Hi guys and gals, it's me Black Flux.
How does anyone deal with a total loss of motivation to do anything? I got 8 pounds on this summer, can't study, can't go exercise, started smoking (!!!), I'm not working (I'm a college student) and so on.
In an ideal world, I'd get up, study some, practice some music instrument for fun, go running and exercise, read a good book and go sleeping satisfied. In reality I light up a smoke, then I drink coffee, then proceed to waste 8 hours with PC on internet, always on the verge of "just this thing and then I get going". I am not a complete wreck, but I seem to lack even basic willpower.
Also last night I had these crazy dreams of my ex-gf and me kissing in some absurd situation. We are on no contact and I try to not care about her, as much as I can, but I suspect that deep inside I miss her immensely. She was my first love, best friends, etc. Oh and she ditched me like a sack of yesterday's turds for another guy. I don't miss her actually, it's probably the closeness. Sometimes it feels like I'm surrounded by ppl, who don't get me at all, who I can't relax with. (I know it sounds like teenage issues. Yet I have the feelings.)
If I ever get to do my grand day programme, I don't feel much satisfaction from it at all. Am I lazy or what. I can't imagine, what things would I do, if I didn't proceed with my hypothetical routine, it would be like giving up on my life. Yet I don't care and waste time behind PC. We're broken up almost a year, and sometimes I still feel heartbroken. Being with friends doesn't provide me with much solace either.
Can anyone say something soothing? :d Thanks, Flux.