I've given up on ever finding love. I want love but love doesn't want me, people always say I'm a great catch. Male friends in relationships, joke, If I wasn't married... I've been told I'm pretty, have a great personality, and I will admit I do have to lose a few pounds ( but I'm no where near obese) so I'm actively working out and going to the gym. I considered becoming a lesbian, but I don't like women in that way ( believe me I've tried). I don't believe in ridiculous standards ( has to be so tall, make this much money etc). I truely suffer from bridesmaid syndrome, so many of my friends have gotten married, even those who thought it would never happen for them. In fact I would encourage them that their time will come. What about my time. I did met a wonderful man recently, but I know he's not interested in me. I'm so tired of putting my heart out there just to be broken again. I pray to become asexual, to just not care, but the more I pray the more I want love. I often think a cruel joke is being played on me. I just wish I didn't care so much, it just hurts so bad, I often wish I had no emotions at all. I cry myself to sleep often, it really hurts, I want to not care anymore ...