What to do in my current situation?
I'm a 16 year old guy from Victoria, Australia, my girlfriend is 13 years old & lives approx. 30 minutes away. In the past 4 days our relationship has been unstable.
Here's our story right from the beginning:
March 3, 2010: A girl in year 7 approaches me nervously & asks what my name is.
March 4-8, 2010: I learn her name, who she is, that she has an intense crush on me & so on. We have a few brief encounters in the hallway, EG. "Hi" - "Hey" - *squeals of excitement* (It's noteworthy that I am not the best looking guy in the world, & in fact have never had any romantic experiences).
March 9, 2010: I talk to her online for the first time, she compliments me in every possible way, & I kind of like it. Our conversation progresses & eventually she asks me out. I tell her I'm not sure & ask if I can provide an answer later, she agrees.
March 10, 2010: We're talking online again & I'm currently in a 'F*ck it why not?' attitude, so I say yes. She is over the moon with happiness.
March 11-12, 2010: I somewhat regret my hastiness of the night before & don't make eye contact with her at all at school. Also some other year 7 girls approach me & call me such things as "Pedo freak", "Sick ****" etc. I'm upset by this & don't mention it to her.
March 13-14, 2010: We talk online ALL weekend (I think we got about 6 hours sleep all up). & it's stated that I don't care what people think & that I love her. This is a lie, as you will discover later on in the story.
March 15, 2010: We hang out together for the first time, at school. & it is VERY awkward.
March 16-23, 2010: We hang out together a bit more & it gets a little less awkward. We are talking online after school as much as possible. In addition to all this I am very frigid, giving only hugs & nothing more (due to lack of experience) but she is getting more & more active with me (kissing me on the cheek, gradually getting closer & closer to my mouth with each one).
March 24, 2010: Our first actual kiss, occurred at the end of lunch, lasted for about half a second & was very awkward.
March 25-26, 2010: We finally slip into the 'normal' kind of relationship behaviors (i.e kissing, holding hands etc.).
March 27 - April 11, 2010: We're on holidays for 2 weeks, I don't see her at all over this time. Also my Mum finds out about her & does not approve.
April 12, 2010: Term 2 starts, we are both very happy together & I finally get the feeling that I am 'in love'.
I'm starting to drawl on here so I'll just list the main occurrances over Term 2:
- I learn that she is bipolar, thus explaining her mood swings.
- Her alcoholic, single Mum still doesn't know about me.
- We start to argue more & more.
- We share lots of lovey dovey messages, give eachother affectionate names, all the sort, (most notably writing 'xox' at the end of every message, in addition we know the other is angry/unhappy if this isn't present).
- Due to her age we agree to not have sex until she decides she's ready.
- I discover she cuts herself, I beg her to stop.
- My friends begin to take second priority to her; I turn down multiple Party/Disco/Misc. invites from my friends to stay at home & talk to her online.
- I discover I'm a VERY jealous boyfriend. Due to an incident in which I insulted one of her guy friends, because he was pretending to flirt with her, apparently this is just an inside joke & I made quite a fool of myself.
- I begin to get the feeling she doesn't love me, at least not as much as she did at first.
- I discover that I won't see her from June 11 - July 12 due to me being on Work Experience, Camp & holidays. She states that this will be alright.
This is what's happened recently:
June 10, 2010: Our 3 month anniversary & my last day of school for a month. We are both very sad & try to savor our last day together. But we're still both very unhappy.
June 11-14, 2010: No school, we talk online, all seems okay.
June 15-18, 2010: I start Work Experience & due to my long hours was not in a very good mood when I got home each night. Specifically on the night of the 17th we nearly broke up, she was having a mood swing & came quite close to breaking it off, but she didn't. However she did state "I won't be surprised if we break up these holidays.".
June 19, 2010: I go to Tasmania for a school camp & I miss her dearly, so much that I didn't really enjoy camp. I spent most of my time on Facebook on my phone talking to her.
June 20-22, 2010: I'm in Tasmania, depressed about being so far away, but she rings me a few times & we talk, so it seems okay. Until:
June 22, 2010: That night we went bowling & I was messaging her on Facebook when suddenly she announces that she's hanging out with a guy & that her phone is going flat. I was unhappy at this stage because I was lonely & my friends seemed (but in hindsight weren't) to be, less friendly.
June 23, 2010: That morning she messages me & apologizes that she couldn't talk because her phone was flat. Me being angry & stupid wrote back "Yeah I don't doubt that. Most people do have a good time not talking to me.xo" to which I got "What the **** is wrong with you? Seriously that is not why, but if you want to turn it in to some stupid depression thing, then fine. You're mad at me for having fun & meeting new people...that's nice, what a lovely boyfriend.x" in reply.
For the rest of this day I try to apologise but she won't respond.
This night I finally manage to get her talking, about whether or not she's dumping me & whether or not she still loves me. She simply states that she does love me but doesn't know if she'll dump me.
Then I made my big mistake, I admitted that at first I was lying about loving her, simply to spare her feelings. From then she wouldn't listen to my apologies & my explanation that I do love her now, just not then.
June 24, 2010: I discover that the guy she was hanging out with the other night is her new best friend & that he has feelings for her, & he is trying to convince her to dump me for him. I asked her how she feels about this to which she replied "Sorry, but I do like him."
So since then we haven't spoken, I do not know if she is cheating on me, if she is planning on dumping me, if she wants me too break it off with her or what is happening.
It's still 2 weeks until I see her & I just don't know what to do. Should I message her? Ask her what the current situation is? Or should I leave it & wait for her to message me? I'm really confused & don't have anyone to talk about this with.
I'm sure I've left some details out, but that's pretty well the full story.
Thanks for all help. Much appreciated.
