how do i stop becoming infatuated with guys i dont even know that well?

I have a major problem with infatuation and i really need some advice on how to stop this pattern ive gotten myself into since i was 16 (im 20 now), because it leads to heart break after heart break. whenever i start liking a guy, its like he is all i think about and i dont get over him until i meet a new guy and become infatuated with him. none of these guys have even come close to being my boyfriend, i havent even been on a date with any guy ive ever really liked, usually we just hang out at local clubs.

the last two guys have been the biggest crushes of my life.. to the point where i felt like i was in love with them which i know is crazy because i dont even know them that well. one of them lasted about 4 months until he broke my heart and i moved onto the other one which has lasted 8 and a half months. im over the first one because i practically hate the guy he is an asshole who was laughing at me and making fun of me behind my back with all his friends the entire time, because they sensed i had a crush on him from the start somehow then turned my every move into me liking him by the sounds of it and i was just a huge joke and still am to them. im still completely crushed out on the recent guy though and cant stop thinking about him, and found out he has a gf last night who his been with for nearly 2 months officially.. n a while before then unofficially.. so probably the entire time ive been into him he has been seeing her. he is a bit of a player so i know it wouldve taken him a lot to actually get into a relationship.. n alot of his actions since the beginning make a lot of sense now and im convinced he has been seeing her for at least 6 months. so now i am completely heart broken again and have been crying since i found out basically because i thought he was into me too, i thought we were ment to be, just like i thought with the guy before him. the only difference is that there is evidence the second guy was into me at least sexually, i knew him more and theres more evidence to show that he liked me too than the first one. we were always flirting and making each other laugh whenever we saw each other, kissed a couple of times n he tried to sleep with me the first time i met him. i didnt think we were ment to be at first though.. it took a bit of time after we got to know each other more. but the first guy was love at first sight though i thought we were ment to be from the beginning. the second one i still think we r ment to be because we got along great and have this connection. i have never been more intensely sexually attracted to any other guy in my entire life in comparison to these 2 guys, it is overwhelming being in the same room as them. when they look at me i just feel like they have this look in their eyes that says 'i really do love u and am crazy about u'.. but it must all be in my head i just thought this feeling was mutual. isnt chemistry supposed to be mutual? i dont understand how i felt it so hard but they obviously didnt. the eye contact is just indescribable and i still cant believe either of them didnt really want me.. i just felt and still feel such an intense and powerful connection between us that id never encounted before.

I feel like both guys have sensed a desperation in me and that im infatuated with them, and i have scared them away unintentionally by trying to get them to like me. I cant handle this anymore and i dont want to ever go through this again because im really depressed over it. I want to be loved by someone who i love and i want to break this pattern of infatuation so i can have a relationship. Has anybody else been through this before and know how to cure this? i feel like its a drug im addicted to the feeling of infatuation, and until i beat this im never going to be happy or discover true love. please help!!

Sounds like you are in lurve....with lurve...lol

Maybe you should stop focusing on guys so much, get yourself some hobbies and interests and absorb yourself in those. Do you work?

No offence, but you kinda come across like the only thing on your mind is snaring a fella and as quickly as possible. And YES, with that mindset you will scare a lot off. Guys of your age aren't usually looking to settle down or committ and they can sense females who are. They don't stick around if they sense you want more, than they are prepared to give. Just bcause you are feeling a strong connection, doesn't mean he is....

Quit looking at every guy and thinking he is the One or potentially could be the One. Get to know the guy, chill, have fun, show him what a great person you are and just let things progress naturally with him, rather than try to rush things and be thinking 'oh this is the One' and 'we are meant to be'.......

I dont look at every guy and think he is the one, trust me, i meet sooo many guys and it is very rare for me to like them. i have dated a couple of guys over the years who i just havent been interested in and didnt think about them that much. theres a lot of guys i have kissed and text messaged but i havent wanted it to go further. every guy i have slept with, though theres not many, i havent liked for more than that and dont care about them or feel an attachment to them at all. i have liked about 6 guys, not all that much though that i felt like they were 'the one', it is just these two boys who i will never forget or get over completely. ive never felt like im ment to be with a guy until these two.

and i do busy myself with friends, going to events and concerts, i go to the gym and am starting up tennis again, i go to university. i dont work right now, been looking for a part time job. but even when i had one it didnt really take my focus off boys, it is like nothing does. whenever i am busying myself in hobbies and trying to distract myself in my studies or having fun.. they r still on my mind. i dont want to be like this and i know it is weird.. i am not a weirdo i think i just desperately want to love someone and be loved back because ive never experienced that before. if i had, then maybe i wouldnt care so much. but i do have a life.. but they still consume my mind and nothing else really interests me that much. And when most of my friends have boyfriends, it is very hard to not think about wanting one too.

Do u think that guys will sense this though? Because i do not want to settle down and i dont even care that much about being in an exclusive relationship right now, i just want these guys in my life to hang out with.. well and to do a bit more than that lol. but i guess if they sensed i wanted something with them n they did not want anything or maybe a one night stand at the most, they wont stick around. its just very hard to believe they dont want more than that and dont like me when i always catch them staring at me and i feel like i can see it in their eyes that they want me. but maybe i am just extremely disconnected with the opposite sex that i have no idea, but if thats true i feel like i have no hope at all.

i am sorry but you named yourself cheeky and sexy, what else do you expect?

im sorry that i wasnt going to sit around thinking of a good nickname for hours. i dont get y people keep bringing up my username i didnt think people would even take notice of these things, if i knew that i wouldve chosen differently.

I've done this before too build someone up to who you want them to be. It only leads to disappoinment though, every time. Just remember how let down you feel when you put all your eggs in one basket. Keep in mind that not every guy is who you build them up to be and thats ok in some aspects just don't set yourself up for disappoinment any more going forward.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cheeky&sexy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I dont look at every guy and think he is the one, trust me, i meet sooo many guys and it is very rare for me to like them. i have dated a couple of guys over the years who i just havent been interested in and didnt think about them that much. theres a lot of guys i have kissed and text messaged but i havent wanted it to go further. every guy i have slept with, though theres not many, i havent liked for more than that and dont care about them or feel an attachment to them at all. i have liked about 6 guys, not all that much though that i felt like they were 'the one', it is just these two boys who i will never forget or get over completely. ive never felt like im ment to be with a guy until these two.

and i do busy myself with friends, going to events and concerts, i go to the gym and am starting up tennis again, i go to university. i dont work right now, been looking for a part time job. but even when i had one it didnt really take my focus off boys, it is like nothing does. whenever i am busying myself in hobbies and trying to distract myself in my studies or having fun.. they r still on my mind. i dont want to be like this and i know it is weird.. i am not a weirdo i think i just desperately want to love someone and be loved back because ive never experienced that before. if i had, then maybe i wouldnt care so much. but i do have a life.. but they still consume my mind and nothing else really interests me that much. And when most of my friends have boyfriends, it is very hard to not think about wanting one too.

Do u think that guys will sense this though? Because i do not want to settle down and i dont even care that much about being in an exclusive relationship right now, i just want these guys in my life to hang out with.. well and to do a bit more than that lol. but i guess if they sensed i wanted something with them n they did not want anything or maybe a one night stand at the most, they wont stick around. its just very hard to believe they dont want more than that and dont like me when i always catch them staring at me and i feel like i can see it in their eyes that they want me. but maybe i am just extremely disconnected with the opposite sex that i have no idea, but if thats true i feel like i have no hope at all.

---

Why don't you buy a puppy to lurve....even a hamster or something fluffy and cute :)

Seriously, of course males sense when a woman is wanting to get too close for their comfort level. Why do you think they run?? lol......

I dunno what else to siggest. You almost seem to be obsessed with men and nobody can help you quit this obsession/ infatuations but yourself.

And why do you wish to follow the crowd? Just because your friends have a boyfriend, doesn't mean you have to grab yourself one too.

It will happen for you and when it's meant too.....meanwhile there is a life outside of having a man in it.

well i have 2 small dogs who i adore and 2 cats lol, doesnt do the trick. but when i like these guys, i dont fully come onto them. one of them was going to be more of a friends with benefits situation and he was all for it at first but he was seeing another girl i guess, and i think he thought i just wanted sex, which was true in the beginning. the other guy i didnt even make the effort to talk to that much cos often i was too nervous around him to go near him, and when i did it was very casual and i was only trying to be friends with him cos he was the only person in class who had spoken to me, i didnt know anyone else n he'd sat next to me and started a conversation with me the first day. but obviously both could sense i wanted more than they did from the beginning, i just cant understand how like i thought i was much cooler than that lol apparantly not.

you're right that only i can quit these obsessions i just wish i could know y i am so obsessed. I am aware theres a life outside of having a man.. im just not interested in it as much as i try. but i am trying to be all content being alone i am just not happy and i hate waiting for the one thing i want more than anything.

I dont want a guy to follow the crowd, i just feel lonely and unloved after hearing about their boyfriends all the time. if they were all single i probably would be much more ok with being single though.. its annoying hanging out with friends who do nothing but remind me of how alone i am.

I have just been guy deprived for most of my life i think..ive never had a real boyfriend, or a guy i like be really into me back, i went to an all girls school in yr 11 and 12 and i dont have any close guy friends and havent since the 11th grade. ive never had problems with making/keeping friends, i have a lot of friends, it is just the guy aspect of my life im deprived of so when i like a guy i just put all of my hopes on him and it gets out of control.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by QueenofCorona [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've done this before too build someone up to who you want them to be. It only leads to disappoinment though, every time. Just remember how let down you feel when you put all your eggs in one basket. Keep in mind that not every guy is who you build them up to be and thats ok in some aspects just don't set yourself up for disappoinment any more going forward.

---

im hoping that maybe i have been hurt enough now by the last 2 guys that my emotions will just slow down to a normal pace next time i like someone. u r right these guys r not as good as i build them up to be, i think the problem is i dont get to know them well enough to see that and wake up to reality.

It's difficult not to get excited when someone starts paying you "special" attention. We all get giddy and walk with a spring in our step. It's very important to exercise your mind in this regard though. Personally, I love the thrill of catching a guy's eye too, BUT if it's a person I want sticking around I will force myself to play it cool. It takes practice, but you'll intrigue more guys by remaining a bit mysterious and aloof.

My current boyfriend had a girlfriend at the time that I met him. Though I found him devastatingly handsome, I played it cool despite the 5 million butterflies in my stomach. As we got to know each other, he began to confide in me that he and his girlfriend were in a really rocky spot after only a month of dating and he was thinking of breaking it off with her. We met up one night after I got off work and chatted all night in a cafe while I listened to him vent about said girlfriend, and I even offered him advice on how to deal with their issues. I was interested in seeing how things would progress between us, but I kept my distance out of respect for him and his girlfriend. I knew if he wanted something more with me that he'd come find me. And he did.

So part of it is a game of trust. You have to trust that you are worth a guy's time and effort. Make him work for it. The stuff we sweat and work hard for are the things we really treasure in the long run. Had I just laid it on the line with my guy he'd have probably freaked and bolted. The beginning to should feel light and breezy. You'll get the hang of just letting things flow with practice. You've gotta be honest with yourself and really take the time to look at how you behave around these men. Have your friends be brutally honest with you even.

I really do try my best to play it cool, but its still like i have a sign on my head that reads "i love u!" or something. The guy im into now has a girlfriend, and like u im just going to give him distance and hope that he will find me later if he wants me. The worst thing to do is to try break them up and try make him cheat on her, i want to be able to trust the guy i will be with not turn him into a bad person. I guess i just have to trust my instincts more rather than getting so unsure of myself n feeling like i have to prove myself to these guys to get them to like me. I just dont trust that i am worth the guys time and effort, so i panic and think omg ive got his attention but im probably going to bore him, what can i do?! and then while im trying desperately to keep their interest, theyre backing away cos they can sense this and it freaks them out.

I think you need to work on loving yourself, Cheeky. You're not being judicious enough with the guys you're latching onto. This guy who was making fun of you behind your back is not the kind of guy you want to end up with. You need to set some standards for yourself.

Trust me, no amount of love from an guy is going to make you feel loved if you don't ultimately don't love yourself.

I definitely understand where you coming from. it has definitely happened to me before. it's hard not to get infatuated with someone you like, especially when the guy is flirting with you and giving you mixed signals. However, i have learned that it's just guy's nature to be like that. They can have sex with a girl and go on about their days like nothing happen but, for us having sex with someone we realy like is different. Even if it's not sex, we get emotionally attachd with someone we really like.

what i've been trying to do is to keep myself busy and not think about guys too much. it's hard for me cause i work in a gym so i have guys flirting with me all the ime but, i try not to pay much attntion to that. And whenever i like a guy i just try to play it cool and not to think much about it. If a guy really wants you, he will look for you. ;)

^yeah well the first guy was giving me mixed signals.. the second one didnt he made sure i was well aware he was into me but it was probably just him wanting to sleep with me and nothing more. I kept hoping the more time we spent together and the more i showed him my personality that it would be more than that.. cos at the start it was just about sex for me too but then i grew to liked him and thought that it was mutual.. but then he got a gf so i guess not. Weirdly enough, every guy i actually have had sex with i hardly think about and feel no attachment to them whatsoever. Every time afterwards i always think.. well that was a fun night.. but i dont like them for more than sex. lol it must be hard for u to keep ur mind off guys working at a gym. i keep myself busy most of the time, or at least try to, it helps a little bit but i still feel like a hopeless case who is always going to have guys on my mind no matter what im doing, theyre a major distraction and i find it hard to sleep cos i cant shut my brain off. But yeah i need to just trust more than if its ment to be itll happen, n that should make it easier to keep my cool. its just hard to trust that cos with guys i tend to have the worst luck when i rely on fate, so i feel like i cant rely on that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you need to work on loving yourself, Cheeky. You're not being judicious enough with the guys you're latching onto. This guy who was making fun of you behind your back is not the kind of guy you want to end up with. You need to set some standards for yourself.

Trust me, no amount of love from an guy is going to make you feel loved if you don't ultimately don't love yourself.

---

well i didnt find out he was doing it until the end, then i stopped talking to him and i dont like him anymore. i just still secretly feel the connection between us even though i cant stand him. I dont want to end up with him anymore, i have just always and still do have this feeling that we r ment to be whether i like it or not. Still to this day, like 9 months later or more i still catch him staring at me all the time when i see him out at clubs. And i definately havent latched onto any of these guys, im not clingy in the slightest and have given them plenty of freedom and space. Ive only latched onto them in my mind i guess, when i would see them i was pretty distant most of the time. The second guy was the one always coming over to me not the other way around. That guy probably doesnt even think i care about him or that i wanted more than sex n that he was just one of many guys, i think he'd be shocked to find out im heartbroken over him getting a gf. but i could be wrong since the first guy seemed to think i was in love with him even though i didnt do much at all to show i even liked him. i do have standards, i meet at least one new guy like every time i go out every weekend and these r the only two ive really been into. im extremely fussy and set high standards for myself..these guys r wanted by many girls which i guess is half the problem. But i do think u r right when u say i need to love myself more, but that is the hardest part.

Oh my goodness you have just described me. I am a little older than you so this has happened to me 3 times. I have been in love , real love once so I know the difference. I am so infatuated by this woman I am sleeping with. I don't understand why and how I caught feelings for her. It started out as sex that was the agreement, she made it clear from day one all she wanted was sex and if the sex was good she would come back. Needless to say it was good and she came back several times for the past 3 months now around 3 times a week. So we do see a bit of each other. The thing is she says one thing and does other. She is much older and much more successful. So when we do go out she always pays. She has taking me for a weekend to the keys and paid for everything. Has even bought me jewelry a watch and bracelet. What is the problem you might ask? Most of my friends don't understand. I have a hot older successful sugar mama taking me places and buying me nice things. The thing is I want more , I have more feelings for her than she does. I crave her, I need her. If it were up to me I would see her everyday but she doesn't want that. She only wants to get together once or twice a week. I understand she has her own business and works longs hours so I give her space. And don't bother her too much. The thing is she has broken it off twice already and has left me devasted when she did. I couldn't eat , couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on anything Cried all the time. . Right now things are fine , we spent a lovely time at her house the other night , no arguments no fighting, just a good time and love making. We awoke in each others arms and kissed each other good bye. The thing is I am so afraid she is going to call it off someday. Now I know this isn't meant to be, she is much older and does not want anymore kids and one day want kids since I don;t have any. I fear her leaving me so much I panic all the time, have anxiety, my heart beats so fast, have chest pains, get overly excited, and can't stop thinking about her. Even though things are going so good right now she even ask to spend thanksgiving with me but I can't help to worry so much. I know it has been a while since you post this and wanted to know how are you dealing with it now? Are you over it? And if so what steps did you take to get over it. Please give me some advice before I have a panic attack.

Value yourself, if you don´t guys will never do it for you. Plus, if you don´t give yourself more self love you´ll always attract a loser.