Needing space or breaking up?
Ok, here's the dilemma. I dated this guy for a year right after he got out of a horrible 10 year marriage. The first three months of our relationship was outstanding; passionate, conversation never ceased, intense and we had a very close bond with great communication. Four months into it, he asked me to move in with him and I did, against my better judgment. Time went on and over the next couple months of us living together, he became distant. I found out he was talking to other women on the side through eHarmony, Cupid.com and dating sites on his iPhone. I confronted him about this to which he replied "He was just trying to see what was out there", and that he wasn't physically active with any of them, nor had he met any of them in person. I believed him and told him how it made me feel, he promised to never do it again. Two months later, he leaves on a business trip to California and when he comes home, I find naked pictures of himself on his computer. I had never seen the pictures, so I confronted him about it and he told me he was making me a video. I believed him, but later found out that he had been texting them back and forth with an old girlfriend. I decided then was the time for me to leave, so I packed my things and as I was leaving, he begged me not to go. So, I stayed on the hopes that it would get better. After all this happened, I had trust issues with him. I became suspicious when he stopped coming home for lunch like he always did and never answered the phone when I tried to call him during those times. Then, he would always schedule work events before he would schedule any time with me. Granted, I know work is important, but I'd like to spend time with him too.
Our relationship went downhill every month after that and it got to the point where he wouldn't touch me, kiss me, hug me, or have sex with me. Finally, I broke. I was trying my best to keep his home clean, his meals cooked on time, and be part of our family, but it seemed like nothing I did was good enough. I told him that something had to change, that I needed to feel loved. That's when he bought me a one-way ticket 5 states away to my home town and told me that he needed some time to himself and that I needed time too with my family. He sent me away on the promise that he would buy my plane ticket home the next time he got paid which was in a week. It has been one month and two weeks and I am still 5 states away. I talk to him regularly and he says he still loves me but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again because he needs to be happy with himself first. He says that he can't give me what I need right now and he doesn't expect me to wait on him.
Problem is, I love this man more than anyone I have ever loved in my entire life. The times that we had that were good, we were amazing and I had never felt that way before, and I know he felt the same. I want to wait on him, but he never calls me on his own accord and I always feel like I am interrupting his busy life when I talk to him (as he places work as number one on his priority list). I've tried numerous times to end the relationship, but he always says that I am acting irrationally and that we should talk about it when I have "calmed down". I don't think he understands how much this is hurting me, and if he does, why he won't let me go or let me come home.
I want to fight for him, but I don't want to fight alone.
Please help me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on him because he is the only man I have every truly loved, but I cry so much and I have lost so much weight because my nerves are shot. Everyday, everytime my phone rings or receives a text message I hope it is him, but it never is. This is killing me. I've told him how bad it hurts to be away from him and that if we are going to make this work, we need to be together, not apart, but he is scared of getting hurt and doesn't want to "make a decision based on emotion." What do I do?
