First date - conversations

Soo... I am not much of a talker, because of this, it raises alot of issues for me, especially on first dates. I am able to hold conversations with girls in general due to the fact that alot of girls I meet are at university, so the obvious starters would be,
- how are you, how was class, wow that lecturer sucks, that subject was hard, i would know i failed it blah blah.

However, outside of the common/general conversation starter based on the mutual premise of being a student i am utterly crap... lets say you got a number at the local shop, or you're out and about. On the first date, how would you proceed to converse. I feel as though in the obvious attempt to get to know the person, it becomes a question and answer type senario which is undesirable.

so, any hints?

Focus less on being a good conversationalist and instead on being a good listener. Ask lots of questions. LISTEN to the answers and use them to ask more questions or, if appropriate, to add something yourself. Talkative guys are great, but there's no bigger turnoff than a guy who doesn't care at all about anything I see or seem interested enough to ask anything about me - and believe me, there are a LOT of guys like this. Use this to your advantage and be a different kind of guy.

The best way to keep the conversation flowing is to ask questions. Ask your date what she does for a living, what her interests and hobbies are or what she like to do to relax. You’ll get to know more about her, maybe get an idea for a second date and the conversation will flow naturally.

You also need to look interested when your date answers your questions. Don’t yawn, stretch, break eye contact to look at another woman and never wear a bland expression. When she answers your questions, follow up with another one or add a tidbit of your own. Your questions will surely lead to her questioning you too, so be ready for that. Choose topics that you feel comfortable answering. By asking questions first, you can control the path of the conversation somewhat, so use this to your advantage.

Really listen. No, I mean it - listen to what she has to say. If you really take interest you can always find in her answer something new to ask about.

In my experience, the conversation has to happen naturally between the two of you, so there's nothing pre-planned that anyone could really offer you. The moment you need to force the conversation means that the two of you are not that good for each other.

You sounds socially retared. I know, because I once was, myself. Luckily that was in college where I buily my conversation skills. It just takes practice man. Lots of practice. Also, you have to get over that fear of looking or saying something stupid. We all do it from time to time but most of the time, if you're down to earth enough to laugh at yourself you can always use it to your advantage. The best advice I can give you is to just "BE". That is, let flow man. Listen, respond and get interested ya know. Elaborate when you can and dig deeper into conversations when the moment presents itsself.

I think it may be easier the less you know about the person.. even if you have nothing in common, become interested in learning about them and just ask questions and genuinely listen...a good start, what are you doing with your life? Narrow it down from there.

thanks every for the advice, it has been noted.

IncognitoSir: Funnily enough in the scheme of just being social, im not that retarded. In fact I talk to alot of randoms, for eg jsut before class, or whereever for whatever. I guess for me, is the idea of "performance anxiety" in the sense that you are their to "try" and impress the girl. I'm afraid ill say something stupid.

My first time out at a club when i jsut turned 18, my mate forced me to dance with this girl, they pushed me. I was already nervous as it is, guess what I said? " Do you come here alot"? o m g, as soon as i said that i was like what the **** was i thinking. The cheesiest line came out of no where.

Maybe that is my problem, i get along with randoms because i dont expect anything, so therefore i just "be" and i flow better. While on dates, i try to plan what i might ask, which messes me up.

Mishanya: You have a point.

Another issue that may be conveyed in the wrong manner is eye contact. I can not maintain eye contact with girls for a long period, i feel as though if i just look eye to eye for a long period that its wierd, i often turn away and then look back. Is that suggesting to them that im not interested, when i truely am?