I Just Broke Up With My GF Of Over A Year
I apologize in advance for the length or lack of organization in this post. My thoughts are kinda all over the place. I really just need to get my feelings out on paper and get some advice.
So about 12 hours ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I love the girl to death. The actual breakup was awful. I did it in her house, where her parents were not home. Actually, her mom had just moved out a few months earlier and they were getting a divorce. Things were still very shaky at home. Her brother just played xbox, her dad just worked, her mom was living with my gfs grandparents a few minutes away. I was told I was the only stable thing in her life right now. When we were together we had a great time 99% of the time. It was just that sometimes the girl leaned on me too much. She demanded my attention and time too much. which is understandable considering what she is going through. And I was there for her most of the time.
Yesterday morning she called in sick to work, we were supposed to hang out after she got off but since she wasnt working she kept on texting and calling from 6 oclock until 11 when I finally texted her back. It annoyed me, it wasn't anythin unusual. she always loves texting a lot, im not a huge texter, more about talking in person and then a bit of texting until we see eachother again. i told her i'd see her at five, i'd go over to her house, no one was home but her. i finally did, showed up around 545 filled up the tank and went to the bank before hand, a bit late and she wasnt too impressed but whatever.
she really missed me, we hadnt had sex in at least a week. she really wanted to, it made her feel wanted, of course she was wasnted. but she was on her period, i was kinda in a wierd mood. I told her i didnt want to unless she was off her period. she got really upset, we sort of argued a bit. she got mad, started weeping in the other room. finally i told her lets get out of the house and do something. she made a fuss about not feeling wanted again and thats when the idea crept back into my head. i had already tried to break up with her before unsuccessfully, and these were my reasons.
she was my first serious girlfriend. she had had a few boyfriends before that lasting a few months but nothing like this. i had nothing to compare this relationship too. i told her i need to see what else was out there before i can commit to being with her, because in less than a month we would have had to do long distance again for over a year, still see eachother about every month tho probably. a month ago i told her these concerns, plus that i am a good hockey player with two years left to try and get a div 1 scholarship and i need to be training and getting in shape and doing everything right during this long distance and summer. I can't be up at 4am helping her deal with a problem if i have a game the next day. thats what it was like sometimes this past year when we were doing long distance. and im only 19, i dont know if i can commit to a girl at this age. Anyway, i told her all this a month ago, that she would become way less of a priority until I have things figured out, she said okay but the next day still demanding my time and attention a lot.
so finally it resurfaced last night. our arguement kinda sparked these concerns again and this time i stuck with my concerns and decision. I told her maybe we should be apart. she told me i was it for her, she knew i was exactly what she wanted because i am a very talented, intelligent amazing caring loving person, her words not mine. but she understood and told me i would do great things in the future because of those traits, and that if I ever realized one day that she was the best I'd ever have, that she would be waiting for me. whether or not I believe that is a different story. she gave her speech, hoping that I would do what i did two times previous to this which I havnet told you about yet.
Two breakup attempts previous i had voiced these same concerns but when she had moved to the side saying, i hope you find what you are looking for and motioning to the door, i said i already have and swept her up. i couldnt say goodbye to her at that time. last night she was hoping her brilliant speech would trigger the same reaction out of me. this girl really does love me with all her heart and now i crushed her. I listened to her speech, there was silence and whispered goodbye to her. she started to lose control as i left and i drove away, off to a buddys house where he was having a party and had some drinks. a lot of our friends were there asking where my gf was, no one knew except my close buddies who i toold.
I feel terrible. I really hope she is doing okay. A few of my buddies are very close with her and I pleaded they take care of her and make sure she is okay. Starting to tear up for the first time since writing this. My family loves her, they think she is so amazing and so do i!There is nothing wrong with her, not a damn thing. she truely is an amazing person. I am attracted to her, she is smart, perfect grades, kind, caring, willing to do near anything for me. I just can't commit, i need to be dealing with myself first and formost! Is that selfish to do? How can I make sure I am doing THE RIGHT THING!!! I keep telling myself why didnt i meet her when I was 25 because I can see myself being with her for, well im going to say close to forever but not from this young! Do I try to make it work for years to come, damage is already done???
Please Help!
