4th time is the charm? Am I an idiot?
When I met my boyfriend he had technically broken up with his ex-girlfriend, but they were still having sex and spending so much time together that for all intents and purposes they may as well have been dating. Once I started seeing him, he claims he cut off contact with her. She was very unhappy, and a couple of times when we ran into her in public, she burst into tears upon seeing us together. She would also drunkenly text him late at night.
I realized that he couldn't control her behavior, so I tried to ignore the situation, but his actions led me to believe he wasn't over her either. He would bring her up a lot in conversation, most of the time it wasn't positive, for example, he complained a lot about rumors she was spreading about him post-breakup. He also would just bring her up at random though as well. For example, if I said I liked a movie he would say "oh that was my ex-girlfriend's favorite", etc.
We had been together about five months, and he still continued to talk about her a lot. One day he was really quiet and withdrawn, he said he found out that she was dating someone new and it upset him.
Other than the ex issue, things were going well until one night when he was looking for a pair of shoes in his room. He pulled a pair of underwear out from under his bed and said to me "oh, here, you must have lost these." Problem was, they weren't mine. I was understandably angry and upset. He swore up and down that he hadn't cheated. He said that either they were his exes and had been there since before we got together, or that they belonged to his roommates girlfriend and his dog had drug them under there. His room is messy, so it was somewhat plausible, but in light of all the other crap that was going on I felt like I couldn't trust him and ended the relationship.
He was very upset, and I continued to get texts and phone calls from him for two weeks begging me to forgive him and take him back. I cut off contact from him for a week, but finally caved and agreed to meet him for drinks. We talked, things seemed fine, and we started talking and texting again, but he didn't ask me to hang out at all. After about a week of this, I asked him if he wanted to accompany me to a work-related event I was attending. He told me he couldn't because he had a date that night. Confused and devastated, I realized he was moving on and felt like it would be best for me to not to contact him again. I didn't hear from him either.
Two months later, I got a text from him saying how much he missed me. We started dating again. However, he continued to talk about his ex a lot. Finally, when he was drunk one night, he said some things that led me to believe he was still talking to her. He came clean and said he had slept with her once during the two months we were broken up, but that they had not been back together, and he had been sleeping with someone else as well.
Disgusted, I broke up with him AGAIN. Seven months later, I again got a text from him. Like an idiot, I agreed to meet him for coffee. When me met, he said that he hadn't really been over his ex when we started dating, that he had never cheated on me with her, but that he loved me and deeply regretted messing up his chances with me because of his complicated relationship with her. He said he had thought about me and what mistakes he had made everyday while we were apart. I caved, and we have been happily dating for two months now. I have seen no signs that he is still talking to her.
The problem is, all of my friends are telling me I'm an idiot for getting back together with him. I feel like things are going well between us and I am ready to forget and move on. He is asking me to become exclusive with him, and I told him I still felt I felt I needed more time, even though really I am not dating anyone else. He has told me he sees us as a long term thing, and I feel the same way. Am I being stupid? Can't someone get a second (4th?) chance?
