7 Years of my Life

So I am in this 7 year long relationship - 2 of whose years have been
long distance (military person).Ups and downs like for everyone but
mostly different level of feelings - TOTAL COMMITMENT and DEVOTION from
my side. He is not ready, never been ready for the big jump, still attached
to his "freedom". We decided to break up after so long because we were
really going nowhere. He is now settled in one place and would not accept
me moving to him to live together - not even saying marriage but at least
be together and see how it goes. He would like for me to move "just right
down the street"and "DATE"...he said he can't promise me anything, cause he
is not sure, he is not even sure about his Love for me. During these years,
i found out about one girl he felt very close to while one of his deployments
abroad. the two had a "sexual" relationship for months then i found out
through emails and he accepted to stop that relationship in order to "focus"
on us. i forgave him (i was ready to go) and let those things go.i love him
more than anything else in this world and i know it's hard to understand
but i believe that we all make mistakes. Our relationship did not improve
I DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE IT EASY ON HIM (he was going through some
tough times--job issue) and MY feelings grew day by day more and more and more
He was still...back there. He made a move last year, started to talk about
a family, kids, where to live, made me feel special and number one...but it
only lasted for a month...then back to insecurities again.
we broke up last month. he is still seeing that girl of 2 years ago..
i know bc he told me they stayed in touch but she is not "serious" girl.
she just wnted to have fun around .. now she called up and she said "im ready
i changed, im more mature and interested in you"....the two met somewhere
2 months ago, spent some time together and stayed in touch via phone, email,..
she does not about me, never known or even never cared i guess. they both had "their things going on"...as far as i understood -it was alright to both of them. What about ME? I gave
ALL MYSELF to this man for the last 7 Years of my life, MADE THE BEST EFFORTS,
LET A LOOOOOOOT OF S**T GO, FORGAVE HIM MANY TIMES, SHOWED HIM MY LIFE, BEING TOTALLY FAITHFUL AND DEVOTED TO ONLY HIM...Now this girl comes back and all ive done and given
to him means NOTHING? We decided to break up bc it was really going nowhere...
found some texts sent to other girls as well .. just easy girls.. but still broke my heart.
i did not tell him-i dont think i should now anyway. but i know for sure this girl he fell for is now EXTREMELY HAPPY and EXCITED to .. i guess start off a relationship with him. They dont live in the same city so will be the same long distance thing-at least temporarily but he is putting some efforts? is he even thinking to commit to her? Why???? WHY GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO BE CLOSER AND START A SERIOUS REAL RELATIONSHIP? WHY? it hurts to die- it is the worst time of my life.
he still texts me and calls up to say "how are you" and to tell me about his life and things that happen .. and i pretend everything is okay. he knows i still love him. He knows i have never wanted to be iwht anyone else. I dont want anyone else, i want him, i dont care about other men, i want him with his good and bad parts. I could wait around forever
i feel very badly lately, i want to disappear - im so sad, empty, fed up, discouraged and broken.