Lucky escape or a BIG mistake?
Hi -
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years and now I am wondering whether I've made the biggest mistake of my life and the only chance I'm ever going to get at happiness or whether I've had a lucky escape.
Since before Christmas, my ex had been in a really funny mood. He was really off with me all of the time, yet when I asked him what was wrong he just said it was him and nothing to do with me. Then one night I rang him and he was really funny with me and again I asked him what was wrong, and he said it was me. He told me that he felt like he was second best in my life. I told him that was completely untrue and he knew how I felt about him - I was always telling him how much I loved him etc.
Anyway, over the 10 years he lied to me about a number of different things, but I chose to turn a blind eye because I always felt that if I didn't have him in my life, I didn't have anybody. He met some people off of the internet about 6 years ago to go skiing with. They were all strangers when they met and over the last 6 years they became firm friends. When he would go away and visit them, he'd never allow me to go with him and used to say that were HIS friends and he didn't want me to meet them. That left me getting suspicious and paranoid - I had no idea who these people were. In fact last year, he went away with them more than he went away with me. Then on his birthday last year, I discovered he invited another girl out for dinner and drinks. I'd never even heard of her before. He told me they were good friends and were in regular contact. I was so upset that he could do something like that to me, but again gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought it must be innocent. Again last year, he dropped a holiday on me - that he was going away with this group of people that he stayed with and he claims he'd told me, but I knew he hadn't - but he went, no pictures from this holiday, so I have no idea who he went with.
We decided to look to buy a property together. He asked me for all of my financial information and said that he'd sort the mortgage out and to leave it all to him, which I did. We found a place we likd and put an offer in. After the offer was put in, he told me that he'd only done the mortgage in his name - leaving me with no legal claim to the property. He said it was all about money at the end of the day and if we broke up. he didn't want me to get 50% when he was putting the bulk of the money down. This upset me and I said, but it was meant to be a partnership... Am I right in thinking that I deserved more than that after 10 years - did he really think I was a gold digger?
Then the other Sunday, he had one of his moods on again. He told me he didn't want to see me. He said he was in a loner mood, but stupidly I went over to see him anyway. He was meant to have gone to London that Sunday to see these friends and said he still might go and was waiting for a call. So I said if he was in a loner mood , he didn't want to see anybody. So I ended up going shopping with his mother and she told me that I was whingeing for nothing and moving in together was a commitment. I didn't see it like that and I said if I moved in with him, I was just going to be the lodger and not his partner - 10 years I'd waited for him. Anyway, we came home from the shops and he asked to have a chat. He said he needed some time and space to think abotu whether he wanted to be in a relationship with me and said he thought it best that I left and he'd let me know his decision. I told him that he'd done that to me too many times in the past and this time I refused to wait around for his decision - he shoudl know after 10 years how he felt, and I wasn't going to then come back to him and be on trial for a further 3 weeks as I'd been before. it was mental torture. So I said if I left, I left and wouldn't come back, so he just let me go. I've not heard from him since.
Part of me is angry with him for treating me like this, another part still misses him and lovs him very much. Did I mess up or have I had a lucky escape??
