In Love with my best friend that's now overseas

I've been moping, depressed, and in a funk ever since my best guy friend left last Wednesday afternoon, going to Afghanistan on contract work. I have cried every day since. He's the one I lean on for support, the one I need when I'm having a bad day, the one I talk to when no one else will listen and I am always there for him doing the same.....Gosh I miss him. It doesn't help that we became intimate 3 days before he left. As mostly everyone says "One thing led to another" and we were in each others arms. I don't know why we did what we did. We both were vaunerable, looking for that void during our lonely times I guess. I never really had feelings for him like that because he was my best friend. He was divorced with 2 kids as was I with 3 kids. He is 20 years older than me. I was telling a close relative about this and she keeps saying that I am in denial, that I really have always loved him but put those feelings behind me due to rejection and losing a great friend. Well I made things worse by sleeping with him and all of those feelings, all of those wants have come to the surface and I am feeling even worse because I don't know what to do. What's even worse is that he is gone to Afghanistan for 6 months home for 2 months. I don't wanna tell him while he is having to deal with so much over there. I'm also getting worried because I haven't talked to him since he left. So I'm thinking the worst....Something has happened to him or he has decided that what we did was wrong and being there was a good enough excuse for him to not speak to me again. I Love this man, but I do not wanna risk telling him how I feel and ruin our friendship. I dont even know how he feels. He is so secretive when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm stuck in a place that I can't get out of. I started something knowing I was gonna end up with a broken heart or a best friend as my soul mate. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. :upset: