How did I crash so fast?

My boyfriend and I had been dating for nearly two years when he brought up the marriage discussion. We agreed we'd wait six months before getting engaged, as the timing will just be better that way in light of all of life's circumstances. When the time came (this June), we went ring shopping together and I told him he'll have to talk to my parents before proposing to me as I am very close to them. So he did - my Mom was sad and happy at the same time, and my dad was very happy and proud...having wished him luck. After speaking with them (and getting their approval) he came to pick me up, we drove to pick up the ring... and then he proposed (very romantically).

I accepted, and we wanted to tell our parents right away. With the ring on my finger, we went to tell my parents... and all hell broke loose. My Mom started crying, demanding that we live in the two-family house underneath my parents in order to get her blessing... my dad was more calm, but indicated regret that we hadn't all talked beforehand. That was a shock, but thought they needed more time to get adjusted to things, so I didn't really react. However, the following days after that, my dad continued expressing regret that they hadn't spoken to me alone before, and my mom indicated regret in that she feels as though I didn't listen to all her previous criticisms of him (I don't have to listen to them if I feel as though she is not right)... It was so bad that I ended up returning the ring to my boyfriend.

Now we are waiting to let all the emotions settle before trying again... He understands and he doesn't want to lose me, but I am just not sure how to go on from here... My mom doesn't want to talk to me, and my dad keeps saying how they just needed more time to adjust and how he feels that I should wait until I get married... I am 28 years old, which is not an age at which I would have to wait...

That's the situation right now... I am borderline depressed and frustrated and sad at the same time. And we are both very bitter, but we don't want to lose each other. I am not sure how to start my own family without upsetting my parents, especially my Mom...

Um, what the hell happened? He talked to them first! He got their approval. What are they doing now, acting like this? Are your parents medicated? Is life always so insane in your family?

Life sin't always this way in my family, really, even though I understand how it may seem that way from the situation.

I asked them the same question you are asking me, and their response was that they did not want to say no or disapprove because it was not their place to do that. Which is infuriating because they said a lot of things to me after I accepted the proposal, which was contingent upon their approval... Now my dad claims that they just needed time to get adjusted to everyhing and that the criticisms were just a way of dealing with the news. I had no idea. Now I have upset everyone when all I was trying to do was to keep everyone as happy as possible.

You're 28 years old, for God's sake. They need to stop behaving this way. It's like My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding all over again.

I know. People keep saying that. But I cannot help but feel this immense guilt for having caused so much stress... On the other hand, this ought to be a happy occasion, not a sad one.

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Originally Posted by Neuro [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know. People keep saying that. But I cannot help but feel this immense guilt for having caused so much stress... On the other hand, this ought to be a happy occasion, not a sad one.

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Screw them. Yes, they're your parents, but they're not allowed to act like this any more than anyone else.

Honestly, I think you need to go out and live your own life. You may be your parents pride and joy, but you are also the care taker of your own happiness... remember that.

Thanks all. I wish I was as brave as you. Luckily I am with an amazing guy who understands and is patient, but I also know that that won't last for too long. I need to face my folks with a confident yet sensible attitude.