I can't stop thinking about my first love.... :/

Hey (:

I'm in quite a bit of a mess. I can't stop thinking about my first love/childhood sweetheart.
I can't get my head around it really.

We were together for pretty much all of our childhood. Then as we grew older, we grew apart. We never spoke in school and it even got to the point where we would just argue. But there always seemed to be something there whenever we argued or said something to each other - I can't quite describe it. It was like whenever we said something horrible we didn't mean it. And even though we didn't really speak, we wish we did. If that makes any sense?

I've also had loads of dreams about him lately.
Most of them were about us two being together, and happy.
but last nights dream was so touching... the the point where I still feel the emotions I felt in my dream. It started where I saw him the other end of the street in his uniform (he's a soldier), and we walked up to each other, and just hugged each other for what seemed like forever. It wasn't like a normal hug, it was "i've missed you so much!" hug. When I think about how I felt in my dream, it makes my stomach go all funny.
In addition to this - I just have no idea why I just can't stop thinking about him - it's been so long since we last spoke, and we're probably totally different people.

We're both 18 now. Left school. He's in the Army. He doesn't have a facebook and I don't have his number.
I just can't get him off my mind :S I thought I hated him.
Can anyone help? Anyone ever felt like this?
I'm a little confused to be honest.

Thanks in advance.

I don't know how you will contact him if you don't have any of his info. Can you write him a letter? He might like to hear how much you've grown up, and that you're sorry you two fell apart long ago. If you do this, keep it very casual at first. Don't go rehashing how wonderful your relationship used to be. You can leave your contact info and if he wants to talk to you, then he will. If you don't hear from him, leave it at that. Don't go into this endeavor expecting that he wants to rekindle things with you though.

I am assuming you guys never dated due to the fact that you say you were close during childhood but drifted apart and never spoke in secondary school (which is years 11-16 and then two more years until 18 if you wish to stay on). I feel like you are holding on to something that was never there, holding on to this version of him as a kid, he is most probably not that same person anymore. Besides you are only eighteen, you are still young, you are only just beginning your life, maybe you are scared to start the new chapter that awaits which is why you are trying to cling to the old one, maybe it's more comforting.

Either way, I suggest you should probably try and reconnect with him as friends, you seem to have romantic feelings for him but you have no idea whether he can reciprocate these so you can only really reach out to him as an old friend. His family members and close friends should be able to provide contact details for you, like an email address or something.

And sorry but dreams are rarely prophecies. You are only having these dreams which feature him as he is heavily on your mind.