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Hey boys, I need some advice about my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years. I totally trust him and I get on really well with all his friends who he goes out with from time to time. Note that I have like no confidence and I think he can do better! When he goes out to clubs I absolutely HATE it. I trust him but then I dont know why I hate when he goes out clubbing? I trust him but I think maybe it could be that I think he'll find someone better? What do u guys think?
Thanks!
Why doesn't he bring you along when he goes to the clubs?
You see, he normally sees me most days, he'd never really see his friends. So when something is going on like they're going out to a club, he'd tag along with them. He likes to have friends time and girlfriend time which is understandable. I have gone out with him but he mostly just goes out with his friends when he goes clubbing. He's not a heavy drinker either, he just catches up with friends!
I can understand him wanting friends time and that is where most guys in this country will meet up, at the pub.
It's like this. You either trust him or you don't and if you can't, why stay with him?
Has he ever given you any cause not to trust him?
Have you been hurt in the past? Cheated on before? If so, perhaps this is why you have the fear he may meet someone else.
If he is going to cheat, he will cheat and there isn't anything you can do about it. If he is going to cheat, he will cheat at the pub, at work, walking the dog, or strolling to the shop. You can't lock people up in a cage and for fear they will cheat.
Until he gives you cause not to trust him, then you'd be wise just to trust. If he does cheat, then he wasn't the one for you.
Doesn't he have any other common interests with his friends besides clubbing? I get together with friends on regular basis, and yet somehow it rarely involves going out to nightclubs. If it's just about hanging out, they could be hanging out at somebody's home while they get their drink on. This situation sounds a bit shady, and despite the previous post, there is no reason for you to be passive about this. Talk to him.
hey, this is not a way you thinking about him, this is a normal man tedency of thinking. so, dont take any type of tension about this. he is totally yours.
make your relationship happier. :)
Best wishes for your relationship.
If he's a young guy between ages of say 18 - 26 on the UK, he will hang out with his friends at pubs and clubs - that is what the majority of the younger generation do here (females included) and some of the older generation do here. It is mainly where we go and to socialise I frequented clubs, pubs and nightclubs a lot when younger and with my girlfriends and even if I was in a relationship. Usually what happened was, he'd go out with his friends, I'd go out with my friends and we'd meet up at the end of the night. Or, I and a partner would go out together for a drink.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It didn't stop until I got married....then I didn't feel a need to go gallavanting off to the pubs with friends anymore, but my husband did and because it's what he'd always done too. He enjoyed a pint at the local and with his friends and I never tried to stop him him from enjoying an afternoon or a night out with his friends. I accepted it as part of who and what he was and never tried to change him.
The only time I'd have been unhappy, is if he was taking the piss and he was visiting pubs, etc all the time. If he didn't stop, I'd have left him.
Have you no friends of your own that you can hang out with and when he goes out with his friends OP? Or are you one of these females who since meeting a guy, you have allowed your life to solely revolve around him and have become dependant on him for your existence?
Have you even tried talking to him about this? If not, why not. You claim to have been with the guy 3 years - surely you could discuss this with him.
Appreciate the replies, thanks!
No, he has never given me any reason not to trust him, he's never hurt me in the past or anything. I just don't think I'm good enough for him, maybe I think he'll find someone better? Because trust really isn't an issue here, I know he wouldn't do anything. We are always together, so when he's out with his friends he likes to be with his friends. I understand that completely.
I've tried talking to him about this before and he doesn't understand why I feel this way either. He thinks I'm being stupid that he isn't going to find anyone better than me, which is nice to hear, but maybe it's the girls I don't trust?
Yes we are 19 and it is summer so if a night out is planned he will get a txt. We aren't huge fans of going clubbing cause we aren't big drinkers and we both prefer to just stay at home but thing is, he moved school at the start of september so he didn't stay as close to his friends, so when he gets an invite, most of the time he wants to go. I'm happy that he's becoming close to his friends again, absolutely delighted and I'm glad he goes out with them, but theres just something about it that I don't like?
But honestly, I trust him. It's just an odd situation really!
Thanks again for the replies!
So long as this is something he isn't doing all the time and he's neglecting you and the relationship, then I wouldn't worry about it. You said he's never given you any reason not to trust and you've been with him for 3 years. So far it seems that you have the 'perfect' guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_X [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Now he obviously doesn't think he is too good to be with you, else he wouldn't be with you and he wouldn't have stuck around for all this time...this guy obviously loves you.
What I learned about guys is, is that you can't change them and especially if they don't want to change. He likes going off to meet up with his friends once in a while and I think you'd be wise to just let him get on with it and when he's on the way out the door and to meet them, simply shout 'Have fun'.....
Funnily enough and when you do that, they tend to not want to go out so much - it used to work with my ex anyway lol
Not good enough is always an issue of low self esteem. Imagine if everyone thought like you, then everyone would never see the end of finding someone better, because there is always someone better. We'd be changing partners like they were underwear :) Think highly of yourself and have faith, but that doesn't mean to stick your head above the clouds either.Quote:
I just don't think I'm good enough for him, maybe I think he'll find someone better? Because trust really isn't an issue here, I know he wouldn't do anything.
"I trust him but-" < This statement means you don't trust him, so stop lying to yourself.
It also sounds like you don't trust that you are valuable, which is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
This kind of attitude is toxic to yourself, and any relationship you go into.
Question: If he offered to bring you to a club next time, would you go?