What do i make out of it??? pleasee read it :)
Ok, so it has been the most s*rewed up 4 hours in the last 2 months or so.
So that the thing, my ex broke up with me about 3 months ago, and at the beginning i saw her every now and then because we go to the same gym, but in the last 2 months i have been going to a different location so i will not have to see her.
Well, today i decided to go to the very same location that i used to go, where my ex is going.
Now, a little bit of background, I used to be a pretty hardcore body builder, im not saying i was huge, but i was pretty big without any steroids or anything as such because i was eating a lot of healthy food and working out on regular basis about 4 times a week and i had a pretty nice body, i went out with my ex for almost a year and in the last 7 months i just quit gym because i could keep them both because im also working and studying, so slowly i gave up on body building and didnt go to the gym for 7 months.
In the meantime as you can imagine, i lost much of my muscles and became really really skinny because I didnt not had time to work out and eat as much as i used to, so when the ex left me, i was all time low when it comes to physical apperance (when i came back to the gym, my old work out body got scared and asked what the hell has happened to me).
In addition, when i was with my ex she always tried to convince me to try cool stuff such as cool chains and stuff like that, but i wasnt really into this stuff so i told her that there is no way i will wear anything like it, it is just not my style.
Anyhow, fastfawrd, after the break up, I got back to the gym, and despite of the fact that i havn't got to the way i used to be, after 2 months of working out people said that i looked much much better than when i came back , it comes back to me, but im not there yet. In addition after the break up, a good female friend of mine bought me a really beautiful silver chain to remind me that I have friends i can count on no matter what, I wear it all the time, I guess i was wrong and it is my style, it looks very nice
some more background, i already posted here that in the past, right after the break up, i saw my ex 3 times at the gym, and all of the times she always come up to me and perhaps tried to say hello or goodbye or something, but i always ignored her and also since the gym is not all the big, when we would move around we would pass next to each other and ignore each other, after any encounter such as this, i was feeling terrible for the whole day and perhaps for the next couple following days, so i sent her a pretty rude msg on facebook saying leave me the hell alone.
Today, i was just about to finish my work out, and who do i see? i see her? and another guy, most likely her current boyfriend.
I dont know why, but i decided to stay just to show her that i am doing much better physically and that im going back to my shape and also the chain, she is very materialistic and never misses anything tangible on the body.
This time it was kind of a game, I would work on a machine, and then she would pass right next to me, knowing that i see her and sit down on a machine next to me and work out, and i have a good side vision, i saw that she was looking at me the whole time, i was just ignoring her for the whole time.
Next, i would pass kind of next to her and i would not look at her and be nearby so she could see me, anyhow this game lasted for like 1.5 hours, and despite of the fact that her boyfriend was there, she kept on playing this game.
That is so funny, she used to be beautiful, but when i saw her now, she changed her haircut and she got some wrinkles on her face, noticeably gained weight and she looks old now, i dont know what has happend to her, but she became ugly from being really beautiful and she got an older boyfriend, she is 26 the guy looks like he is 35 or something.
The wierd thing is that i rememebr that in my first encounters with her in the gym during the first month of th break out, i would totally freak out and shake and feel really bad for a while.
But this time when i saw her, i got non of these reacions or emotions, and i was thinking to myself "oh my god she looks so old and fat, what the hell did i find in her, and look at her boyfriend, is she so desperate"
I even saw them kissing outside, and it was really wierd, for some reason i didnt care, I remember when i would imagine her kissing another guy i would feel like dying, when i actually saw it, it didnt do much to me, i dont understand it.
Maybe it didnt kick in yet, maybe tomorrow i will wake up in tears, but at the moment i feel so calm that i dont understand how can it be, i know that i am not over my ex because i think about her all the time, but what the hell do i make out of it.
In a way i feel like perhaps it gave me some closure, it brought closer the discrepancies in my head, because when i miss my ex and think about her, i have this image of beautiful girl who always loved me, bla bla bla, now i saw in the reality that she is ugly and fat, has an old and ugly boyfriend, and even though i ignored her all the time, she kept on checking me out, she looked desperate to me, and it is such a turn off.
As i said i dont know what to make out of it help me to figure out what is going on, will i wake up tomorrow in tears or will it bring peace closer to me? Another thing is that everybody say to avoid contact and seeing the ex, so if this experience of seeing the ex actually help, should i go with this tactict and keep on seeing her in the gym untill my mind will understand that she is fat ugly and desperate woman so that eventually it will come closer to healing?
