She went to a party

Printable View

18-08-10, 02:17 PM
iMarKi

She went to a party

my girlfriend started hanging out with this guy a few months back, most of the time with one or two of her friends when she did. it never bothered me, i accepted the fact of having an opposite gender friend. she has a few other male friends but shes never really hung out with any of them much since we started dating. then i started getting stories from her, telling me that this male friend wanted to hook up with her, after struggling with this i would get over it, then they would hang out again and again. the last i heard he wanted to get her drunk so shed sleep with him. ive talked to her about it, she clear understands i hate this guy and it bothers me not just when they hang out but even when she txts him. but im not going to control her and tell her who she can and cannot be friends with. she went to a party at his house, telling me she probably wouldnt drink. through the night, the few txts that i did get, she was drunk. i dont think she would ever cheat on me, but what should i do? ive talked to her about it and honestly i think its unfair for her, knowing how much it bothers me, to continue hanging out with him let alone getting drunk around him.
18-08-10, 02:24 PM
kapneb92

Sounds like she's trying to get you to feel exactly how you're feeling now. The fact that she told you that she was aware of his motives is a good thing. However, knowing this and continuing to put herself into that position means that she's doing this to bug you. She's trying to manipulate you, playing games, but in the end you're the one who decides whether to keep getting played or just stop playing.
18-08-10, 02:35 PM
iMarKi

Quote:

Originally Posted by kapneb92 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like she's trying to get you to feel exactly how you're feeling now. The fact that she told you that she was aware of his motives is a good thing. However, knowing this and continuing to put herself into that position means that she's doing this to bug you. She's trying to manipulate you, playing games, but in the end you're the one who decides whether to keep getting played or just stop playing.

The last thing I want to do is lose her, I plan on marrying her. I don't think she would cheat on me, and she tells me about pretty much everything and just the thought of her wanting to cheat would make her feel guilty and she would come clean. I've told her to put herself in my shoes, and asked her how it would make her feel. And she agreed with everything I said.. which makes me feel like there's even more reason to stop talking to him. Not to mention, I was here first, we were in love before he came along, I'm her number 1, I don't get why she would put me through this bs.
18-08-10, 02:40 PM
kapneb92

veni vidi vici.
More often than not, the first is not the last. So in this sense, you may be her "number 1" right now, but that doesn't mean someone else can't take your place. Maybe it's just harmless games she's playing, but I say confront her and tell her you're NOT comfortable with her putting herself in this position. Tell her how strongly you feel about it. If she continues like this, I bet she's gonna drink that one shot that takes away all her inhibitions.
18-08-10, 02:50 PM
iMarKi

I guess that's all I can do. Thanks for the advise
18-08-10, 02:51 PM
IncognitoSir

Why would you wanna marry a person who purposely makes you feel like crap! She has probably already cheated on you.people usually don't act like this by chance. Tread carefully.
18-08-10, 02:53 PM
Indignant

why don't you accompany her when she goes out?
18-08-10, 03:29 PM
doppelgaenger

Quote:

Originally Posted by iMarKi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

my girlfriend started hanging out with this guy a few months back, most of the time with one or two of her friends when she did. it never bothered me, i accepted the fact of having an opposite gender friend. she has a few other male friends but shes never really hung out with any of them much since we started dating. then i started getting stories from her, telling me that this male friend wanted to hook up with her, after struggling with this i would get over it, then they would hang out again and again. the last i heard he wanted to get her drunk so shed sleep with him. ive talked to her about it, she clear understands i hate this guy and it bothers me not just when they hang out but even when she txts him. but im not going to control her and tell her who she can and cannot be friends with. she went to a party at his house, telling me she probably wouldnt drink. through the night, the few txts that i did get, she was drunk. i dont think she would ever cheat on me, but what should i do? ive talked to her about it and honestly i think its unfair for her, knowing how much it bothers me, to continue hanging out with him let alone getting drunk around him.

This is nothing but a minor annoyance. Look, women here in the USA aren't oppressed anymore. They have equal rights. So don't feel bad about putting a leash on that ho - in other words, stand your ground and be a man. You need to tell her the conditions of being in a relationship with you, and if she doesn't like it, well then bon voyage. I'm sick of hearing about guys who don't have the balls to do this. You're giving her more freedom than she deserves and guess what? For every inch she will take a mile, because that's how those women are.

I had two girls do that shit to me before and guess what I did? I simply stopped talking to them. Girls who are that stupid aren't worth a minute of my time.
18-08-10, 09:41 PM
Raze

Quote:

Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is nothing but a minor annoyance. Look, women here in the USA aren't oppressed anymore. They have equal rights. So don't feel bad about putting a leash on that ho - in other words, stand your ground and be a man. You need to tell her the conditions of being in a relationship with you, and if she doesn't like it, well then bon voyage. I'm sick of hearing about guys who don't have the balls to do this. You're giving her more freedom than she deserves and guess what? For every inch she will take a mile, because that's how those women are.

I had two girls do that shit to me before and guess what I did? I simply stopped talking to them. Girls who are that stupid aren't worth a minute of my time.

I agree with Dopp 100%. Girls in the USA can pretty much do whatever they want because they have equal rights. They are no longer on a leash like they used to be. If you really like each other then you will be a able to work it out.

I also agree with Indi that if she does want to hangout with this guy, then you should be able to accompany her.
18-08-10, 11:52 PM
girl68

You boys don't have an accurate picture. Women are very much still on this "leash" you speak of. Viloence and oppression against women (which includes the controlling, the jealously and all those damn double standards) are hugely prevalant. How many threads here speak of just that?

What the OP's girl is doing (because she's young and doesn't know better) is dying for attention. Much of her self worth comes from being the object of desier for other men. Which is why she hangs out with those boys without her bf. She might not cheat on you yet or intentionally but she will no doubt be crossing some lines.

She should be setting clear boundries for these male friends of hers. This includes giving them absolute no doubt that nothing will happen. I know she hadn't done this because if guys are still saying "I'm going to get her drunk so she'll bone me" that means there is a reason for them to be saying this and that reason is her not being clear about where those boys stand with her.

She should be not hanging out with this boys to give them any opprtunities to set her up. She doesn't do this becasue like I said she's dying for their attention.

If you get to the heart of the issue which I really think if her need for attention and the feelings she gets from it. She is happy she gets this attention- you need to get her tapped into why she does.
19-08-10, 12:23 AM
VincenzoG91

She needs these guy friends because she has low self-esteem. You could tell her to knock it off, but that just might cause her to become more secretive about it. I think that she's eventually going to cheat on you and blame it on alcohol.
19-08-10, 12:37 AM
girl68

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She needs these guy friends because she has low self-esteem. You could tell her to knock it off, but that just might cause her to become more secretive about it. I think that she's eventually going to cheat on you and blame it on alcohol.

Telling her to knock it off is crap advice. Like I said these are deep rooted issues and they need to be brought to attention not be knocked off.
19-08-10, 02:30 AM
doppelgaenger

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You boys don't have an accurate picture. Women are very much still on this "leash" you speak of. Viloence and oppression against women (which includes the controlling, the jealously and all those damn double standards) are hugely prevalant. How many threads here speak of just that?

I don't see the relevance in this guy's situation. However, the women who post here to complain and rant about their violent and abusive boyfriends are usually stupid enough to stick around and put up with it and not do anything about it, though they surely can. This is not due to oppression or a lack of equal rights, but rather their own stupidity and tolerance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What the OP's girl is doing (because she's young and doesn't know better) is dying for attention. Much of her self worth comes from being the object of desier for other men. Which is why she hangs out with those boys without her bf. She might not cheat on you yet or intentionally but she will no doubt be crossing some lines.

Well, my point is that this girl's behavior is ridiculous and incredibly childish, and he shouldn't tolerate it. I think most people would like to be desired by others in one form or another, and that does not justify her naive, selfish behavior. So it's not controlling in the least for this guy to stand up for himself and let this girl know she's crossed the boundaries he's defined as ideal. It's also not controlling for him to decide that this girl is not for him and if she's unwilling to change her shitty behavior, to leave.

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She should be setting clear boundries for these male friends of hers. This includes giving them absolute no doubt that nothing will happen. I know she hadn't done this because if guys are still saying "I'm going to get her drunk so she'll bone me" that means there is a reason for them to be saying this and that reason is her not being clear about where those boys stand with her.

Yeah, if she had any brain cells bumping around in her skull, she would have figured this out already - this is something, which apparently has been going on for months. Unfortunately, she sounds incredibly dense and this doesn't seem like a possibility at all. She's pretty foolish and inconsiderate and no amount of wordage can change that. The OP just needs to decide when he wants to drop his vegetable diet.
19-08-10, 02:56 AM
Raze

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She needs these guy friends because she has low self-esteem. You could tell her to knock it off, but that just might cause her to become more secretive about it. I think that she's eventually going to cheat on you and blame it on alcohol.

That's what one of my exes did.
19-08-10, 03:46 AM
girl68

For the record I didn't say he was being controlling by bringing this issue up. I don't think that's controlling at all.

My first post was just adressing a point that was previously made- it wasn't to there for revelance to the OP.

I think the type of desire most people want is not the same as what the OP's gf is trying to get. I'm not sure how to explain it exactly... but yeah. I'd agree everyone wants to be desired! But the OP is going about it in all the wrong way AND she's doing it because she doesn't see herself as valued in any other way than these boys vying for her attention.