Does my fiancée really love me?

They say the Internet isn’t the best place for relationship advice, but I desperately need people’s opinion.

I lied to my then girlfriend now fiancée about having a baby and immigration status. I was arrested in her presence for immigration offence and it was obviously shocking for her. I had to tell her the truth when I was released because I love her and fed up of lying to her.

PROPOSAL
According to her, she was disappointed and worried she would never see me again and proposed to marry me the same night and forgave me for lying about it and my son and told me she accept my son because she love me. Of course, I accepted her proposal but I asked if she was sure about this. I would have done this myself but I can’t because I she will probably think I want to marry her to get legal status.

SUPPORT
As time passes by we decided to live together to enhance our chances of getting certificate of approval to get. She agreed to rent a room in my aunt’s flat, although I was not happy my fiancée is paying rent to my aunt in a place we lived together but I understand it’s business as usual for her (aunt) and I don’t want that to cause friction between my family. Nevertheless, the rent was £270/month with is very good in central London. Unfortunately for me I can’t work not because I’m lazy but for obvious reason and I practically dependent on her. She work really hard mon- fri and earn good money and decided to support me with £20/week, and save £50/week for us (wedding etc) and do shopping averaging £20/ week.

LIE GATE
After a couple of months, of love, happiness, joy, tears, sadness like in most relationship things began to be not so smooth but that is obviously things that happens in relationship and we should fix it rather than run or shy away from our responsibilities. We both hurt each other but she always look back and tell me I lied to her about my baby and status, even though she lied to me about being pregnant when she clearly wasn’t I didn’t question her about it until recent when I have had more than enough of her appalling attitude.

FREEDOM
I don’t go out with her at weekends because I don’t like to go out much and so she can have her space as they say girls sometimes need to be alone. But I don’t like when she comes home like 4,5 or 6am the following morning so I voice my concern several times but she said I am infringing on her freedom. I felt angry but I don’t want fight so decided not to speak about it again.

TIREDNESS
My fiancée is always complaining of being tired every time she gets back from work around 7- 8pm, which simply means no sex, no play, no tv, no nothing. However she never tired to go out with her friends after work and come 11- 12pm, this drives me crazy but I usually don’t say a word. A couple of weeks ago she went to France on about 10 days to see her family, I missed my baby but when she got back she went straight partying. That was painful! It felt like I meant nothing to her.

SEX
Anyway, our usual great sex hasn’t been great for a couple of months now and not even regular, don’t know if it’s stress or she’s just off me? She one or twice faked an orgasm and I spoke to her about it to know how she feels and what to do to help her reach orgasm but it seems she isn’t keen on that.

PRE DIVORCE OR PRE NUP
She recently astound me when she told me she wants a me to sign pre-nup, it wasn’t a big deal for me but I can’t believe she told me that, none of us is rich yet and I told her would happily do that because she will be the loser when I get rich. She later created an argument and told me she want to leave me because she’s not sure if I will sign a divorce paper in the future if she wants to leave me. I was really sad and this is makes me so angry and emotional at the same time. It has never crossed my mind to divorce her or sign a pre-nup because I love her and will gladly share every thing I have got with her.

HER PARENTS
She can’t tell her parents about my situation because it too hard for her. They will not agree with her, as it seems they make the choice for her. Afterwards, she has got a younger sister that is with a very very older man, have a baby and live happily together. I personally think her parent isn’t a problem; she can make a choice to prove them wrong.

DESPIRATE
My fiancée desperately want me to tell my friends (closed friends) about my immigration status. I have never told anyone other than my baby mother, her and other family members. I agreed recently but later change my mind because there is not point telling them until I get my papers. I thought she’s forcing me to do what she want not want I want and she can’t be bothered to tell her parent about it so we can know if they will support her or not after-all her parent support her to keep the baby when she was pregnant but later change her mind not to.

DEPOSIT DISAPPOINTMENT
My fiancée has decided to rent another room at the cost of £370/month for herself because she need her space, and our flat mates are dirty. So I am still staying in my aunt’s flat for free. I agree with her that the flat mate our dirty but is that enough to forget the reason why we’re there in the first place? She knew what it was like before she agreed to rent it. Anyway that is the point, the point is she paid two weeks deposit extra to my aunt but she thought it was 4weeks. She asked me to ask for the deposit, to cut the long story shot my aunt said she got a week left because she spent approximately 10days extra so she decided to take a week rent out of the 2weeks deposit which means she is left with a week deposit. When I told my fiancée about it and how disappointed I was; she flipped and angrily told me everyone is sucking her money and jumped on the bed and started crying. I was extremely gutted; I couldn’t believe what I heard. I felt I should end it but I can’t because I can’t live without her. This brought lots of question into my head; she’s the one buying cloths, shoes, perfumes, partying etc She didn’t buy me anything, and I don’t ask her to buy me things apart from food shopping and £20 she gives me, even the £20 isn’t regular. I am really disappointed and I need your views on this.

Please tell me you view on all or some of the points.

So, you're completely dependent on this person to provide you with spending money now and to marry you so you can work legally, is that correct?

That's a lot of pressure on her, especially for a guy who lied to her about such big things. What's the deal with you and your son? Do you see him? Do you see his mother?

I can sort of understand your fiancee's point of view, and I willl explain why: My ex-husband was an immigrant, from India. When we met he was on a student Visa, and it ran out about a year and a half since we started dating. He was not legally allowed to work so he was doing cash jobs and making nothing. We had already planned to marry, but decided to do it secretly, in a hurry, so he wouldn't be deported.

I spent months supporting him. Even after he WAS allowed to work, he made so little that my income paid everything....rent, all the household bills. It started to make me resent him. All I could think of was how useless he was. He didn't bring home money and he did nothing around the house. I felt used. When he would ask me for money to go buy things it made me want to scream at him. Honestly.

Now in your situation, you're not working AT ALL, and you lied to her about having a baby with another woman, and your immigration status. That's a lot of negative stuff going on. She is working her ass off to support you. Yeah, I can imagine she's angry......and therefore not interested in pleasing you sexually or emotionally. What are you doing for her? What is it that you bring to the relationship to make it worth it to her?

I would say, if you really love her, either leave her or find a way to make yourself more useful before she ends up dumping you. The way things are going, I don't think you have to worry about a pre-nup or divorce.....you likely won't even end up married.

You've got a lot of red flags going on.

So you lied to her and she lied to you... Are you sure you want to get married?

If so, go and get married as soon as possible (in city hal)l so that you can work and support both of you as well.

Then when you are both established you can have a ceremony later and work out custody issues. It is not healthy that one person is the only provider... especially if it is someone who is still looking for fun, which is not a bad thing... but just inconvenient in this whole situation...

I am not sure what else to say.

I'm not understanding this.

To have been arrested for immigration offences, you must be in the UK illegally...

When you are arrested, your partner says she will marry you the same night. She doesn't marry you the same night. If you had been arrested, would you not have been deported back to your own country IMMEDIATLEY?.... Under what terms are you still in this country?

If you were in the UK LEGALLY you would be able to claim government benefits for yourself - you wouldn't have to rely on her for money.

Sounds to me that she will marry you so you can remain here, then she will divorce you.

You best be quick.....the Government is clamping down on the like of people getting married, to simply enable others to get residence here in this country.