Anatomy of an after breakup - when the head trying to solve a heart problem

Well, this is single viewed on a single situation, i want to post this just FYI for those who's is a after-breakup period to know what to expect.

Background: u broke up with him/her because they make u feel miserable. It was a long term period and after break up, u realize u have no friend at all to help u get better.

Phase 1: Torment
Intent emotion of missing him/her, the world is so much different missing 1 single person and you start thinking maybe u should get back with him/her. Coping with being single again after a long time is hard, i agree.

Depend on the ex, i would say they would be calling u or contacting u in this period of time, trying to get back together, promising to work it out. Thus, the torment increase day by day

Extremely dangerous and hazardous period.

Phase 2: Resolution
You'll try to use your logic and head to lessen the pain and burden your heart carry.

The easiest way and most popular way to do this is find friends to hang out with or do a "rebounce". The logic is, while u're spending time with somebody else, it keeps your mind occupied and u think about your broken relationship less. Other than that, any nice distraction would do.

Extremely important period. It would affect the time u need to recover and if you're going to recover from this break up at all.

Phase 3: Action
Now u r a man with a plan.

If u're a smart person, u wont jump into another relationship (aka doing rebounce), u'll try to find friends to go out with, completely isolate yourself from relationship. If u're a smarter person, u'll choose to hangout with a person you know "nothing" is going to happen cause let's face the fact that u would need to spend a lot of time with them.

Things got easier, u feel better after phase 3

Phase 4: Complication
And u think u're smart and things r going to recover nicely. U thought your logic and head are in control of the situation (refer back to phase 2).

However, u didnt realize u are in a very vulnerable stage emotionally. Even a tiny distraction would bend you to another direction. Thus every once in a blue moon, u find yourself falling in love with your distraction and of course he/she like you too. It's a classic mutual.

*PS: Of course it makes sense, nobody is going to spend time with u a lot if they dont like u. U felt too comfortable with them cause u assume nothing is going to happen. They KNOW and took advantage of it.

Phase 5: The second torment
Uh oh, remember phase 3 where u're really smart and only choose to hang out with ppl u know NOTHING is going to happen? Y is that so? Because the situation isnt favorable for you two love birds to be together. Thus the second torment: there're lots of things that make u two cant be together.

The reason may vary but most of the time it would be he/she is already in a relationship or he/she isnt a trusted kind of partner or physical distance (as in u guys dont live close to each other...).

In any situation, u're cornered because u like somebody u shouldnt like.

Phase 6: Panicking
U start looking at your current situation in a long term point of view and it doesnt work so u panicked. Then u starting thinking how to make things work, plan how to go with this smoothly.

Uh oh again, do i see u start making "plans"? When ppl making plans, most of the time, it's influenced by logic and governed by the head but this time, it's complete driven by your emotion. Even though u felt as if u're at a stage to do this, u arent. Even though this is phase 6, if u look back the time from phase 1 until here is only 1-3 months. In normal couple, it takes an average of 6 months -1 year to reach this stage.

So y do u do that? Because it's a mental reflex to protect something already being hurt. Remember if u your leg is hurting, u will be afraid of pushing your weight onto it because u afraid it would hurt again eventhough it doesnt hurt that much? May i remind u again that u had just gotten out of a long term relationship? U wouldnt do the same if given otherwise. U'll sit back and see how things go. That's how it normally goes.

Phase 7: Correct mistake
Seeing your mistake, things wont work out, u broke up again the new the person.

One would think it's would be hard, break up after break up but it actually isnt. It was torment before cause your mind is occupied by a single thought and now, it's occupied by 2 thoughts. All hurting but that's what u desire in the first place: distraction LOL.

U realize the best way would be balancing between friends and other things (notice from phase 1 to phase 6, already have more friends). U could carry on this plan from the beginning but u was weak back then, your mind is always occupied by the same thing. Now, time flies, the pain lessen, you have friends, and the last attempt in relationship isnt a long term relationship plus u have the mind set of it not working out in the first place and was expecting this too.