A New Opportunity and Still Not Happy?
So last week I started talking to this woman I met via Chemistry.com. Nice girl, she's 33 (I'm 31) with a great job and her own house. She lives about an hour's drive away from me and we've been chatting online and over the phone for the past several days. She's reasonably attractive and, much to my surprise, is interested in a lot of the same things as I am. Up to this point she is entirely aware of my job (night shift at a 7-Eleven) and my living situation (an apartment in my parents' house). So far after knowing these two things she's still talking to me which is awesome considering how much of a turnoff such things must naturally be to women. Needless to say I am still treading lightly. We've not yet gone out on our first date but I expect that to be happening within the week.
I really like her, yet...I'm not happy. It already feels like a much more compatible match than my ex-wife was yet...I'm just not happy. I see and recognize the things that would make us more compatible yet I don't "feel" it. Maybe because we haven't met face to face first, I don't know. However, I still check my ex's Facebook often and wonder WTF went wrong. I still pray and wish that her and I could somehow rekindle our lost relationship and go back to the way things were, the way I genuinely feel God and the universe meant them to be. Is this normal? Am I just not over my ex? Would I be doing this new woman a great injustice by pursuing her without being entirely rid of the attachment I still have for my ex? Will I ever be able to free myself of this attachment I have to my ex? Is a new woman more compatible with me the very thing I need to complete the detachment? Or should I just resign myself to staying deliberately single the rest of my life as a show of solidarity for the promise I made my ex at our wedding just a few short months ago, the promise of staying true to her, devoted to her and swearing to never think of another until the day I died?
I just don't know what to do. At some point past relationships are going to come up in conversation and I really don't know quite how I would explain my failed marriage to her. Naturally she'd take everything I said with a grain of salt and wonder just what I might be glossing over to make myself look good. To counteract this I could emphasize the mistakes I made but that could only put doubts into her mind about what a relationship with me would result in. And of course to even tell the story with any accuracy I would have to reveal my affinity for World of Warcraft.
It's odd. Why would this woman still be talking to me knowing I wasn't as successful as her? Oh sure I told her my goal was to eventually be store manager where I work (which has already been guaranteed to me within the year) and over the next few years save up and attempt to purchase a store of my own, but that's not really a "reaching for the stars" goal. That's more of a "settling for what I've been given" goal. I just don't get why this woman would still be talking to me when, over the last few months, so many wholly rejected me after brief conversations. Did I just find a one in a million? Or another loony? Or am I just entirely overanalyzing considering we haven't even been on a first date yet?
