Do I save my marriage?

Hello, I’m hoping to get some advice here. I will get straight to the point.

Me and my husband have been together 6 years, married for 4 of them. We also have a child together. Things were good for the first four or so years and we had a healthy sex life up until the birth of our child 3 years ago.
Since then things have been going downhill. He can’t stick at a job; he is always employed in a good job but changes them like I change my hair style. He says it’s because he wants to make things better for us and more comfortable, but we are doing fine as we are, we have a nice life.

Also, when our child was born, I had put on quite a bit of weight (which I have now lost and am back to pre baby weight and size) so this caused me to not want sex as I didn’t feel very confident or desirable. The thing is, when I started to put on the weight when I was pregnant (at least I had a sort of excuse!!) so did he. He has put on quite a lot and I have said to him he should try and lose it but it falls on deaf ears. He has no sex drive whatsoever which at the moment I am glad about as I just don’t find him attractive.

Everything he does irritates me, he doesn’t do anything around the house and when he does do something he doesn’t do it properly. He makes me feel guilty about spending my OWN money on things that I want to spend it on even though he is rubbish with money and I feel like I am looking after a baby as I have to monitor his spending every month when he gets paid to make sure he doesn’t gamble it all away (that is another story) then when I do he gets angry.

He gets angry quite a lot, he has, on occasion lashed out at me. He once stabbed me in the arm with a ball point pen, which broke the skin. He has also held me up against a wall with his hand around my neck. He hasn’t done anything physical in a long time and I do feel he won’t do it again (I know lots of women say that, but there have been plenty of chances for him to do something like that and he hasn’t in the last 6 months) but I can’t help resenting him for them things and other things he has done to hurt me both physically and emotionally in the past.

I’m not sure whether we have a future together or not. But I don’t feel any physical desire towards him and it is so frustrating now- we haven’t had sex in over 6 months and the last time we did it lasted about 5 minutes and I got nothing out of it.
I don’t know whether these issues can be worked at or not. I want to be 100% sure for mine and our Childs sake that there is no way of saving this marriage. But even after all this and decisions to be made, I don’t know whether it will even be financially possible to divorce.

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Originally Posted by solitario [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He once stabbed me in the arm with a ball point pen, which broke the skin. He has also held me up against a wall with his hand around my neck.

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At that point the marriage stopped being worth saving. Get the kid out of there before something worse happens.

The deciding factor for me, would be 'Do I still love this man enough to want to stay with him and work on things'?

If I did, I'd sit him down, talk to him, listen to what he had to say and go from there.
Over a period of say 6 months and if nothing changes, then I'd leave.

I was married, we have a child and I was stuck in something that I wasn't happy in. Not only that, but my ex husband was a cheater into the bargain.

Lifes too short to be stuck in shit.

If you are not happy, LEAVE!

Quite simple really.

I usually advocate in favor of keeping a marriage together when there is a child in the picture, but I am also extremely put off by the physical violence. I don't believe people like this change, so perhaps you've just been lucky?

He sounds like an all-around shit. Why are you with this guy?

I don't believe it was just the physical violence that has done it for you. That's the obvious stuff. There has to be emotional abuse too.

If what you are doing is not working, maybe taking the kid and goin on a little vacation away might do you both some good. For some, it takes losing what you have to realize things. Him coming home to an empty house for the "family that he wants to provide for" should hammer home pretty hard. Don't know if you even feel like it is worth saving at this point, but a little space to have you both clear your head couldn't hurt could it? One step at a time here.

I have been married previously and in the same situation. A man putting his hands on me is where my decision is made. I put up with it for over 6 years after the countless times he said he'd changed. It was 6 months to a year in between each episode, but I'd like to say save yourself the trouble and heartache and get the hell out! But, it's an opinion and no one else can make the choice except for you. I never believe anyone to this day that says they have changed unless they show me a significant change and sticks to it, earning them that trust that you and your child are in safe hands.

You have to ask yourself...what if the child was the one that was stabbed? What else would he try to stab you with? Emotional abuse such as what you received from the weight gain especially while pregnant is quite tricky. But, if he's in turn put on weight, who is he to judge you? And kudos to you fo the weight loss. I know it's tough....so easy to gain but so hard to lose.

I wish you the best of luck!