it's been 6 years

i've been in north america ever since i was small
6 years ago i met a guy on the internet in my mother country
4years ago we fall in love, we don't have that much things in commen, but i guess that makes attraction
a lot of things happened within this time, he lied to me i lied to him
and we argued and gave pain to each other
we always wanted to meet but never have the chance
so about 1 year ago we broke up and decide not to talk anymore (i decided that..)
but he still check on me, on things happen in my life all these time,

right now, i really want to go back to him and talk to him again, but doing that, my mind would go back to him and become unhappy
because he have his life and i'm not in it, which would make me feel lonely
but not going back he's still on my mind
it's been years and years i just can't end it