What to do? Move on or wait?....

Hi Everyone,

I am new here and looking for some advice. I hope this is the right place to post. (sorry if it is a long post).....

I have been seperated from my ex for the past year and half and we have a 5 year old son. We are still trying to sort out the property settlement, divorce etc.

Anyway, at the end of last year (Oct) I started to form a friendship with a work colleague (work in the same company but not department but I have a working relationship with due to our departments crossing over at times).

He was going through a similar situation in that he had caught his wife cheating with her boss. He had suspected for a little while and finally caught her. So in the midst of finding out what happened to him I was being a supportive colleague and offered to lend an ear and offer any advice as to work through feelings with his breakdown of his marriage. As I was also in the same position.

Around January I invited him to work drinks for a colleague who was leaving and I could immediately tell as he had been on holidays that the dynamic had changed when I turned up. (I was late as work was really busy). As I sensed a change he kinda bolted out of the drinks so I texted him to say we didn't have a chance to catch up as he had left.

He texted back that he needed to go as he wasn't in control of his feelings and didn't want to do anything he regretted.

Anyway, I left it at that and over the next couple of weeks we worked and grew closer but I didn't really want to start anything as he was going overseas for work for 6 weeks. Anyway, the weekend before he left he came over to a friends place as we had basically admitted that we did have feelings for each other and that they were unexpected but we couldn't deny them anymore.

He turned up and we shared a kiss when he arrived. Anyway, nothing else happened and he went overseas the next week. We continued to text and he rang when he could as he was working. We had decided to start seeing each other but taking it really really slow as we didn't want to rush into anything as we still had a lot to deal with the ex's.

After he finished his work he had a couple of weeks off in the States he still continued to text and ring me. The text were getting quite explicit which I didn't mind. (I have since found out he was visiting strip joints and talking to lots of women - still assessing how I feel about that and I haven't told him I know).

Away, when he got back we had organised to go away for a couple of days for his birthday. We had a lovely time and were intimate but it all felt so right.

We had been continuing to see each other but very slowly. It all sort hit a head a couple of weeks ago (two days before my birthday) when I as what I thought was a nice gesture and put something on his desk. He flipped as he thought people would cotton on as to us seeing each other.

We had been working on an event the past two weeks so we have had a lot of contact and I have been in his dept and him in mine talking about it. He got really paranoid and basically called everything off on Tuesday the day before my birthday. I was so upset as my ex also forgot my birthday and I got nothing from my son.

I managed to have dinner with him later that week and he explained his reasoning behind not wanting to be more than supportive friends. Whilst I understand his reasonings (his ex finding out as they haven't come to an arrangment and neither have I) and just having to much on with work and his own feelings he didn't want to hurt me and decided to end things and remain friends.

I guess I am still in a little bit of shock as I realise I did have genuine feelings for him (more than friends - even though I had been doubting my feelings as he has been chopping and changing and moody for the past two weeks).

I did ask him once we got through the next 6-9 months if we would continue our relationship as more than friends as we previously decided we were going to do. He said that he didn't want make any promises. But what would be would be.

So the past couple of weeks I have been very sick and unable to work (due to have surgery tomorrow) and when I had a go at him that I hadn't heard from him and I thought he would have called to see how I was. He said that he had also been sick, couldn't give me what I wanted and that he shuts down to get better in mind and health.

I said that friends don't treat each other like that and how did he know what I wanted. I told him that I wasn't ready for a full on relationship. He said if I wasn't happy and couldn't handle it I should walk away.

Whilst I understand that he has been busy at work it seems like he has been calling all the shots so to speak and hasn't wanted to catch up and talk things through at the moment.

I sent him an email telling him how I felt and left everything with him. He hadn't contact me in 5 days (he had his girls on the weekend and we had a no contact policy whilst he was trying to settle the girls).

I spoke to him yesterday as I had to do work for him before not being contactable. I also saw him earlier today as I had to drop in and pick up some stuff. He looked terrible and miserable. He couldn't talk as his work colleagues were around.

What do you think is this the right thing to do? Just leave him to it. Get better from my surgery and move on. Or am I just going to end up hurt by thinking he will want something again?

I really did think that this one was different. I can't explain it. I just feel like there is still something there that needs to be explored.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks

Goofy