I was saved once before I letted him in again

Printable View

04-04-10, 07:08 PM
sthforreal

I was saved once before I letted him in again

I posted a few threads last year around this time, at that time I just found out my boyfriend of over 3 years cheated on me with multiple girls. I did recover after that horrible heartbreak. But then he came back to my life last March, he used some fake account and commented on my blog and asked about what I was going through. I didnt suspect a thing at first so we started talking for days. But somehow I knew it was him (OR I so wish it was really him). He started persuading me to talk to my ex (himself) again and said he felt like my ex (himself) was not a bad person he was just confused. I got weak and I gave him my new cell number (I changed my number to get away from him after we broke up), he called and cried, and begged me to take him back and said he couldn't live without me. I said no at the first few times but then I started to fall for him again.

Last December, I just found out he was seeing someone at his college around the period we just got back together (in May). He said he ended it months ago (in August).

Until now (today), he promised to be come home on time but he didn't for 2 nights. I got upset and he went he needed time to be on his own and to grow up. I didn't know what to say. He was just fine yesterday! We were even watching movie together. WHAT THE HELL? To gain my trust back, he shutted down his facebook and AIM and everything else that ever had linked to those people he cheated with, I thought if he could do this much for me, he must have changed or at least he wanted to change. I gave him ANOTHER CHANCE (I lost count of how many times I've forgiven him).

And today he told me he had to be on his own and SWEAR he isn't cheating on me this time, just becoz I got upset at him that he was home late, he didnt even call me when he got my angry emails, he got on facebook to comfort his friend though, he claimed one of his friend was going to kill himself. (Is it a lie...)

I seem ok on the outside but I feel like I'm already dead on the inside. I know I deserve this. I shouldn't have taken him back. Please tell me what I can do. He said he would talk more with me when he wakes up. I'm so lost and confused and hurt right now. Can anyone help?
04-04-10, 08:30 PM
mrman256

Relationships shouldn't feel that hard. Your situation seems more complicated than it really has to be. This guy sounds a bit manipulative to be honest.
04-04-10, 08:34 PM
sthforreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrman256 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Relationships shouldn't feel that hard. Your situation seems more complicated than it really has to be. This guy sounds a bit manipulative to be honest.

I hate to admit it. I feel like I've lost the courage that I had to leave him last year. What should I do?
04-04-10, 11:33 PM
cmacattack1

It's difficult to fully heal after those kind of situations and you now know from personal experience that it will never be the same again. Really think about what happened. You haven't heard from him in years, he makes a fake account telling you to talk to him again, you do, and he then proceeds to cry and beg his way back into your life and to give him another chance? I wouldn't say I'm a relationship expert but when you guys first began dating and you had that fantastic honeymoon period, was any of it from apologizing, crying, and begging? I'm just curious to see what you fell for again if that is how he was acting? I'm a very emotional and sensitive person but did you really fall for him again, or did you feel bad and still had the feeling of hurt from the relationship in the past?

It just goes to show that he doesn't really need you back because he thinks there is a future with you, he is doing this purely for his own self interest. He felt like he lost you and he now has you back and it's a complete 180. That's not love, that's feeding his own ego and trying to have a cushion while he is inbetween girls. I know you still care for him and you feel like you don't have the courage but you have to cut him out of you life. You said it yourself: you are dead on the inside. And you don't trust him as you already got angry for him coming home late. It's just a messy situation and helps the argument that starting over with somebody new is so much better and healthier than trying to reignite old failures because he said he "changed".

That's the funny thing about changing, if he really did change it would be completely noticeable to you because you've known him intimately for the time you dated him and especially after not talking for a few years, you certainly should be able to pick up on that. Not coming to you saying "I changed, I changed, I did this, this and this." What are you really proving there, other than the fact that you are still the same shitty person? Just my take on the matter.
04-04-10, 11:53 PM
vashti

This reminds me of my first boyfriend who was also a lying, cheating, drunken, manipulative bastard. I was very tied into the role of "victim" until some old lady told me "first time, shame on him; second time, shame on YOU".

Take some responsibility for your emotional well-being, and stop putting yourself in a position to get hurt.
05-04-10, 12:36 AM
sthforreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's difficult to fully heal after those kind of situations and you now know from personal experience that it will never be the same again. Really think about what happened. You haven't heard from him in years, he makes a fake account telling you to talk to him again, you do, and he then proceeds to cry and beg his way back into your life and to give him another chance? I wouldn't say I'm a relationship expert but when you guys first began dating and you had that fantastic honeymoon period, was any of it from apologizing, crying, and begging? I'm just curious to see what you fell for again if that is how he was acting? I'm a very emotional and sensitive person but did you really fall for him again, or did you feel bad and still had the feeling of hurt from the relationship in the past?

It just goes to show that he doesn't really need you back because he thinks there is a future with you, he is doing this purely for his own self interest. He felt like he lost you and he now has you back and it's a complete 180. That's not love, that's feeding his own ego and trying to have a cushion while he is inbetween girls. I know you still care for him and you feel like you don't have the courage but you have to cut him out of you life. You said it yourself: you are dead on the inside. And you don't trust him as you already got angry for him coming home late. It's just a messy situation and helps the argument that starting over with somebody new is so much better and healthier than trying to reignite old failures because he said he "changed".

That's the funny thing about changing, if he really did change it would be completely noticeable to you because you've known him intimately for the time you dated him and especially after not talking for a few years, you certainly should be able to pick up on that. Not coming to you saying "I changed, I changed, I did this, this and this." What are you really proving there, other than the fact that you are still the same shitty person? Just my take on the matter.

And I just got him to admit that he liked someone else. He said he saw it coming that he might want to be with that girl but he isnt sure. Thats why he has to make me go away so that it wont make him a cheater.

Last year when he begged me to take him back he said he tried to kill himself and he even went to the doctor for his problems, I got weak and felt so sorry for him. I took him back and on the outside it seems he had been doing his best to keep me happy. And always promised and ensured me that he hadnt talked to other girls at all and had "changed". I took his word. And today he just hurt me again. He just kept saying that hes a failure. And now hes like "i might not end up being with her, who knows?" i mean what??

I threw away his stuff just today. I feel ok now but I know when I wake up tmr morning, Im going to feel like shit again..
05-04-10, 12:37 AM
sthforreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This reminds me of my first boyfriend who was also a lying, cheating, drunken, manipulative bastard. I was very tied into the role of "victim" until some old lady told me "first time, shame on him; second time, shame on YOU".

Take some responsibility for your emotional well-being, and stop putting yourself in a position to get hurt.

its my 4th time actually....i dun understand why i would let him do this to me.....