How many times a day is normal?
Hi, I'm 23 and this is my first time posting. I have a problem/concern/driving me insane question that I really need to find some answers to, to help me communicate better with my boyfriend. I don't have any girlfriends really so there's no one I can talk to about this where I am.
I love my boyfriend very much I've known him for a few years but we've only been going out for almost a year. Before him I was in a 4 year relationship but it was a not normal, unhealthy relationship so I don't have a good example to compare my current situation to. I find "john", my current bf very sexually attractive, and get along stu-****ing-pendous. We live together and get along on all levels, and we've even talked about marriage, which I've never even thought about with a guy!
But there's one thing that is a daily problem that I have to find a way to fix before we take another step. Our sex life. First off, John has a HUGE penis, bigger than any I've ever seen. I've measured it rougly to be over 9 inches, give or take. That is a lot for me, being that I have not had sex with very many people (does that even affect it?). When we first started having sex, full penetration in some positions was just too painful for me to even take. I remember going home with my lower stomach aching for the rest of the night from it. Then after awhile my body adjusted a little, so it got better, until we moved in together, which brings me to my question, for a couple our age (23) what is the normal/average amount of times per day/week that they have sex? I figured it is a higher number than older adults since the man's hormones are at its highest. The reason I'm asking is because with my sex drive, I would like to ideally have it once a day, maybe occasionally twice, and occasionally miss a day maybe. I don't know whether that is a low, average, or high sex drive.
With John's sex drive, however, we have sex on average 4 times a day, sometimes more, and it is SO difficult for me to physically be able to take that much sex everyday. Its like he just goes and goes and goes and when he's done, after 20 minutes or so, he's ready to go again! It's like it's essential for him to get off that much to be in a decent mood. If we have sex less than that, say once in the morning, after an hour or so after that session if I'm not "in the mood" again he starts getting crabby and he's never mean or anything but he just whines and complains and won't stop bugging me for it until we do it again, and then again after that. I'll ask him what he wants for lunch and he'll respond, "I guess food because its too hard to get any sex around here" which he says it jokingly with a huge grin, but every response to anything I say until I give in again is something like that so I know that he is serious on some level. Its funny at first but after 2 hours of nothing but "give me more sex" responses, it gets annoying.
I've tried so many different things to get him to understand that it hurts, literately, to have sex so much, that it drains me mentally and physically, and it doesn't seem to phase him. He doesn't understand how sex can sometimes NOT feel good to the woman. If I tell him that it doesn't feel as good because we've already done it twice that day, he thinks its something wrong with his performance and gets his feelings hurt. If I say that my V is rubbed raw and hurting, then he says, "well we don't have to have sex, you can just use your mouth!" If I say I just really am not in the mood he says, "I don't get how you can't be in the mood to have sex with someone you're in love with, I love you and so I want to have sex with you all the time!" and that is his main "argument" that I must not be as physically attrated to him as much as he is me or I would want to do it as much as he does. And that is SO not it, but I don't know what I can say to make him understand that.
I feel like having sex that much gets tedious and almost boring after awhile. By the fourth time, I'm not making sexy noises, or as "into it" as he is, and he can tell and gets frustrated, and then seems to take FOREVER (over an hour) to climax because he knows I'm not enjoying it. Which an hour isn't that long, but by the fourth session an hour is enough to rub me raw.
He says he knows he has a high sex drive, but is convinced I can just force myself to "adjust" down there to it after long enough.
It is incredibly frustrating on multiple levels, because I don't feel like I EVER satisfy him, EVER. No matter how many times I grit my teeth and just do it to make him feel good, it isn't enough. And I never thought sex would get to that point with me at 23. But after that much everyday its just not as fun anymore, everytime I leave work no matter how exhausted I am, I can either go home and have sex over and over and over whether I feel like it or not, or listen to his incessant whining and bitching and complaining about how horney he is and how he "needs" to get off. I'll tell him to go take care of himself i.e. jackoff, but he says it's not the same. He would have sex NO EXAGGERATION over 10 times a day if I would. He says that having it 4 times a day is him "compromising" with me. I do love him, and every other aspect of our relationship is AWESOME and the first time each day that we do it, I really thoroughly enjoy it and am satisfied. But each time after that is gets less, and less, arousing.
Am I the one who needs to adjust more? Is there something wrong with me physically that is preventing me from doing it all the time? Am I just someone with a really low sex drive for our age that should stop complaining and be happy with what I have?
HELP!
