Head Messed (warning LONG)

When I first signed up to this I never thought I would be asking for advice, joined solely to help out. Not in a big headed way its just as relationships and things go ive been through quite alot everything from girls cheating on me to attempted suicide over other guys while there dating me, lots of wacky things but in genereal ive always found with my problems I take a deep breath think of a solution and go for it and end of the day theres plenty of girls round the corner.

Anyway this situation is just messing with my head in the weirdest way, its hard to explain.

There was this girl I had a crush on and I knew I deffinatly had a chance, then one day spent the day together (which we had done many times before) and I randomly went off her no idea why but she didnt go off me. We were extremely close friends and she was so lush to me always taking me to dinner, doing everything to spend time with me, it was sort of like being in a relationship with the most generous and lush girl ever but just as friends (really tryed to feel that way for her and while I could to a point I knew it wasnt enough)

We would always talk about relationships ect and everytime it came up she would hint wildly which got me thinking o crap. Anyway later down the line I get a girlfriend and at first she seemed abit weird but things went back to usual then me and this girl broke up due to her cheating on me, and next thing I know shes on a blood vendeta to kill this girl but at the same time seemed pretty happy i was single. We started hanging out like we use to and then everytime we got drunk together she would always drag me into bed.

Then one night I did something really stupid we got drunk and went back to hers and you know when you get really drunk and in that mood where you love everyone and everything, well i told her i liked her she said she didnt want to talk about that while i was drunk and then we spent the rest of the night as if we were dating. Woke up thinking o crap but she didnt mention it so i figured she had forgot and i just ignored it, then next day i go to a club get on some girls and get one of there numbers.

Of course now while dosnt hate me, its like im just a person in the background to her, other day she bought everyone a funny t-shirt from this market thing, when i jokingly asked wheres mine she replied **** off youve has enough shit from me, everything ive done for you, it just seems since she now realises i dont like her in that way im just whatever to her.
But its driving me crazy and i mean crazy, she got with some guy and its all i could think about, some guy treating her like a pieace of meat, im going insane and i dont know why im just crazy jelous and it hurts deep, we were peas in a pod now im just some guy she knows.

I know this is my fault but i mean damn i married my best mate when i was drunk, she knows what im like when i drink, dont get me wrong im a complete ass hole for saying that to her then getting off with another girl, but she knows how i get when im drinking.

I just cant work out if i do actually like her or not, becuase we are perfect together and ahhh i dont know.

Just while in a sense we are perfect together, im a very athletic guy I do alot of wakeboarding and surfing and thats the sort of girls i date where as shes more of the plastic dont get my hair wet sort in a sense were total opposites my perfect date is a midnight surf hers is watching the OC.

I really dont know whats up with me im crazy jelous and i need her but shit im just at lost end.

Sorry for the boring rant guys, just normally i can handle my shit but this has got me flustered.

Can only think of two solutions think **** it and dive in with her but ive always been the sort of guy to give 100% in relationships so it may be a bad idea to jump in with one I cant and the other solution stay crazy till i get over it.

Peace out Freshly x

Well, it sounds like you already know your options.

"Don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got till it's gone"