I know the common line of, I need my space, leave me alone, dont talk to me, I want o be alone blah blah blah. But is it possible to give someone too much space?
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I know the common line of, I need my space, leave me alone, dont talk to me, I want o be alone blah blah blah. But is it possible to give someone too much space?
I think that giving someone 'too much' space, would come across as not really caring about the relationship. I think its quite a fine line actually, the way I see it as if the gf wants to go out with some of her m8s or is doing something else other than seeing me, I think of it as 'great, I get to have some time for myself or me and my friends, and next time I see the gf, she can fill me in on what a great time she had'. Thats a bit off topic sorry lol, but I think 'too much' space, would feel like the person was not caring about the relationship. Just what I think, any other opinions?
No such thing as giving someone to much space and especially if they are the one who asked for it. Give them all the space they wanted and more besides.
Asking for space IMO, is the gentle way of ending things. ...and asking for space normally preludes a breakup.
I agree with the above. 99.9% of the time asking for space is a precursor to a break-up. If they want space, they probably just don't want to be around you, so give them all the space in the world. Then never call them again.
That happened to me with a girl I was seeing (many decades ago). The first time, I gave her the space she wanted. Three weeks later, she called me, and wanted to get back together. A few months after that, I learned through a mutual friend that she had been trying someone else on for size during her "space walk," but he wasn't what she wanted. A month or so later, she felt it was "space" time again, and I said that I understood. Thing is, I understood too well. Five or six weeks later, guess who called? And guess who was shocked that I had found someone else? In a good relationship, you shouldn't have to ask for space. Although you are a couple, you should each still pursue your own interests, but not pursue other people. I agree with bluesummer. If she wants space, give her all she wants. Just let her know that there is no guarantee that you'll be there when she gets back.
I tend to need space when I am upset. I like to isolate myself. That's how I deal with anger. I don't understand how it's a precursor to breakup.
Automatic precursor to a breakup? That's like tearing off an arm to remove a splinter. I need my space because I get frustrated and irritable when I'm around anyone 24/7. Everybody has annoying and irritating behavior. Most of it only your subconscious is aware of because we have a certain amount of innate respect for everybody because they're human and our judgements would seem vicious and unfair. We also have innate tolerance and patience we don't even notice, we just notice that we become more irritable as it wears down. We don't know why we're upset with the person and won't admit it to ourselves because the judgement it's based on is unfair so in our effort to be rational creatures we deny how we feel and blame it on general stress. If we're lucky enough to know the cause of our discomfort we can't express it because we'll be hurting feelings so we contain it and tough it out. A little space would do people good. The jaded feel it's an excuse to get out. I suspect the jaded are the majority.
I agree that it doesn't necessarily have to be a precursor to a breakup, however; it happens that way in a lot of cases. However, it doesn't have to be the "I need space" talk, but you can simply ask for some personal time to get some things handled, or spend time with friends without being bothered. I've learned to read the signs. I'm one who can socialize all the time and loves to be around people. I get kind of lonely and bored when I'm by myself for a long time. My best friend however needs her space. Every once in a great while she'll become rather antisocial and that's my cue to let her hibernate and recharge her batteries. My boyfriend is the same way. He loves me and is devoted to me, but sometimes he just needs the physical space to relax his brain. This is good because it gives me time to hang out with my friends and take care of my own business. If he began asking for more space, I might be concerned and I'd want to talk about it.
Everyone needs space and alone time now and again.Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Difference is, is that if we need space to deal with anger or whatever, we usually spring back within a few hours/a day or so.
When someone asks for space in a relationship, it is normally because they are not sure of the relationship, they don't generally give a time limit as to how long they will be gone and can be gone weeks, without any hint of when they might return or are returning.
Bigger the fool that wants to wait around for an undecisive person.
I again agree with the above post.
When somebody asks you for space ina relationship, it more or less means "leave me alone". I need space too when I'm angry or frustrated, but it's temporary. I say "I'm having a shitty time with something and I'm just going to go take a walk so I can be alone." I've attached a definite time period and a reason for needing my space.
How often does someone say in a relationship "I need my space, but I'll call you tomorrow." No. It's usually followed up with the request not to be called or not to come by and see them. Usually no time period attached.
I'm not jaded, it's common sense. There are the few weirdos out there that asked to be left alone for indeterminate amounts of time and still want to 'be with you'. I call that flaky and incommunicative.
The issue of space is a sore one. I thought that being a couple means exactly being a couple. What does it prove. Yes you go away from each other, what about the trust factor when am emergency happens or a problem comes up are we going to ask for space or solve it together, but do give them all the space they need but with once condition I may not be here when you get back from your space trip.
It makes it easier to break up.Quote:
Originally Posted by StaceyConners [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But it also depends on the context. "I need space" in response to someone annoying you 24/7 is different to "I need space" due to the person wanting to end the relationship.
I think the "I need space" in response to a 24/7 annoyance should be a bigger conversation. Enough to say, "Hey, I really don't like feeling like we're attached at the hip. I need a little more freedom and independence than you're giving me." Simply saying "I need space" is a flat, unsympathetic statement and would signal to me the imminent end of the relationship. Unless the person is very socially clueless and has poor articulation skills. That can be the case for a lot of people.
It's about finding a mutually beneficial balance. There are some couples that can stomach that closeness for days or weeks on end. Other couples need solo time to do their own things. My guy and I love each other, but we sometimes have different ideas about how to spend our time. I like to go out and be social while he tends to like to relax indoors. Nothing wrong with either outlook. However, if I find that I've spent too long inside, I start to go stir-crazy and I need to go out and be with friends. It isn't really a reflection of being too close to my boyfriend, but my desire to satisfy my own personal curiosity about life. My friends and I like to go on mini-adventures and have ridiculous fun at concerts and bars. This isn't always my boyfriend's cup of tea. I love to go out and explore the world, but I'll always come home to him. He and I respect each others' individual natures.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ace12 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]