I feel like I don't know myself anymore?
I recently a break up that took a long time to finalize. We were going back and forth between trying to make it work, breaking up, talking, not talking, etc. I don't regret any of it, as I genuinely feel like we tried to make the best of our situation and ultimately the break up was amicable. I'm starting to accept the situation and emotionally I'm much more stable now. I know this is the right thing to do right now. But I feel a sense of confusion in my identity and beliefs. I've always felt like I knew myself pretty well and had a good grasp on my beliefs, but I do feel very shaken up. Here are a couple of things running through my head, maybe some of you can give me insight.
1) First off, the basis of the break up was that we're young and needed to get to know ourselves better. She feels like she's never really been single and needs to experience that. I feel like I'm learning so much about myself that being in that relationship isn't the right thing to do. Until both of us can reconcile with our own baggage, being together now would only be a temporary solution. Just speaking in terms of my own mentality, I see our situation as right person but wrong time. I think that had we been a few years older(we're both 21 right now), we'd have a very good chance of working out in the long term. I am doing what I can to move on and live my own life, but my gut tells me that we could try again later down the line. Is it bad or unhealthy to think like that? I feel as if the reason why I'm so accepting of the break up is because I think there's a chance later on. Yet, there are times when think we're over forever and can't see how we'd ever get back into a relationship again. The only thing I know for sure is we shouldn't be together right now. But in terms of the future and everything else, I'm still very confused even on a logical level.
2) Like I said earlier, I feel like the foundation of my beliefs have been shaken. There are so many questions running through my mind that I feel so unsure of myself. I'm starting to question my career choice, my belief on friends, family, myself, what i value, etc. Is that normal? I always felt like I was a very mature person, and having gone through a rough childhood, I knew myself pretty well. But since the breakup, I've been asking myself a lot of questions without getting any answers. I try asking my friends and family for insight (not just on my breakup, but about life in general), and I understand what they're saying, but I don't know what I believe. It's almost as if I'm a teenager again trying to re-find myself. I feel as I just took a huge step back in growing up and maturing.
3) I don't know what motivates me anymore? Not to say that I feel hopeless about my life or that it's not going anywhere, I just don't have the same sense of motivation as before? I'm doing well in terms of my career, I know I have great friends, and just a lot of things to be thankful for. But I feel like all of these "blessings" I have in my life, they don't mean as much now that I'm out of a relationship. I guess in some ways, I believed that being in a good relationship enhanced everything else, so now that I'm single everything has been "downgraded." Is this feeling normal? I don't if I'm feeling this way specifically because of this girl, or this is typical of all relationships once they end.
I know looking at the grand scheme of things, I'm still really young and I really shouldn't be in such a hurry to answer all these questions. But I can't help think that I should know myself better by now. I've been in other relationships before, but I've never been so shaken up before.
