective. for me i didn't wanna go out for the first few weeks, but then i said i gotta live life because it's not going to wait for me.

im in the point right now where m not happy but at the same time im better than i felt yesterday and i believe that's moving forward, moving on. what i list worked out for me just great, i learned a lot of lesson along the way. for example having someone is not suppose to complete you but complement you, they should not make you happy but add on to your happiness. i will probably won't be content as i was during the relationship, because i set the bar high enough that i expect the best out of me so i expect the best out of her for me.

Thanks for replying people. Good to see someone takes the time to interact :)

Its been a week now. One long week! I can see I'm making progress already though. I had my mind set on getting out of this shit bubble from the start. I've been out snowboarding every single day, for 7 hours straight even. My family is understanding enough to cover for me at work (family business), so I havent been sitting here very much.

I've discovered that the evenings/nights are the worst. When I start thinking about how much better it would be to have her next to me, and that I really dont want her to be with someone else. My two solutions though, is being with friends till the clock strikes at least 4 in the morning, and/or watching every feelgood movie I can find until I get so tired that I fall asleep. There isnt a moment of silence around me, I cant take it. I get headaches every day now though, I think its because of all the noise when I'm asleep.. But it kinda works, so thats how its got to be.

Today I decided to go away for the weekend. Im visiting a friend in a city about 250 kilometers away. Figured some new people and places would be good. Have some beers and say hello to some nice ladies :) And when I get back, Im going straight to some friends about 150 kilometers away. A buddy of mine is borrowing a cabin right next to the slopes, so we will snowboard a lot! :)

And the best thing; Today I ordered my trip to Australia. Going in 4 months!! Yeah!!