krazy

I was trying to reply to a thread but coudn't so ill do my own. My first reply got erased but here was most of it. I am so confused and have mixed emotions its hard for me because to deal with my breakup. I was with my lady for 8 years and had a home,was engaged, trying to start a family and she started to question it all before we got married and you know that's normal. That feeling comes over you where you want to be sure and know what you are doing, so she ran away left me started to go on dates when out with friends and was living her life. The thing is I am not even mad because she deserves it I held her back for many reasons that's why she left me.Now she came back begging and crying saying she misses me now the smoke cleared. I am slowly taking her back and taking things day by day because things now are a bit awkward, but we are swallowing everything that has happened and starting over. My prayer was answered I got my chance and we apologized and are learning from our mistakes, but here's the problem one day she is ready to try then the next thoughts come rushing to her and makes her doubt it all. I cant live like this but I am trying to suck it up because I truly am in love with her and she is with me. She’s just scared if we get together again that we would fall back into the old habits and not change especially my part and she’s on the verge of accepting me, but she is scared that we wont change that's understandable ill even give her that its hard but she wants it to how do I convince her that everything will work out. I know no one knows my situation in detail, but believe me we both are dying to get back together. I have done everything all i can do I proved to her in words and my own actions in life that I have changed but she's still hesitant and I know its not that she doesn't love me its only because she’s so hurt and so am I and i am scared to, but i know we can do it the past is that just the past it hurts but it can dwell on us and i am ready to change and be the man she always wanted and deserves. My only advice to myself and all is suck it up bite our lip and have hope and faith that it will work out no matter time or situation. Funny thing is as of last Saturday I was sure she was gone out of my life and I started to face the fact of being alone and single and losing everything in my life, but Sunday the smoke clears and she comes back to me. just teasing me because shes trying to wet her feet then backs out then wets them again how long will this last!? i want to know if she wants me back or not its killing me badly!!!!!!

i also wanted to add she is going through so much she recently got diagnosed with graves/thyroid disease and its affecting her ever decision and action. Recently she has been coming back to me but she has been sick this week, I hate to think like this, but it scares me what if she only came to me because she didn't have anyone else or her dates didn't workout. We had a great first date Thursday night and it ended incredible and had a lot of fun, we had plans last night for dinner and yesterday while she showered she said she had some more thoughts again and broke off our date and didn't talk to me since 6 pm last night and hasn't called me what if she is still lying, feels better and went out. its possible i guess, but i just want to try again more than anything I HATE THIS!!!!!!! WHAT CAN I DO TO EASE HER MIND TOWARDS ME.???

I honestly think that the reason she came back is because she is scared and afraid of being alone and to not have you there to provide her with everything that you have so far. I believe she is doing this based on her own SELF interest because 1) she came begging and crying back to you (which I understand you were all too happy to oblige) and 2) she is STILL having doubts about you guys working out even though it was her decision to leave you then her decision to come back to you. I do not like the terms and matters of this situation. I can wholeheartedly agree that if some guy was there to swoop her off her feet, you would have never heard from her again. Obviously her fling fizzled out.

By all means, you can do whatever it takes to prove to her and show you you have changed. But there are two sides of the equation. If she doesn't or hasn't tried to change, why would the two of you conceivably work out? You weren't 100 percent of the problem and although you went great lengths and strides to become a better person and change, what has she done as well? She tried to erase you from her mind with somebody else and then came back to you when he wasn't meeting her needs. That leaves very little time for self reflection and change and all of her decisions were clearly made on an emotional whim.

I wish you the best but I urge you to really take this slow. I really believe your love for this woman is hurting you in a way as it has blinded you to everything before in the past. You guys are trying to mix having fun and being happy together with trying to fix and problem solve a broken relationship. You wouldn't pour gasoline on your pancakes for breakfast would you? Random analogy, I know.

thanks man, but since i wrote this post she has not contacted me for one whole week after breaking that date on Friday and actually i haven't felt better. I am done that completely changed me and made me realize instantly that shes so confused and i a going to let her go and move on and she is no longer my concern I really do feel better. This assurance comes from that i knew and was told this would happen by the end of the week when her cold went away and Friday an Saturday comes around to party she had a weak point Sunday and Monday then it was over by the end of week its just so funny!!!.