idk how to love anymore

:french: let us begin a journey into the life of a fool

• preschool - I liked few girls
• under 10 - girl I kissed on cheek in spin the bottle cried and ran away
• high school - never socialized, kinda did it more than I do now
• around 17 - crushed on a druggie girl to no avail
• 18 - LDR whom I never met was a succubus, she's currently ignoring me on facebook (like I care)
• present day - I'm almost 19, shy as hell, quit my weed addiction for all the right reasons

Today I'm ready to socialize with people. Except I'm scared to death at what cost. I let a girl who lives across America with severe emotional problems, worse than mine, suck my ****in soul right out of me since I allowed her to control my sex life, masturbating to her, even after the time I webcammed it to her while she belly danced. All winter long I did this and it was all a waste of time, just to find out that I have a problem with using marijuana as a way to escape reality. Dont worry I quit.

I feel like my first love turned out to be my first lust since all I really did was spend too much time on the computer. With her... She's even bisexual and I ruined it. But it's pretty apparent to anybody who's mature enough that there was nothing there to ruin. We just basically perpetuated a lie.

:tough: dont even wanna feel emotions anymore, just basically gotta do what society is forcing me to, find a job or die of hunger

How'd she suck your soul away?

cause I personally think she's a creepy stalker... with huge boobs :sad2:

I gotta admit it was fun while it lasted, but she took my one moment of weakness and blew it right out of proportion, when in reality I was trying to do the right thing by quitting my drug addiction and seeking help from others, she mistook me as doing something wrong to her... when all I was doing was typing to a facebook profile.

Then that ****in song she liked came on the radio "hey soul sister" and I listened to the whole thing, enraged, after the song before it which was actually good, soothing to listen to a woman sing "I think im fallng for you"