As some may know, my life has been totally shattered from my previous relationship as she had made a serious false allegation against me, which ended up at the crown court! thankfully, I got found not guilty almost immediately after the trial as everyone knew it was stupid and a false allegation but was the worst months of my life, and also having to deal with my father's passing also!
moving on.....
even though its very hard for me to interact with women these days, given the nature (all about looks, dont care about anyone but themselves, sleep around etc... etc...) i somehow (even though I was seriously grieving for the loss of what I thought was the love of my life, but over time it had faded but still hurts!) managed to meet this lady.
she seems very well educated, attractive, grounded and is a university lecturer. great. finally, someone with brains!
all has been absolutely great, we had alot in common and the way of doing things, thinking things and she felt alot better about herself than before, and very positive and that she REALLY likes me.
im the same with her too. we only just very recently met. I am a person that deals with emotions very well and knows how to control it regardless. I guess depression plays a part too.
anyway, cannot believe that such a women would be interested in me.
just like everyone, I have baggage - last relationship but I never talk about it, or life experiences in general.
just now, I have been TOTALLY put off and felt I was being talked down to that whatever I feel or say is wrong. In this instance, I have a habit normally, like most people, where they like ot say "ah but I have experience of this....." but wont actually explain what it is. The reason I dont is as follows:
1) past should remain in the past
2) you do not know what the other person would think about your experience. in my life, women have always told me to get lost. I always get "I am not the same" but turns out, they are.
3) you dont want to scare them away especially, ESPECIALLY, at the initial stages of a relationship.
4) I would rather be open more so later on in the relationship as you get to know one another, so you have more trust, more faith rather than blurting it all out in the beginning.
so now, I feel sooo let down and so stupid for even expressing how I felt about this person, which she really liked and enjoyed and wanted.
basically, its as if she has given me a good lecture/bollocking because I said or hinted that yes, I have experience (bad experience) and only say it for a reason but wont actually explain (just yet).
now, i have had to litrally listen for 15 minutes without even getting a word in and she said that it annoys her when people hint at something but wont explain it.she said in her own words "that if this is the way you are then you should stop it otherwise you really are f***d up" - wow, i never swear or anything or insult people but then why insult me? what have I done wrong?
I understand but surely you would rather gain more trust before blurting out the past? thats how a relationship should be developed....you be understanding, caring, kind and be there and support them and not just shout or lecture someone and say that they are wrong.
just now, she just said this by text:
"most people have been through some horrible stuff. I dont need you to tell me all about it. its up to you. im quite sure knowing a bit of dark stuff would not make me run away and the suggestion that it would hurts me and insults my integrity. thats why i responded by saying what I did. i hope you understand xx"
1) what about my respect? my cautiousness (is that a word?)? my integrity? my intelligence? my life experience?
2) how about my feelings? its all about her already!
3) you lectured me in saying that I should tell her all of it but then say in this text that she doesnt want me to tell her all about it if I dont want to - mixed messages here.
am I being stupid? of course I have to be cautious, just like anyone else for obvious reasons. im a very positive person which is another reason why she said she has taken to a liking for me..... but if I say the bad experience, that is negitive and she will just think "ah, baggage. right.... what a downer. depressor"
so trying to be professional and generally the better person I try to be, I just sit and listen and disagree with most she has to say and then ended the call after she had steamed out, saying that I have things I need to do an she should focus on what she is doing and that we will catch up later.
she then just rang (20 minutes after) asking if everything is ok..... and doesnt like leaving things on a sour note. but thats not my fault.....
I had to be the better person again and say "yes, its fine and focus on your interview you have....thats more important than anything".
I have never felt so great after my ordeal previously. was SO happy, never thought I would see this in me again because of my past and my ex.... and now.... this
:(
