Yes I do want to take care of her too financially but I obviously cannot at the moment. It might take 6-7 years but I'm pretty sure that I can take care of her later on. I know its a security issue and at her age (almost 29), I'll be concerned too. This is how I see it. Would you rather break up and lose the love that you already have and see yourself 4-5 years or more down the line still searching for that perfect partner OR keep me and invest in me which we two are already perfect for each other? To tell you the truth, we both see each other as a perfect partner. But continuing a relationship with me is like investing in which later on, I can take care of her.
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Forcing the issue generally won't be helpful in a relationship if the other person needs time to sort out their thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, it's not you who needs to change her mind- it's her. She may also react negatively that you're trying to force her into a decision that she's not ready to make.
You're probably right. I shouldn't be forcing things in her mind to change the way she feels about me which I was doing. But at the same time, I'm trying my best on telling her how I feel and I don't want to act like I don't care anymore. I still want to show her that I'm doing something to resolve the issue. I ask her what I need to change and what should I do make it better? She said she don't want me to do anything.
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Long distance relationships can be very straining, specifically because of the loneliness and difficulties associated with communication. The harsh fact is that she's correct: there's a five out of seven chance that you won't be present when she needs your support. Because of the distance she likely understands that you won't always be available except via telephone, and will make the best of what support you're able to offer through that medium. Many people are able to adapt to those situations, however the longer it's required, the more difficult it becomes.
I know it is hard but I try my best to come up and visit her every weekend and spend the whole weekend at her place. That's like 2 days out of 7 which I think isn't bad concerning that its a long distance relationship (1 hour away). It was working great actually or at least it was because I have to take care of things for myself (school/work) and her (work/visit her mom). She even told my friend during a conversation that our long distance relationship works great for both of us with no problem.
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Can you imagine from her standpoint how difficult it would be to continue that for ten years, or even five? By continuing to proceed through college on your current timeline, you're acknowledging that you're content to live with that lifestyle for a good while longer.
I know being in college and a long distance relationship is tough but we've dealt with it already for the last 6 months. Why now when my one of motivational goal to finish college is for her (mine too)? I'm not content with my lifestyle and I know that it can be improved; I just need time to get a better job and school will follow. I even told her that maybe we can live together and equally pay for everything.
She lives at her dad's house and she wants to move it. Me on the other hand want the same thing because living at home is distraction and its hard focusing on school when people's around telling you what to do. I just brought it up last night so maybe she can think about it or at least consider it.
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Including abandoning all of your schooling? How far are you willing to go in order to retain that loving relationship? If you can't find a compromise, which will you choose?
I don't think abandoning school will be necessary but I'm willing to relocate in her area for the sake of keeping the relationship. I love her and I'll do anything to make things better for us.
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"Which is better: a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?"
Would you prefer her to be dishonest, or would you prefer her to be genuine so you both can work towards a mutual solution?
I'd rather hear the truth so we can work on a mutual solution. I'd rather her be truthful and honest; and not hide any bad, unnecessary feelings just to make me happy. I want her to be happy too.
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She gives you chances every day that you're together and apart. When will you give her a chance to stay in the relationship? A relationship is between two people, not ten years of schooling and a few hours on the side to spend with each other. If both partners aren't willing to work towards a balance, regardless of how difficult the balance is to maintain, the relationship is already over. I personally wouldn't consider your relationship balanced, from reading your posts.
She used to have an ex-fiance' about 5 years ago and they lived 2 1/2 hours apart from each other. The other thing is they only see each other every other week because the ex-fiance' was going to college too. She too was finishing her college. They broke up because he cheated on her twice! First was forgiven and they broke up the second one. To tell you the truth, I haven't done anything to her that would hurt her and I'm not planning too either.
I say its not balance but not totally. I just wrote the stuff above to give you more details on her past. Why can't she do to me what she did when she had her ex-fiance'? Its not like I'm going to be in college forever and I visit her on weekends (2 days). At the same time, she has to work and me the same time; we have our obligations and its been working since we can take care of our own business together. Don't you think its enough?
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It might work, or it might not; either way it solves nothing in the long term. If she realizes you've done it simply to prompt a reaction, you've just succeeded in pushing her farther away.
I don't know. I guess I said that I'm not going to call her just to let her know that I'm giving her the time and space that she needs. In attempt to do that, my goal is to keep her head clear and think of it clearly without me dictating what she needs to do. I think I've said already the things that I wanted to say to make her understand how she means to me. I told her that I hope that we can work on our differences and go through this together.
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Your partner loves you and wants to continue the relationship, but a relationship works both ways. Typically both people are willing to work out the difficulties and endure the hardships in a relationship, as those are an important part of the companionship offered. If one partner is continously absent, the other will do his or her best to adapt, however once it reaches a point where the person believes the relationship is no longer receiving the support it needs to continue, other options need to be considered.
OK several month or just a month ago, we already talked about our long-term relationship and me still being in college is not an issue. She even convince me to finish it cause I'm smart. I asked her a simple question before which goes like, "are you ever going to leave me?" Her response was, "where am I going to go?". I say that maybe she has already adapted to this lifestyle by her response. I even told her so many times that for me to visit and travel every week is not a problem. I don't mind traveling for an hour 'cause more than worth it. We've had some arguments in the past but it didn't get to the point of breaking up; instead her ending up apologizing.
We talked last night and she told me a lot of things which might have changed the way she thinks of our relationship. She lives at home by the way and work full-time in Kaiser. She's stressed because she wants to move out but she can't. She's stressed that she has to support her mom and also to feed me during the weekends I visit. While its true that she buys food for both of us most of the time, I try to take her out too when I have money. She's stressed that she have to entertain and to feed both of us. Money has always been an issue for her and mentioned that long time ago...but everything goes back to normal after that. She's also stressed that she's not utilizing her degree right and she can't get a job that she deserves. I told her that at her age (28), she shouldn't be worry about it and since she lives at home and pay no bills. She's always financially stress which she told me before but it shouldn't get to the point where we can't see each other anymore. I told her that I'll be helping out and she doesn't want that. She told me that she's more than happy to take me out and satisfy me. Well OK fine, but what can I do? She also helps out her mom at the same time with groceries, etc. to make it more stressed for herself. She get stressed but it usually goes away after a few days. I hope that this is what's happening.
The part that got me is she told me that I can NEVER support her. I told her I can later but not right now. She repeatedly said no.
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Your partner may be at a point where she's simply unable to continue the relationship because of the imbalance and hardship. She has obviously been trying to remain a part of it, however there don't seem to be many options available. I suggest that you take a strong look at the entire situation and then invest a concerted effort into providing stability for the relationship. If you aren't prepared to sacrifice some of the things you're retaining in exchange for a mutually acceptable compromise (or set thereof), your parter's consideration of ending the relationship may be appropriate.
I'm very willing to work things out even to the point where I have to relocate college so I can live with her. Or she can live with me here where I live and look for a job here. She told me, what happens if we later break up? Things are unpredictable and that might happen but I'm sure that we can work things out.