My lost love. Help!

Hey, I hope some kind person will help me out:

I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 years, six months ago. I was a complete wreck for a while but I’m putting my life back on track now and I’m content to be single. The thing is: I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about her.

We both made sacrifices to be together, one was my job which I changed three years ago and still hate. I blamed her for my misery without even realising it. I made other mistakes and drove her away. Thinking back, things should have been different. She truly loved me at one time but I became remote and didn’t want to spend any time with her because I hated myself. I felt trapped in our house and in my job. I was too weak to act. She met someone online and told me she had feelings for him and it was unfair not to tell me. I felt betrayed and left. She didn’t try to stop me. Now I’m single, I realise that all my problems are easy to fix (except for her) and I’m almost there. I’ve learned some hard lessons and I feel like a new man.

Here’s the thing; I’m sure things would have worked out if I’d fixed my own problems sooner. We haven’t spoken for three months and I still wake up thinking about her every morning. I can’t concentrate at work. I have no idea what’s going on in her love life but I do want to speak to her again even if it’s just to get some closure or explain why I did what I did. I still love her and would do anything for another chance but I said and did things after we broke up that may be unforgivable. I also said I’d leave her alone to get on with her new life and she hasn’t said a word to me since.

My questions:
Does her lack of contact mean that she doesn’t care anymore?
Should I try to get in touch and if not, how can I forget her without closure?

Any other advice would be most appreciated!

Thanks for reading.

Ouch. I feel for you. We don't know all the deatils of you breakup, but you said you said some hurtful things... depending what you said, things may be over, they may not be.

Her not contacting you for so long, means to me, she has probably moved on. I'd guess she may be with this guy from online now, but you never know. The things that I like are you said, "i feel like a new man". That is good, keep going with that, and go forword, not back.

I think you should just continue your life. You say you need closure, and I 100% understand that... the problem is... if you start trying to contact her again, to get this closure, one, she may not even talk to you, or two, she may... but either way, your emotions are going to run wild... and when things don't work out again, you are going to be in pain for a lot longer again... you have healed a while, don't make yourself restart that process.

Thanks, you are totally right. Deep down I know she has moved on and isn't looking back but accepting that isn't easy.

After the breakup I didn't say anything too bad but one day she called me and said she's having her 'friend' from online over to stay. At this point, the house was still in my name and her bed was one given to me by my parents. I got mad and demanded my bed back, even though I wouldn't be using it and put it in storage. I said I didn't want her shagging on my bed because I'd never forget and would have to burn it. Yes, that was very petty but I was hurt that she was having a new relationship so soon. So yes, I deserve the cold shoulder. I'm not proud of what I did but I'm glad I got my bed back!

The thing is, we have a lot of mutual friends and I just know that one of them will let slip with some little snippet of information about whats going on in her new life. I get nervous around my friends for this reason and because I know nothing of her, I also get paranoid. So I'd rather hear it from her now because I'm bound to find out eventually. I don't want to undo the progress I'm making.