should i go for it or not?

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26-04-10, 05:44 PM
oxxi

should i go for it or not?

hello guys, i m a new member from a far away country, Turkey.
i have a question to ask you guys, which really bothers me a lot in the last couple of days.
let me briefly tell you my dilemma.
i met this girl online, we met, liked eachother, had a one night stand, and then another, and then another, and then last weekend she basically lived at my house, we rarely went outside the house, watched dvd's, and all the other romantic stuff.

before that weekend, she was basically just a girl for me. by that, i mean i would never get jealous of her or i wouldnt think about her often. but after that weekend, things have changed and i cant stop thinking about her.
she is basically a female version of myself. all our likes and dislikes are similar and etc.. etc..

MY PROBLEM IS:

i m living in a conservative country.
okay, i dont care about other people, and what they say. and i think i m not really a narrow minded person.
at least thats what i thought before i met her.
well...
she kinds of acts like a male, which means, just like how we guys go out to bars to get hooked up with chicks, she basically does the same, and a lot!
she had a very active sex life before she met me.
which includes, group sex.
her sexual history is far more than mine, and even though that is not a problem, the group sex thing bothers me.
she thinks we are still living in a hippy world, she doesnt believe in commitments and said to me "if one person desires to have sex with someone, and doesnt do it for a reason, that person lies to herself"
what she means by that is- she doesnt really believe in loyalty.
she kind of does believe in love, but very scared of it.

now we are in a position where she likes me so much and decided to go for a relationship.
because i said to her, if she and i was going to work out, she has to be honest and loyal to me.
her best trait is the fact that she is very honest, but her worst trait is that i dont know if i can trust her.
how can i know she wouldnt cheat on me?
look at her sexual history?
group sex?
i mean what is that?
how am i going to feel in the future if somebody comes up to me and says my girlfriend was engaged in a group sex with them.
how would i feel?
in 3 weeks i would have to work outside of the city and i wouldnt see her that often for all summer.
if she really acts on all her desires, what would stop her from cheating on me?

she does drugs too, and that really doesnt bother me. that is her lifestyle and i respect it.
but her past sexual activities that she was engaged scares me.
i never thought i could love someone who does group sex and stuff. why why why!!!

i dont know.
i m very confused.
:(
26-04-10, 09:19 PM
xxazurexx

Sounds like some really 'classy' lady you met.

From the way you describe her, I think any decent guy in their right mind would run and as far from her as possible.

It's like I always say. If you can't and don't trust someone, or you think you are gonna have a hard time trusting them....DON'T GET INVOLVED!
26-04-10, 09:56 PM
oxxi

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like some really 'classy' lady you met.

From the way you describe her, I think any decent guy in their right mind would run and as far from her as possible.

It's like I always say. If you can't and don't trust someone, or you think you are gonna have a hard time trusting them....DON'T GET INVOLVED!

i might have just focused on her negative traits when i described her.
she is amazingly smart, she reads insane amount of books, she is aware of pretty much anything.
you can talk to her about politics, philosophy or any cultural thing really.
this is actually my dilemma. she is very smart and our personalities actually are very similar.
BUT the fact that she doesnt seem to believe in boundaries / rules scares me.

i agree with you though. its going to be very hard trusting her. but then again, the funny fact is, she is very honest.
by that, she will actually tell me as soon as she cheats on me :) so if the worst happens and she wouldnt be loyal to me, then at least i would know about it .

i think i m really in a difficult spot.
26-04-10, 10:09 PM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Originally Posted by oxxi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i might have just focused on her negative traits when i described her.
she is amazingly smart, she reads insane amount of books, she is aware of pretty much anything.
you can talk to her about politics, philosophy or any cultural thing really.
this is actually my dilemma. she is very smart and our personalities actually are very similar.
BUT the fact that she doesnt seem to believe in boundaries / rules scares me.

i agree with you though. its going to be very hard trusting her. but then again, the funny fact is, she is very honest.
by that, she will actually tell me as soon as she cheats on me :) so if the worst happens and she wouldnt be loyal to me, then at least i would know about it .

i think i m really in a difficult spot.

At the end of the day it all boils down to 'trust'. And no matter how smart she may be, how intelligent she may be, how compatible the two of you are, etc...if you cannot trust someone, you have nothing, it's as simple as that.

I couldn't be with anyone, no matter who or what he was and if I didn't trust him. Trust is IMPORTANT to me.