How to get him realize I'm the one for him and that he needs to get over his ex??

So here's my story... At the time I started dating a guy...I didn't know about his ex. After 3 weeks when we started, I went abroad for 5 months. We talked every day, he even talked about kids and marriage and living together and everything. But when I came back, it was like he was scared. He tried to break up with me for whatever reason. Later he told me about his ex...that he's still scared of being in a relationship, because his ex cheated on him and then went with the other guy. It's now 3 and a half years since they broke up.
Now we're not a couple with that guy, but sometimes we still get together... what kills me is that when we are together, it's wonderfull, but when we're not together, he doesn't call, sometimes doesn't even take a call when I call him. The last time we get together, he told me that he still feels something for his ex...and also for me.
I told him many times that I want to be with him and that I love him....but he doesn't want to give it a try again, he says that now he can't give me what I deserve. He also said that he got used to me and that he doesn't want to go with some girl all from the start. Then I said: so you will be with me... And he said: i don't know, we'll see.
He asked me if I'm over all of my ex's...I said yes and that well I'm not over him...he said he's not my ex. You know, but we're also not a couple...and he doesn't call me or something...and it kills me that it's so nice when we're together, but when we're not, it's nothing, we don't talk, nothing :(

How do I make him realize that he needs to give it a try and try to forget her???
How do I achieve that also he will contact me sometime, call me, send message, whatever...???

If you were really the girl for him, you wouldn't have to convince him of it, would you?

Agreed with vash. You gotta let this one go. Break-ups are an ego blow to the dumpee, and I know you're wondering what it is about this ex of his that you don't have. It could simply be that he has a lot of history with her. The fact that you were only physically together for about 3 weeks gave this relationship a weak foundation from the start. During your 5-month period apart he had a lot of time to miss being with someone and apparently his mind is still on his ex. Sucks that he's so hung up on this chick, but better that he was upfront about it instead of stringing you along.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you were really the girl for him, you wouldn't have to convince him of it, would you?

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Right on the dot Vashti. BOOM.

There is nothing you can do to make him realize and only he knows if YOU are the one for HIM. Please don't take offense to this, it doesn't take away from who you are and what you can provide. You may have a wonderful time together and it's clear you care about him, but if he has some things to sort out he should do so on his own and not keep you strung along his emotional journey. All this flip flopping and waffling on his part has got to be hard for you but this is just evidence that it's not a good time for him. None of us want to do this and go through this alone, but it's very selfish to keep you along when he can't give you his 100 percent. Don't you deserve that?

Nothing worse than someone trying to convince you of something. Whether it be that salesman selling double glazing, or a man that tells you over and over that he aint like the rest.
Makes me cringe to feel that I'm having something forced upon me.....

I don't need to be convinced of anything.......if I want it, I will have it/go for it and because it's MY CHOICE to do so.

Wouldn't you rather he was with you and of his own free will and because he wants to be.....rather than be with you because you had to convince him and practically force him??