My girlfriend is thinking of going back to her ex to have a child, it's complicate
An opinion on this would be very useful!
I have just put No Contact into place with my girlfriend, who was trying to decide whether to go back with her ex so she can have a baby, they have frozen fertilized eggs and she had “Chemo” that made her infertile, she has to make the decision by next Monday, or they will destroy the eggs. She says her only chance for a baby is to go back with him although she is fighting the fact that she loves me, but can’t decide what she wants. She was very distant with me last week and I didn’t know about the egg issue till the Friday.
We have only been together for just over four months, but the love and passion was definitely there and I think genuinely still is, on both sides.
She came down to be with me on Friday night after promising her ex she wouldn't to give her time to think. She was loving and told me many time how much she missed me, she asked what I wanted to tell her to her face, but I said I still couldn't. We had an amazing night of passion and closeness, until 2 in the morning when her ex turned up and demanded she go back with him to talk, so she left, although you could see she didn’t want too… They live 240 miles away. He is a bully and very demanding. I received a hurried text message on the Saturday saying, I didn't mean what I said... cant contact, don't text. Didn't hear anything more until last night, by text.
After a few text messages and not really knowing where this was all leading, she admitted in one she still hadn't decided either way. So I called her on the phone, it was a pleasant chat and she was full of remorse for making me wait and that she still hadn’t made her mind up… Although she was pointing out how pathetic it sounded about going back with him just to have a child, although the lure of children is great I know.
After a while of chatting about love and how she wanted to be with me, but is so confused, I told her that I wanted to chat with her on the phone, as it could possibly be the last time we spoke to each other, she said “don’t say that” I said well, I am backing off and letting you make your decision, I love you and would love to think that we had a future together. But I said that I don’t want her to contact me with what she decides, unless obviously she decides it’s me she wants. I said that I am giving her space, but she must respect that I need some too, that she shouldn’t contact me to give me my space, I said I need to think of moving on.
I told her that I hoped what ever her decision, that she leads a happy life, because I think she deserves it.
Have I done too much or should I have waited upon her decision, I just haven’t been able to cope the last week or so not knowing, so I wanted to take the decisive approach and show that I won’t be messed about. That I am strong and although I WANT a relationship with her, I don’t NEED it!
The way I look at it is, he is possessive, needy and aggressive, all the things I am not. I mean, coming all the way down to get her to come back is showing a sign of neediness right? I just wonder if she is too weak to fight off his bullying and she will back down.
I really hope this works.
Would value anyone's opinion!
