Uhho.. Infatuation?

Hey everyone!

Something weird has happened that has me very worried. It began with this girl whom i met online and we once and awhile would casual flirt and talk. Note she lives very far away!

Anyway the bad part began yesterday, what happened was while getting home i was about to relax and whatnot when she gets online and suggests Internet sex & whatnot. Of course being the shy person i am.. I decided to do alcohol to remove my irritating inhibitions. The night was pretty good we has a quite long session of flirting, text sex, then some webcam stuff. Then we even bonded kind of as friends, mostly just friendly talk nothing too relationship like.

I noticed when talking to her i fell insecure at times.. like feeling i'm not good enough then saying something that would imply the need for sympathy. Like uhm.. "I guess i'm not hardcore enough"(after she said i wasnt hardcore enough when i said i was having a hard time "getting it up" after wanking for too long..) But i didn't just say that as sarcasm or anything I had that insecure feeling and that hope for sympathy I guess.. as if too be intimidated by the "hardcoreness" of her. Not that shes really hardcore, but she seems abit intimidating to me in a way and that made me feel like that for some reason. she's one of those girls who really likes loud intense extra sweaty hardcore sex lol, not that i don't.. the thought of it just seems overkill to me. or maybe i am intimidated by it..

Anyway today I thought i felt a little funny while i was at work. like something seemed unusual but i didn't think much of it. When i got home she was online and i left her some messages then she responded. we only talked for abit and just casual no flirting. But i felt the need to make conversation yet i didn't know what to say and was nervous and socially awkward. Then i said some stupid socially awkward stuff and relieved i was nervous and just... stuff i wouldn't normal do unless it was someone i was close to.. Like an actually girl friend for example.

But anyway she had randomly got offline and i began to suffer the need to talk to her and make up for the loss of.. confidence in me. Anyway tonight i can't help but feeling that disturbed state of consciousness that you get when infatuated.(Ive been infatuated twice before but not since over 3 years ago) You know that state when you feel fine one second but you can't perceive things the same without that feeling of sadness.. changed perception and not being able to enjoy anything because of a sad/insecure disturbance. Not to mention feeling the need to talk to her.

Honestly although it feels like what i felt once before when i was infatuated, It's very mild compared to then. When reading about Limerence on Wiki under "Components"Alot of things fit into place.. like fear of rejection which i have, longing for a close relationship(i have been over the past few month, although i always looked at it in a positive way.. because i knew to enjoy being single while it lasts and did very much, but i would fantasize about my future relationships because i craved that romance) Etc..

This could just blow off in a few days and i'm hoping it does.. who knows maybe ill wake up tomorrow and feel normal..I've been pretty confident and doing generally good in life like i don't mean to sound insecure or anything i've been a sufferer of AVP and fear of judgment, but lately ive been doing good in that area. I'm just worried that this may drag on and take me down? Ive had somewhat bad experiences with infatuation in the past.

Thank you for reading my story forumers! hope to read some thoughts on it.. or similar experiences?

Don't wank on webcam.

It's not real.

Don't do it.

Get a real girlfriend.

I didn't actually wank on webcam.. also that's far from the point. I''m not looking to be in a relationship at this time.

I, um, wow. I can't say I've had any similar experiences, but I do caution you about going further into an online-relationship. I do see why you would get that awkward feeling though. It was an intimate moment afterall, it wasn't sex per se, but the emotion could still be there.

I hope it becomes clear for you soon.

Thanks. This wasn't really expected at all.. It was just a having fun type thing you know. And i'd never get into an online relationship unless the person lived somewhat close to me. Ill just keep my distance from her and see

BTW in a moment of insecurity i kind of regret posting this in case it's too personal or it just makes me seem like some loser who can't get a real girlfriend. I'm not a bad looking guy and can i'm just very shy so i don't really socialize too much. I'm good at parties when i'm on something. but when sober i find it very hard to relax and be myself

There are a lot of males like that. who are shy and find it difficult to socialise..That is why a lot of men do turn to the internet thing.. I think your doing the best thing by keeping distance from her.