Is this okay? Not okay? Kind of okay?
I wrote before asking about how I can persuade my husband to be intimate with me more often. I stated then that he did view pornography. We have had sex once in the past month. Two days ago I was laying on the bed working on a project with him (his project) and he was also sitting on the bed. I thought he was working on the project as well (we were on our laptops). At one point I felt the bed shaking a tiny bit and I looked over and could swear he was masturbating under the covers. I asked him if he was, he said no. Later, when he went to the restroom, I looked at his computer. He had looked at at least 140 sites, mostly escort sites, dating sites, Craigslist personal ads (women seeking men), and matrimonial sites (women seeking marriage). Not all the ads were sexual, in fact most of the dating/personal ads were for women looking for long-term-relationships. All of the escort sites and sexual ads were for African American women. I have no problem with this, except I am not African American, so if that is what arouses him, we have no hope. But my point is I am very open minded and don't mind that he looks at pornography, but it hurts me when he looks at escort sites, dating sites, personal ads, and matrimonials. He says it is just a hobby, just for fun, and as long as he has no intent of contacting these women, I should not be upset by it. But it does hurt me. These are not some fantasy women in a movie or magazine - these are real women looking for real men for sex, relationships, and marriage. These ads have contact information for the women in them. It DOES hurt me. Also, it's not just that - we have no sex life, no matter what I do or don't do. He swears he'll never cheat on me and that's all that matters. I say his looking at these ads is pretty close to going to a singles bar, "but just to look". If you're a married man, why look at these sites? And I've asked him, are these sites more important to you than your marriage, than your wife? So important that you have to view them even when you know it hurts her? He says no, but he gets visibly stressed and upset and cannot promise to stop. Again, if he wants to view pornography, no big deal. But these sites are a big deal to me. What do you think? Anyone dealing with the same thing? Any advice?