Just sharing some feelings, and obviously asking for advice

i havent been posting here for a WHILE. well, i wont consider that a very healthy situation, because i think my problems are the ones that make me keep on struggling.

i have a crush for this girl that started like 2 years ago. i talked so much about her in this forum that some of you may recognize the situation
i never felt able (or strong enough) to tell her my feelings and, as the time passed, she eventually moved to a far place.
i was in a huge party the last night and guess who was there? yeaah!. so i talked to her and she told me she came my town every weekend. i got happy. then i found out she was seeing no one. the flame had reborn LOL. i eventually kissed her (not something very elaborate) and went away.

oh besides, i have a girlfriend, thats why i feel im an asshole.

but before you all tell me how douche i am, let me speak to you about my girlfriend.
she controlls me, she doesnt seem to love me and she's spoiled. perhaps, i told her, we have different personalities and it was bad to continue. i broke up with her so many times, but then she puts so much pression into me that i feel i have to come back to her no matter how. she calls my mom crying, she puts all my friends against me, she fakes diseases, etc etc. and i know thats all because she loves me so much - she wants me despite any other opinion.

and i feel an asshole because of that too.

so - i suck because i kissed someone i doubt ill ever get a chance
- i suck because im not firm enough in my relationship and instead of speaking my mind, end up repressing my thoughts

thank you all for this wonderful forum, you can take big rocks out of my back!!!

Hm... I interacted with a girl much like your gf (wasn't actually a girlfriend, but anyway)... now from what you say about her, it seems that she might not love you at all, but just your attention. There are some people like that - they just need the self-esteem boost that comes from having someone that cares a lot about them... and then when they get in a relationship they don't want to let go of it by ANY means - even if they don't really like the person anymore. It was like that with the girl I met - when I asked her to be my gf she didn't say yes or no because she didn't want me but she didn't want me to walk away either, and it went on for months...

So you don't really suck, but I think step 1 is to break it off for good, respectfully but clearly. Which means no contact, and ignoring all her attempts at getting attention. That's what I did anyway, and believe me she was a pain for a while, but she got the message quickly.

After that, by all means go take your shot at the other one, regardless of the odds - life's too short. Hope I helped (but take my words with a big grain of salt)

(um português por aqui? xD)