What should I do about ex gf? Advice needed.

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18-08-10, 12:01 AM
pfe1980

What should I do about ex gf? Advice needed.

My gf of 6 years recently broke things off. Things ended amicably. The reason for the break up was because she said I was putting my career ahead of getting engaged to her. I told her I wanted to get my master's degree first which is very close to being completed. I told her I love her very much and do want to marry her. Last time we saw each other met at our favorite book store to exchange stuff I had at her apartment and stuff she had at my house. Things were great she was laughing, touching my arm, leaning on me, calling me sweetheart etc... She started to cry when it was time to go. She said she would have gotten back together but since my brother said something nasty to her she wont. (think that is total BS, basically he told her she won't do better than me with a few curse words thrown in).

That was a month ago. We have been no contact since that day. Two weeks ago she signed into her MSN account. I am the only person that is on her msn and we'd talk on it frequently while we were at work. Neither of us have facebook or anything like that. She signed on for about half an hour then signed off. I am on all the time talking to friends and business contacts so she knows I am on all the time. I didn't message her and she didn't message me. Since then she has signed 3 more times same thing online for about half an hour and I didn't message her. Do you think she wants to re-establish contact?

This weekend I was playing tennis in her hometown which is about 10 miles away from my house. Her sister drove past and saw me and my friend. I felt like I was going to throw up. Now I feel like they think I am stalking her.

What should I do? Any input would be great. Thanks in advance!
18-08-10, 12:12 AM
kitkitkitty

i don't think they'd think that you were stalking her. if you were, you would've initiated contact on msn and would be clinging onto her. i can't imagine how hard it must be though im sorry i can't be much more help.
18-08-10, 12:21 AM
pfe1980

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitkitkitty [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i don't think they'd think that you were stalking her. if you were, you would've initiated contact on msn and would be clinging onto her. i can't imagine how hard it must be though im sorry i can't be much more help.

Thanks! Everyone is telling me I am crazy about the stalking part. I am just so sick about the whole situation. Do you think she wants me to contact her on MSN? I can't think of any other reason unless she has someone else.
18-08-10, 12:28 AM
kitkitkitty

she may be hinting at it cos she's staying on for a certain amount of time. but i think that things will start hurting again if you talk again. the thing im not sure about is why would you break something off if you knew you were going to get engaged but just a bit later? surely it'd be worth the wait and you don't need the fiancée/ fiance status to be happy together?
18-08-10, 12:34 AM
pfe1980

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitkitkitty [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

she may be hinting at it cos she's staying on for a certain amount of time. but i think that things will start hurting again if you talk again. the thing im not sure about is why would you break something off if you knew you were going to get engaged but just a bit later? surely it'd be worth the wait and you don't need the fiancée/ fiance status to be happy together?

Ideally I'd like to get back together. Things have gotten better since the break up for me but I still want her back. As far as the engagement, she said it was one excuse after another. Get a job, get my masters, then it would be get a raise, get another job etc...
18-08-10, 12:44 AM
kitkitkitty

to be fair, getting a master's? im imagining it's not a walk in the park. but my point was why does she need to be engaged to you? fair enough you've been together for a long time but i would've thought that she'd want to wait for you to feel perfectly ready, stable, etc.
18-08-10, 12:46 AM
pfe1980

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitkitkitty [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

to be fair, getting a master's? im imagining it's not a walk in the park. but my point was why does she need to be engaged to you? fair enough you've been together for a long time but i would've thought that she'd want to wait for you to feel perfectly ready, stable, etc.

That was my argument. It doesn't help when everyone tells her I am dragging my feet and naturally she believes them.
18-08-10, 12:52 AM
kitkitkitty

no i agree with you. why does she need to be engaged NOW to be happy? i know this can't be helping but i think it's pretty stupid. it's about the love you have, not the label.
19-08-10, 12:26 AM
pfe1980

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitkitkitty [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

no i agree with you. why does she need to be engaged NOW to be happy? i know this can't be helping but i think it's pretty stupid. it's about the love you have, not the label.

That is how I feel. Deep down I feel that this girl will be back but she will have to rebuild my trust.
19-08-10, 12:35 AM
kitkitkitty

i'm surprised she went at all but yeah, hopefully she'll realise what we've been saying. you haven't done anything wrong so i don't see how any trust needs to be rebuilt. she's the one that started thinking differently.
19-08-10, 12:38 AM
IncognitoSir

Quote:

Originally Posted by pfe1980 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is how I feel. Deep down I feel that this girl will be back but she will have to rebuild my trust.

Yeah, pretty much. She definatelt could of waited. School DOES come before marriage for the most part. She was being selfish in my opinion. Sounds like she wants to be in contact with you but she wants you to be the first to make contact. Whatever you do, DON'T be the one to break no contact. She needs to put in the work to get you back. Remember she wanted to break it off.
19-08-10, 12:53 AM
pfe1980

Quote:

Originally Posted by IncognitoSir [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah, pretty much. She definatelt could of waited. School DOES come before marriage for the most part. She was being selfish in my opinion. Sounds like she wants to be in contact with you but she wants you to be the first to make contact. Whatever you do, DON'T be the one to break no contact. She needs to put in the work to get you back. Remember she wanted to break it off.

Is it common practice for the person who initiated the break up should be the one to re-establish contact?
19-08-10, 12:57 AM
kitkitkitty

Quote:

Originally Posted by pfe1980 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is it common practice for the person who initiated the break up should be the one to re-establish contact?

idk about common practice but in your situation, it should be common courtesy on her behalf!
19-08-10, 05:51 AM
pfe1980

Thanks guys! I'll keep up the no contact.