Difficult situation - need all the help in the world!

Hi,

Its hard to make this clear cut and not too long, yet give enough info. I have dated my girlfriend for 8 years. We were each others firsts. As a guy, I was curious towards the end of our relationship, flirting online with girls, meeting girls, but never actually cheating physically. Despite that, this hurt her time and time again. I moved away for over a year and during that time, it was hard for me. She visited and saw that I was still keeping in touch with a girl she didn't want me to. A few months later, I broke up with her and told her I wasnt ready to settle down/etc. I then went with another girl for a few weeks (rebound i guess) and told her about it because I wanted to be honest and not hide anything. I realized that I did a huge mistake and when I went after her...she started dating someone from work, however. She said that she was heartbroken and hurt for a few weeks and that she couldn't bear it any longer and since i did not show her a sign of life, she said "screw it...i want to see someone too" and went essentially for the first guy that asked her out from work. I tried several times to write things, explain, talk to her...she was so happy...but still hasn't taken me back. I stopped contacting her, and then she started contacting me and wanted to see me. We got together, but after that, i found out she still was dating the guy (she told me) and she said that he is nice, loyal, understanding, caring, etc. Its been back and forth, but she says she really wants to be close friends (yet when we meet up, we kiss/make out/etc and i see it as more). She does not want to get back because she's worried that it may not work out and then we have to go through a terrible break up again. I love her more than anything and I dont think i can be a best friend or a friend with benefits while she is dating someone else. My questions are what should i do? is there a chance? will it work out with this new guy? I feel it best to break all contact and let her be...as hard as it is. Advice appreciated!

Okay, so you're the one taking the moral high ground, here? Just so we're clear.

I think you're both people who are incapable of having exclusive relationships. Maybe you should just leave each other alone.

It wouldn't be so bad if you could both just be honest about it, but it seems like you're both guilty of cheating.

The thing is...I am truly capable of having an exclusive relationship now that i know what it means to lose her. I love her like crazy. She said she tried to break up with the new guy twice already, but couldn't because he was so understanding and she felt bad. Neither of us cheated on each other. I just wasn't the most loyal person. I should not have let my eyes wonder. I made mistakes and I learned from them. I dont know what to do to get her back!

You may not have physically cheated, but you were untrue to her, and she's totally cheating on that other guy with you. It's not a good situation for anyone.

make her miss what she can't have. IE leave her alone in all forms she might come running. If she does you'd better ensure she's done with the other guy.