Relationship Advice Needed

Hi all,

I don't know how to say this but I need some advice. On March 4th this year, i'll have been married 5 years, but our marriage is on the rocks. I am 31 and my wife is 47 - not that it makes a difference.

4 years ago, I stupidy signed up on a dating site - dont know why as I wasnt looking for anything. I also was looking at pr*n. My wife found out and it hurt her a lot, which was understandable. She agreed in the end that porn is fine, it was the dating site she had issues with so I said I wouldnt go on any ever again, and I wouldnt use social networking sites. This has stayed in place and wont change.

Over the last month, although my wife said porn was fine, I chose hide what sites I had been on because I didnt want her seeing the stuff I like (I am not into sex sites, just sites like Met-Art, Perfect 10 etc - you know they 'classy' side of it).

I made a poor judgement call when in the space of a month, I signed up for 3 websites. Dont know why, as 2 I cancelled soon after. I did, however, renew Met-Art for a year.

My wife doesnt like deceit, and said we should always have things out in the open - but I didnt want to rub her nose in it, so I did *most* of the browsing on my phone. I saved the bookmarks - didnt try to hide them - but didnt want it being 'in her face'.

On the Met-Art site, there were a few women who I liked - could just be the particular set, or a smile, or basque... so I saved them to my favourites. They happened to be blondes with small boobs, size 0.

When my wife found out, it hurt her a lot. She believes that my tastes have changed from what I see in her to wanting these 20 year old blondes with tiny boobs and slim waistes. That isnt the case.

I can't tell her that my tastes have changed as all she sees are these women. I really DONT have a thing for that look - it was purely something to crack one off over in a spare 3 mins.

Now this is looking to split us up. She knows I love her but she keeps thinking that if we get intimate it is because she is 'on tap' and doesnt want to be 2nd fiddle to that. She has told me I am free to have sex with whoever I like - but I am not interested in that.

We've been arguing for the last 7 days and she isnt eating or sleeping. Nothing I say or do will make her change her mind as she truely believes that I am wanting someone else and not her. I dont

I just dont know what we are going to do. On Monday we're off for 5 days to a log cabin in the woods with a sauna and hot tub - all romantic - but this is just making everything awkward. I want my wife to know how much I love her and want HER but she isnt listening. She says she has no issue with me being on the site still. The thing is, I had on my iphone loads of photos of women of different hair colour, sizes, boobs etc but I removed it so I cant show her that I dont look at one style alone!

I am at wits end :(