Advice needed on possible commitment phobia & baby fear!
Hi All,
Apologies for the long post, but i really need some advice.
In past relationships I can honestly say i have always been terrified of thinking about committing to my exes. They have turned out not to be the right people for me and so my gut instinct has been right.
i am now with a guy (only for 6 mths) and I am utterly in love with him. We've talked about moving in, marriage, everything and I haven't been scared at all. Until the other day that is...i am 27 and he is 34 and I think he wants to do things sooner rather than later - I want marriage and a house with him but want to wait another year before moving in I think as I don't want to miss out on the dating stage. I guess my first question is, do people think that is sensible?? And if so how do I explain that without hurting his feelings?
My second problem could be massive. He really wants children and when I think about that it terrifies me. I have never imagined having them, although I used to be a nursery nurse and love kids. I have spoken to him before and said I can't promise him children, but he thinks I will change my mind. He's also said he would marry me even if I was unsure about kids because he loves me, but I really think this is on the basis that he thinks I will change my mind.
Having kids scares me as I am not ready to lose my independance, social life, or anything and I fear this will happen. And I don't feel as though I'd ever be ready to lose those things. I really want to be able to promise him that i will change my mind in a few yrs time, but I can't do that and I feel guilty. I do want to change my mind and want children but when I think about it I just don't. I feel confused about what to do about it.
As a rule I always struggle with change, whether it be job, moving house etc. I just wonder if I am afraid of the change that would be involved or whether I genuinly don't want children. And will I ever want them?? I really hope that I do as I want to give the man of my dreams a family.
Sorry for the rant, but I'm so confused about what to do as I don't want to lose him?