A little lost i guess..

It's been about a month now that my ex and I have been broken up. Overall the relationship was brilliant for about 4 months, then for the last month or so, it was very up and down. She just didn't show that little bit of interest in me anymore. Anyway, long story short, i ended up not treating her as a friend as well as a girlfriend, it became dependent on the little things (tickling, poking etc).

I do find myself still thinking about her, but i'm not sad/depressed. I'm not really sure what this feeling is. I'm always tempted to just pick up the phone and call her and whatever. Everytime i see her at school, my heart races. Just talking to her at school gives me hope that she can fall back in love with me again, even after she said to be that we should remain friends, and it was the right decision.

Basically, I'm still in love with her. I can see where I've gone wrong, and I feel as though I'm more optimistic towards my life, I'm not as dependent on others (general self improvement overall). The only times where i am sad/depressed is when she doesn't talk or even look at me at school, or runs off with her bestfriend (one of my good friends - guy). She's told me she values my friendship, but I feel i can't really be 'friends' with her while having these feelings.

If i were given the chance, things would be a lot different.. I guess these feelings with drain eventually..

"I'm not as dependent on others " Yeah, never rely on others for happiness, or anything really. Unless it's family. That's the number one thing I learned about relationships, you can't rely on them to give your happiness, it will fail and you will be left with nothing.

"I do find myself still thinking about her, but i'm not sad/depressed. I'm not really sure what this feeling is." Well, this is an easy one. You miss the companionship of a female. That's all. Learn from this relationship, what went wrong and how you can change it for your future ones. Then, once you're ready, go out and find another girlfriend. It will be better then ever before, I promise.

Feelings do fade eventually, but seeing this girl at school everyday really isn't helping you heal. How long until you graduate/ get the hell out of your school?

In Year 11. So just 1 more year.

But yeah, i do agree with you, just makes it hard when she starts a conversation with me at school and everything ><

You don't need to be friends with her. Don't bother with her bullshit if she's playing hot and cold with you and you are making a effort. Tell her that you need to be on your own for space and that she should respect it. Funny how when you do this, they want to be more with you. Don't fall for that and put yourself first here.

Sigh, I don't know why i keep going back to her. Yesterday had the greatest day (we talked, and mucked around together, just like old times), then today was her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday, and didnt seem to want anything to do with me :(

The next time she seems interested, should i just shut her down so i don't have to go through this all over again?

Maybe she is having trouble getting over you and moving on thats why at times she is friendly and other times distant....but if you still have strong feelings for her maybe you should try and talk to her and tell her how you feel...Hope it all works out!

Dude, you're in grade 11 and this kinda stuff happens to guys your age. I'm not trying to water down or overlook what you're going through, BUT keep in mind that this kinda stuff will happen. Women like to be chased. But if it seems that you're chasing her most of the time you're in contact with her, she's going to think that there's no challenge and things will get old quick.

Next time you bump into her, be kind, but don't flirt with her. Keep the convo to one minute, tell her that you'll talk to her later and walk away casually. Nothing should appear wrong and you shouldn't feel wrong about doing so. If she's really into you, she'll make more of an effort..... and if things DO get to a point where it's undeniable that she wants more from you than just a friendship, make damn sure that you're the one in charge. Don't spend every waking minute with her and do not beg for anything. Be in charge..... it will be uncomfortable at first, but in time this will build your confidence. Women of every age love confidence and this will make you both happy and successful when it comes to women. Good look man.

You're both going through the stages of denial. She might be doing the complete opposite of what she really wants to do, you might be doing the same. Give it some time, give each other space. Feeling pressured will completely decimate whats left of the feelings you both have each other.

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Originally Posted by yenah [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sigh, I don't know why i keep going back to her. Yesterday had the greatest day (we talked, and mucked around together, just like old times), then today was her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday, and didnt seem to want anything to do with me :(

The next time she seems interested, should i just shut her down so i don't have to go through this all over again?

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You being really nice to her and having a great time then blowing her off the next time would be playing games and being hot and cold like her. Isn't it confusing as hell when all your feelings are wrapped up in this?

You have to gain some perspective on this. I understand you are still in love with her and unfortunately that doesn't always translate into a successful relationship. It would require change on both parts to really increase your odds of working. However, it hasn't been that long at all, and while you were focusing on change, more than likely she wasn't. If one or both of you are the same person in a new relationship, the only logical conclusion is that you both would end up breaking up again.

While you have worked on yourself and have made some changes that you feel you needed to address, we all could use some improvement and you still have a long ways to go. You should focus more so on that and continue to move forward while cutting yourself off from her. If she plays hot again and is trying to be all cutesy with you, tell her that you don't think you guys should hang out. If she asks why, tell her that you aren't ready and need space on your own. If she doesn't understand that, keep pressing that point. You have to find happiness on your own and help to break your dependence on another person. Everything will be okay whether things don't work out with her, so don't push the point and try to rush things between you two.