My Interesting Story

A while back i posted a snippet of this story but ill recap (sorry for the essay);

A few months ago i met the most amazing girl. Both in our mid-late 20's . Shes was absolutely perfect for me and we instantly connected. When it came to asking her out (this was back in november of last year), she said she wanted to but still wasnt quite ready as she had broke up with her ex boyfriend in march sometime earlier. I accepted this and gave her all the space she needed in terms of a romantic relationship, however as we were such close friends we kept texting and speaking to eachother every day. We would meet up many times during the week and just hang out together and we became very close.

The problem was that she never told me that her ex was trying to get back with her until it was too late. In the end i basically fell in love with her. Quite weird really because i never officially went out with her or anything, but love is a mysterious thing! She told me she needed to make a decision between the ex and myself. This wait lasted for a few months and i offered many times to just leave the equation for her but she said she didnt want me to (and i didnt really want to either for obvious selfish reasons). In this period i truly understood the fear of rejection and i knew it was getting worse the closer i was getting to her because deep down i could tell what her answer would be. People i know generally go back to their ex's even though theyve cheated on them just because they know what they're getting and the experiences theyve already shared. But i just had to wait for her answer.

Only last week did i receive it and of as expected it wasnt what i wanted to hear. She told me that it was the hardest choice shes had to make because she had fallen in love with me too, but had to give her ex another chance as shes had so much of an experience with him and didnt want it to all go to waste (4 years). The main fear she had was losing me as her best friend and the thought that i would hate her for what she had done. Although very upset i just couldnt be annoyed with her. I guess because i truly love her i understood everything she was going through and probably in her position i would have done the same. We had a sad meet up and had a long chat about everything. We promised to be the best of friends together and we're still doing everything we were doing before, only now i've accepted that she cannot be my girlfirend.

The problem is i still love her and the fact that she had done nothing wrong means no emotion has been lost. I know its only been a week but im struggling with sadness because i feel so empty. The way around this would of course be to go out and date other girls but it just doesnt feel right for now. I guess the fact that i still speak and see her so often is maybe part of the problem, but even she has told me i should go and find someone that 'deserves me' (often countered with her saying that deep down she doesnt want me to find anyone because shes selfish and wants me too etc.!).

So thats my story and i hope it might help others in sharing their experiences. I would appreciate if you could offer me your thoughts and knowledge on the situation and what i should now do.

Thanks :)

It's unfortunate that you're not getting what you want. However, it takes two to tango, and there's not much you can do if she has decided to be with someone else. Let time do its thing and evertyhing will get better.

You can try and stay close friends, but make sure that doing so doesn't pull you in further and get you hurt more. I'm sure you'll feel warm and fuzzy inside when you see her, but it'll hurt to know that she's not yours. Maybe you can see and talk to her less and just let yourself heal first.

But other than that, I wouldn't let it stop you from seeing other people or just having fun. Love comes and goes and we don't always get what we want.

I'm no relationship expert but I have been in your situation before, twice to be exact. Well, the first time I just kept being nice to her, spent time with her, telling myself that I'm just being a good friend to her... Of course, deep down, I knew what I was doing, I was still hoping that in time she would change her mind. She didn't.

Now, with the second occasion, I took what I learned and basically cut her off as soon as I realized that she would only be a friend.

The way I see it, I started off wanting to start a relationship with her, and she knows that 100%... Even though it may not be intentional, she didn't want me to stop making her feel good and still wanted me to treat her the same way before.

I'm not saying that you have to stop contact with her completely, all I'm saying is that the more you hang out with her, the more likely you would hope for the same thing I did... In the end, it is possible that desire would monopolize your effort and consume your life, while your energy is probably better spent elsewhere, like work/education/other women.

In my case, I put forth my effort to finish my grad degree and just got a great job! (Not to mention I channeled my energy into my work out power, lifting weight, work out abs, and running for 3 miles a day ever since the first break up...) I'm still single, but I'm definitely more confident about myself now!

So, I hope this help and that you will be rid of this miserable nonsense soon!